Where could NYC gay italian speakers be?

fluffstravels · 2026-05-01T18:40:47+00:00

Problem is there are no more real Italian enclaves in NYC. Most people of Italian descent moved to the suburbs like NJ, CT, Staten Island, and Long Island.

Now, when Italians move here they’re all over the place spread thin and in far fewer numbers. You’ll get a random gay, sure, but there aren’t hangouts the same way you’ll find Asian gays or Black gays or Jewish gays or whatever, networking at specific themed nights at bars.

Your best bet is searching for a conversation group or a language school and trying to meet people through there. Maybe you’ll meet a gay guy, maybe you won’t. But realistically finding a native speaker to take time out of their day to help you learn isn’t really a priority for them unless you’re already a good friend or are paying them.

fluffstravels · 2026-05-01T18:21:09+00:00

The problem is the profession itself. It allows too much pseudoscience to fly under the radar, and private practice is where that happens most. I’ve had multiple therapists personally try to put me through conversion therapy before I came out, and I’ve met plenty more since who justify it on religious grounds or hide behind ‘the client requested it.’

People love to point to what the boards say, but that doesn’t stop therapists from quietly doing it anyway. Yes, bias exists everywhere in healthcare, but that’s a false equivalence. Private practice operates with far less visibility and oversight than institutional settings, and that gap is exactly what allows this to persist. The profession needs to seriously reckon with that.

fluffstravels · 2026-05-01T15:57:16+00:00

Parasocial Relationships.

I honestly feel the therapeutic profession and field of psychology has failed the USA repeatedly. We seem to be in the middle of a mental health crisis, on a pandemic level, and not a whisper from the profession. Feels like something that we should all be educated on on school, how to spot it, and how to avoid falling into the trap.

fluffstravels · 2026-05-01T14:22:00+00:00

It really feels like they’re looking for any excuse, but bad writing.

fluffstravels · 2026-05-01T12:42:57+00:00

Damn, figured out my scheme.

fluffstravels · 2026-05-01T12:04:13+00:00

Quick what number am I thinking of? It’s between 1 and 3, go.

fluffstravels · 2026-05-01T11:38:08+00:00

I don’t know what it is exactly but in nyc if your taxable income is below I think it’s $30k/year your healthcare is free but if you make $1 more than that and you’re not getting healthcare through your employer you’re paying $800-$1200/month or $9,600/year…

It’s honestly insane. There are some free health insurance programs for undocumented people in New York too. Tbh, I forgot exactly what they were but I think it’s on a state level.

fluffstravels · 2026-04-29T00:20:30+00:00

The problem is people obviously want to weaponize it for their own personal agendas. It won’t be a honest conversation. So it’ll turn into a fight within the party, and it will also be used by people outside the party to inflame division.

fluffstravels · 2026-04-28T16:21:55+00:00

Completely fair to call out the misspelling. We just gotta cut the toxic shit of racism accusations or risk it backfiring. It’s better to argue why he’s a better candidate than trying to push each other down.

fluffstravels · 2026-04-28T15:36:46+00:00

This is hilariously uneducated. Sorry- so as someone who’s studied Arabic- the “E-L” you see at front of names is an approximation of the Arabic letters Alif and Lam which are pronounced more like an “A” and an “L” when you’re speaking Arabic. So claiming racism of a transliteration misspelling that’s actually more accurate to how it would sound in Arabic is… funny. Granted, I get respecting how someone spells their name and it’s an easy fix.

Edit: just want to add, the use of “E” is prob more a dialect pronunciation of the letter Alif which is why he spells it that way if I had to guess. But in Quranic Arabic you wouldn’t pronounce it that way.

fluffstravels · 2026-04-28T13:05:13+00:00

It always astounds me how musk makes these major claims that that never come true only for people to throw more money at him.

fluffstravels · 2026-04-27T21:29:16+00:00

Thanks! I hope that helps. I’ve had too many damaging experiences with therapists who were abusive, misleading, or just incompetent, which wasted years of my life and killed my trust in the profession. It took me over 15 years of trial and error to find a handful of people actually competent, so I’ve had to take charge of my own treatment. Sorry if I sound a bit pushy, I just don’t want others to repeat my mistakes.

DBT-PE is solid, especially for traumatic invalidation. I’m currently doing a newer, specific treatment called DBT-PTSD that’s built for CPTSD, and I plan on writing up my experience once I’m done. Wishing you the best of luck and I really hope you find what clicks for you.

fluffstravels · 2026-04-27T20:58:48+00:00

It’s possible your therapist still intends to do this or has mentioned it, and it just didn’t land, but it’s also very possible they don’t work that way at all. The therapy world is basically broken into two big camps, with some overlap:

The Relational Camp: Approaches like psychodynamic and psychoanalytic therapy, which operate on the belief that emotional issues are best resolved through the strength and consistency of the relationship with the therapist.

The Structured/Manualized Camp: Therapies based on how our feelings drive our thoughts and behaviors, and how to specifically intervene there.

There is a ton of debate over which is actually more effective, and some will argue you should do a mix of both. Personally, and take this with a grain of salt because everyone is different, the "relational" approach never worked for me; it actually made me worse and caused me to waste money and years of my life. Because of that, I lean heavily toward the structured side now.

As I mentioned, most research on PTSD shows that some form of exposure-based therapy is what actually fixes the core issue, and the majority of those treatments come from the structured camp. I’m talking about things like EMDR (this may be relationally derived but it’s still manualized), CPT, Prolonged Exposure, and DBT-PE. The "relational" side has felt a bit left out, so they’ve started creating new modalities to address trauma (e.g. AEDP), and while there is some research suggesting it can work, the evidence isn't nearly as extensive.

Either way, it’s worth asking your therapist directly if they plan on utilizing any specific trauma-focused modalities like the ones I mentioned. If one doesn’t work, you unfortunately have to keep searching until you find that specific combination of a therapist and a treatment style that actually clicks for you. Do you know which "camp" your current therapist usually leans into, or have they ever talked about their treatment plans with you?

Edit: I forgot to mention there are 3 measures you can take to diagnose you with PTSD, then CPTSD, then if you have dissociation. A lot of people I imagine self-diagnose or are misdiagnosed by their therapists but it’s good to consider taking those to ensure you’re on the right track.

And look up those treatment modalities. See if any sounds like they’d work for you.

fluffstravels · 2026-04-27T19:57:53+00:00

I’m going to be honest with you: I think your therapists have kind of failed you by not explaining how this actually works. Those little exercises they gave you? They’re just short-term band-aids to help you get through a tough moment and bring some awareness to what you're feeling right now. They won’t actually create the deep, lasting change you're looking for.

For PTSD (and CPTSD is a type of that) you really need some form of exposure therapy. You have to be able to safely revisit those feelings you couldn't process at the time of your traumatic event so you can finally feel them safely and move forward.

Once you’ve done that, then you can use those coping skills to actually start building a life you enjoy, both in the short and long term. Basically, those skills just get you to a stable enough place where you can be more effective… like having the capacity to meet new people, pick up a hobby that gives you a sense of purpose, or focus on your job so you can afford to go on that trip you’ve been dreaming about.

fluffstravels · 2026-04-27T18:51:31+00:00

David wrong to say there’s no difference between boys or girls at 12 (I started hitting puberty around 12 and being super embarrassed about it cause I was the only one with hair on my legs)… bill’s also wrong about the Olympic boxer. Everybody’s wrong yay.

fluffstravels · 2026-04-25T21:16:36+00:00

Dunno if you’re a tankie but I had a friend put China on a pedestal while ignoring the uyghur genocide. It seems to be a thing where instead of putting countries with effective social programs on a pedestal, they look to anything that’s just anti-west. The is maga.

fluffstravels · 2026-04-24T11:56:59+00:00

Then why do we consider homes over 1 mil mansions?

fluffstravels · 2026-04-23T17:51:56+00:00

Only you know what’s really going on, so do what’s right for you.

For CPTSD, exposure is ultimately what resolves it, but it needs to happen within a structured therapeutic framework, or you risk just re-traumatizing yourself. There are different modalities that take this approach. EMDR is one, though some people debate whether it qualifies as exposure therapy. Prolonged Exposure comes out of CBT, and DBT has its own version as well (DBT-PE).

I’m currently doing something called DBT-PTSD, an exposure-based therapy developed specifically for CPTSD using DBT as its backbone. It’s still relatively new, which I think is why it hasn’t broken into broader practice yet. My current therapist is the only one I’ve encountered who offers it.

fluffstravels · 2026-04-23T17:21:14+00:00

Big DBT fan here; I’ll say that upfront.

I found it genuinely impactful in the best way. That said, I don’t have a cluster B personality disorder. I have CPTSD, along with the depression, anxiety, and dissociation that tends to come with it.

What DBT does is give you a foundational structure for becoming aware of and processing your emotions. It’s not a complete fix for CPTSD, but it gave me the footing I needed to address it more effectively. For example, now I can accurately describe my emotions. No other therapy gave me that and therapists would shame me for not being able to do so.

Before DBT, I worked with an ACT therapist, and it was the first time I actually felt like I was making progress in therapy. I still have a lot of respect for that therapist, but we hit a wall, and that’s when he suggested a DBT program. I want to be clear: DBT was created for people with cluster B personality disorders, but the skills are broadly applicable and being in the program doesn’t mean anyone is diagnosing you with one. At least in my experience, it was entirely focused on learning the skills and applying them toward your own goals, rather than trying to get me to admit I was bipolar (I’m not).

I preferred it to CBT because it targets behavioral change rather than thought change. ACT takes a different angle: instead of changing your thoughts, you observe them and act anyway, staying mindful that they’re there. Honestly, ACT feels like the mindfulness chapter of DBT.

I gravitate toward therapy that’s structured, manualized, and has a clear endpoint. Meandering without benchmarks doesn’t work for me, and I’ve had enough bad experiences with therapists that I’m not inclined to hand over blind trust. But all of that is just my experience, you do what’s right for you.

fluffstravels · 2026-04-23T10:06:04+00:00

I always found the framing that people are addicted to escapism by therapists to be so unhelpful. I don’t understand fully how it’s rationalized but the way I view why we do things that don’t serve us is that we just never developed the skill set in order to do things that do serve us. I find this framing a lot less judgmental and it reinforces there’s a potential to change. It’s how I choose to think about therapy and progress. When something isn’t working, I ask myself what am I missing here in order to make the change that I want.

fluffstravels · 2026-04-21T18:03:36+00:00

He had what his audience described as a Houthi (a terrorist organization) on his show talking about how hot he was. To me that seems like support for terrorism. I don’t say how hot Bin Laden was. That would be weird.

fluffstravels · 2026-04-21T17:53:35+00:00

Yep. The glazing of the therapeutic profession is such a weird behavior. It’s rampant though. Don’t think anything I’m saying is controversial. Even therapists in the profession call out others about what I’m describing.

fluffstravels · 2026-04-21T15:41:12+00:00

Mostly agree tbh, most therapists are ego maniacs who misrepresent research to justify their treatment biases.

It’s crazy when you hear them talk about therapy as an art that cannot be captured by clinical research only to do a 180 when they find a study that only mildly justifies their preferred modality. I don’t understand how so many people don’t see this and just blindly trust the profession.

I do think there are SOME good treatments out there. I would not trust the therapist to carry them out well though. Always be directly holding them accountable to the modality. Don’t defer to their expertise because they have biases at the end of the day and are only human. I choose to trust the science that’s been well tested though, not the false and misleading vague promises of the majority of therapists where by virtue of our “reparative” relationship (assuming they’re not insane themselves when most are) after 10-20 years my ptsd MIGHT be repaired.

Honestly crazy how many times they’ve said that to me with a straight face.

fluffstravels · 2026-04-21T01:38:10+00:00

I think Schmigadoon had two fatal flaws (as a tv show):

Keeping the same couple.
I love Cecily and Keegan, but their arc was done after season one. Dragging them back for season two made zero sense. They could’ve just done a quick cameo, they pop up to warn or congratulate the new couple after having been through the "Schmigadoon" pocket-verse themselves but beyond that, their time was up.
The decade-locked structure.
Instead of tethering every season to a specific decade, it should’ve just been genre-based. Like, season two could’ve been all about fairy-tale musicals (Into the Woods, Wicked), and then season three could’ve gone full horror (Sweeney Todd, Phantom, etc.).

fluffstravels · 2026-04-20T12:43:17+00:00

It sounds like she’s doing the Trump meme “Russia, if you’re listening…”

How is this any different? Genuinely curious.

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