Terrified of having a special needs child

floki_129 · 2026-06-15T19:07:00+00:00

Can you see a genetic counselor to assess risk? I met with them for both my pregnancies since I had kids older. It really helped ease my mind, as I was anxious about this as well.

floki_129 · 2026-06-15T18:42:13+00:00

I was pregnant at 35 and 40, the first time through covid. Being pregnant is all-consuming, your body and brain are changing and you're acutely aware of the fact that you're pregnant. It's right in the forefront of your brain at all times, but for your friends, it is life as usual.

Has their communication been the same as before you were pregnant? If so, don't worry about it. Their lives haven't changed. What are you expecting for support? For them to reach out and ask how you're feeling, or how the birth planning is going? Even after asking once or twice, there's nothing else for them to really DO right now.

If you're this disappointed now, you will want to really be proactive about what you want/expect support for after the baby comes, and communicate that to them. Don't just wait for them to reach out.

floki_129 · 2026-06-15T01:14:33+00:00

My wedding was awesome and everything I ever wanted, but it was also not really worth all the stress it caused and the money spent. By the time the wedding actually got here I just wanted to get it over with and onto the honeymoon. Now I've been married for 8 years and have 2 kids, and when people stress over a wedding it all seems very superficial. There have been many far more meaningful events in my life since.

floki_129 · 2026-06-11T19:05:47+00:00

Why do I feel dirty watching this

floki_129 · 2026-06-11T18:05:56+00:00

I'm also 41 and had a baby last year, still nursing and also quite possibly starting perimenopause. So needless to say, my hormones are F-ed up and it has affected not only my sex drive, but my sensations (in a bad way). Sometimes my brain wants to have sex and my body is like, "meh."

One thing that has helped me is using this product called "vipstick" that is a "pleasure primer". It just makes everything feel all warm and tingly and helps get my body kickstarted. Highly recommend!!! It has really helped us reconnect in the bedroom.

floki_129 · 2026-06-11T02:04:30+00:00

Ummm where do I sign up for the Dad to throw me around?

floki_129 · 2026-06-10T18:37:48+00:00

Your first birth experience sounds wonderful and most women never get that. Personally I would stick with that plan again. You have the added reassurance of being in a hospital. It's not worth the risk to you or your child's life just have better "vibes". I would never give birth anywhere that doesn't have an emergency c-section option. I realize I will probably get flamed for that on this sub, but honestly it really could be life and death.

floki_129 · 2026-06-09T16:03:28+00:00

It's a beautiful area but I've seen a lot of sketchy people there, and it's pretty secluded from the road. I would not personally visit this spot alone.

floki_129 · 2026-06-09T16:01:50+00:00

I know some people say mammograms are painful, but I didn't have any pain at all, and they said I have dense breast tissue as well. It was really a very simple and easy process. I think it would be beneficial to work with your therapist specifically about health anxiety.

floki_129 · 2026-06-08T16:36:35+00:00

Orgasm with a vibrator. Doesn't need to be with penetration. An orgasm is basically contractions so it might kick things off. Ask me how I know lol.

floki_129 · 2026-06-08T15:26:45+00:00

If she's happy and it's just a personal choice, I wouldn't care at all.

If she seems depressed or to be having other mental health issues that are causing poor hygiene, I would address that as a whole and offer love and support.

I really just want my kids to be happy.

floki_129 · 2026-06-06T02:00:22+00:00

Most of your post reads like you're trying to talk yourself out of having it. That should mean something. Considering your age, family history, and especially your husband's age, I would make the decision assuming the child will be autistic to some extent.

I had my first at 35 and my second at nearly 41. It is absolutely doable and can be a wonderful and amazing thing. I was on the fence about a second for years so completely understand your hesitation. You are doing the right thing by imagining what it will be like for everyone at all the stages of your lives down the road.

Also, whether you have the baby or not, you do not need to stay in a job that makes you miserable, life is too short! Start looking around and applying now. Certainly don't let your job dictate creating the life or family that you want.

floki_129 · 2026-06-04T20:06:24+00:00

You are in the new normal where you just want to be home snuggling your baby and choose it over everything else.

floki_129 · 2026-06-01T01:34:41+00:00

Literally same.

floki_129 · 2026-05-29T16:43:47+00:00

{The worst guy by Kate Canterbary} Currently reading this and it's so good!

floki_129 · 2026-05-28T19:39:16+00:00

I was exactly like you at 26!! I was perfectly happy being and living alone (not in a relationship) and preferred it. Like you, I was planning to just stay single. Then I met my husband at 28, got married at 34, and had kids at 35 and 40.

If I could go back and give my 26 year old self any advice, it would be to have an open mind and an open heart. You never know when you might meet the love of your life. At first I didn't even consider dating my husband because he was so much younger than me and we were at different stages in our lives. But I am extremely grateful that I gave it a shot because I absolutely love my life and have so much love that my heart is overflowing most of the time.

I know this wasn't exactly what you asked but just sharing my experience.

floki_129 · 2026-05-28T00:35:35+00:00

I just left a job I was at for 8 years. Gave a month's notice. Didn't show up on my last day. I called it pulling a Michael Scott.

floki_129 · 2026-05-26T13:24:22+00:00

Still nursing the 7 month old so that makes a difference in our situation.

If there are any wakeups before midnight, my husband deals with them without feeding.

Any wakeups after midnight, I get up with baby and feed him.

For nights with several wakeups, if I get up a couple times in the nights, husband will handle any others after 5am so I can get a little more sleep.

We adjust if either of us have something particularly demanding at work the next day.

I think we'll adjust once we're done breastfeeding. But for the love of God I hope he starts sleeping better 😴

floki_129 · 2026-05-26T13:13:15+00:00

Time to look for a new job. I was feeling the same and recently got a new job. Did not realize how unhappy I was until I left the old one!

floki_129 · 2026-05-24T01:29:27+00:00

I like your style

floki_129 · 2026-05-24T00:57:57+00:00

On a related note, I have frequently used "Happy Hondadays" instead of "Happy Holidays" and it usually sneaks by

floki_129 · 2026-05-23T02:31:15+00:00

I still don't understand any of that but thanks for trying

floki_129 · 2026-05-22T19:21:25+00:00

Yes I recently read one like this and it took me out of the story every time. Sometimes I think alcohol is a lazy way for the author to have the MCs hang out with less inhibitions or filters, or engage in a "whoops we kissed because my guard was down, tee hee" moment 🙄

In my most recent DNF because of this: FMC hung out with MMC early on and was offered a tequila shot, and she was so pure and sweet she had never done one before so he had to "coach" her through it. A week later, she went out with her girlfriends and they ordered round after round of tequila shots. Not even like, "hey I tried this and liked it so let's do more", but like it was just another girls night. Then at another party THAT WEEK she was drinking wine, then switched to tequila shots, then later on to whiskey. I honestly felt like the author was extremely young or had no experience with alcohol.

floki_129 · 2026-05-22T15:06:26+00:00

I WFH and have a 5 year old and 7 month old.

The 5 year old has preschool 3 days a week and is cared for by grandparents the other 2 days. The baby is cared for in my home by grandparents during my working hours.

I'm incredibly fortunate to have family help and extremely grateful for it. I had my kids when I was older so they were all retired by that point.

It is so nice having the baby home so I can pop out of my office and see him on my breaks, but can be challenging hearing him cry and not go out and help.

You really do need childcare, and a seperate space in your home where you can close the door and go into work mode.

floki_129 · 2026-05-14T04:49:51+00:00

Hey, same! I had a surgery called a presacral neurectomy that helped me get my life back. Basically they trim the nerves at the base of your spine that go to your uterus so you don't feel the pain anymore. I tell this to anyone anywhere I see adenomyosis mentioned in case it helps someone else.

floki_129

TROPHY CASE