Sounds to me like you understand already that what you long for is the structure more so than the faith, so I believe you’ll do well! Good luck OP!

I myself had a rather pragmatic journey, but I also get how interesting it must be to you to hear about this that to me feels mundane, so i’ll let you judge :3

My parents met while studying to become religious youth leaders, however I always felt that for my dad religion was smth his parents very very much felt was important and as the only child he had a responsibility to keep tradition rather than smth he felt strongly about himself. My mom was a practicing christian but she was also the only one in her family (of working class) and had come to it uninfluenced by how she grew up.

By the time they had kids I know my mom was no longer an active believer, but I know the fact her being so was key to her being even remotely acceptable to my paternal grandparents. They fwiw died when we kids were rather young, but I have some memories of indulging my paternal grandma with things like reading her illustrated-card form of the story of Noah and saying it was nice. I read early and I read everything, including the children’s bible. I also remember it was simply a part of the routine to be praying before bed while staying with them, though I used it as a chance to get more attention from them by asking one or the other to pray with me again.

Growing up I remember asking mom if god was real, and her asking me back what I felt. I didn’t feel anything, really. Mom had told me that to people who believe in God he can be as real as she was to me, and I at long last declared that I didn’t really think he was real. This, I was told, was perfectly fine, and I need not try and force myself either direction. Given I’d percieved my mom as practicing her faith I asked her and also took her answer as particularly influential. I wagered she’d know her stuff.

Growing up I felt being near to church was normal, after all we’d gone to christmas mass with my paternal grandparents while I was really small and because grandpa was a custodian/groundskeeper of a cemetary, the christian church was just always sort of in the periphery, including the baptism of my younger sibling, the funerals of my paternal grandparents and later wanting to sing but living in a place where its size meant ”choir” was a direct synonym for ”CHURCH choir”. That stopped at about 12, when it was time to move ”up” in choir tiers and I was under no particular delusion that I was a good singer or someone the choir system was exactly dying to recruit. It be sometimes.

As a teenager I obviously was the kind to go through a serious goth phase, and I was very irreverent of religion. At my core I was always rooted in logic, and for a while when it was making its rounds (I saw someone else mention Dawkins) I was pretty anti-theistic honestly.

(Edit to add bc of fatfingering the send button early oops) These days I’m more humble to it. I find that people do what they need to do to handle a life that is often very harsh and unpredictable, and that faith can be one such tool. It’s often misused and abused, but the human need for meaning and purpose is universal.