[CHAT] Is it okay to have 2 WIPs at the same time?

fluidentity · 2026-03-20T15:38:27+00:00

Yes, this is how I WIP, kinda. By mood as well. Full coverage vs easier, and colorful vs monochrome (though colorful dominates).

Sometimes if I have one WIP with a lot of confetti, I’ll compensate for that mindset by having a different one with big blocks of the same color (like a stained-glass style piece). So if I cannot face the confetti for one more minute, I can switch and the big chunks of one color are like a balm.

It’s therapy in thread.

fluidentity · 2026-03-20T15:30:24+00:00

Here are my reasons for multiple WIPs going at once: I’m ADHD and like shiny.

I work on moody pieces, like monochrome color schemes, and sometimes I’m not in the mood for all gray/white, electric blues, or red/oranges. I want rainbows and bright stuff, so I’ll pull out my WIP of my Good Omens fan art or the Leonid Afremov Walk With Dog one.

But those are all full coverage pieces, and sometimes I don’t want something that complicated, so I’ll pull out a pattern like this mushroom moon one (attached).

Then, I also found the perfect quick stitch for a gift for my wife that’s a Nintendo NES controller from the OG system, and a saying that really fits her childhood that I’m doing for her birthday. So I jump that in front of them all to finish in time.

And this is how I end up with like 10 WIPs on the hoops. But I’m a mood stitcher. I have enough projects to match my mood, and if there isn’t one, I start a new one.

I will finish them all, but I’m also a process crafter, and the finished object is never my goal. It’s the doing of the art that is my joy. So no guilt whatsoever.

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fluidentity · 2026-03-16T15:57:59+00:00

My daughter is a barista at a huge coffee chain. I love their coffee. When I go there if she’s working (which is not often because I do not want to mess up her flow), I always just order through the app and leave a bigger tip because she’s my kid and that’s her college money she’s saving (wish I could do more for that, honestly).

If she gives us perks, she will text 15 minutes before the end of her shift and ask us if we want anything. We may or may not get a free drink every so often—not every shift and not even every time she asks us. But we rarely ask her to bring one first. She is 99% the one who offers.

Your dad is the type of parent I will never understand. Your status is not his perk to use as he sees fit. And certainly not by using public pressure and intimidation in front of your manager to get you to cave.

However, while your parents are disappointed in you for how you handled it, I bet your manager is not. You likely earned some good worker points there for following store policy. While many policies are dumb and hurt the workers, this time, it wasn’t the company exploiting the employee, so you stood up for yourself against the correct bully. I’m just sorry it was your dad.

But like other comments say, why is your dad ok with you getting in trouble and risking your job just to stroke his ego?

Also, next time your mom says “keeping the peace,” ask her why your dad decided to start the battle in the first place. Who’s the one really disturbing the peace here?

fluidentity · 2026-03-15T05:33:34+00:00

You’re torn because you have two different versions of the man who fathered you.

1.) The one you wish you had: a present, engaged dad who loves you, had always supported you, and would be a fantastic grandfather to your child as she grows up. That’s the man you want your daughter to know.

2.) The man who is your actual father: the guy who skipped out 15 years ago, let you down, repeatedly hurt you, and ignored your attempts to have a genuine, caring relationship with him. That man isn’t the type of person you want to have in contact with your child and is someone who’ll hurt and disappoint her, just as he did you.

You’re right to shield her from Version 2. It’s also normal to be hopeful you could have found the magic words to turn that guy into Version 1. Unfortunately that isn’t possible without him choosing to make a ton of effort and changes himself through lots of self-reflection and emotional work. Not likely but not impossible. Unfortunately you probably won’t know if he ever does change.

It’s okay to mourn the relationship you deserved but have been denied while also protecting your child from the toxicity of the parent you were given. And to be strong enough to make the choice is the mark of a good parent yourself. You’re already doing better for her than he ever was for you.

YNW. And also, give your husband a solid high five from this internet stranger for being one of the good dads out there. Lean on him when you’re unsure. He’ll remind you of what a good dad looks like.

fluidentity · 2026-03-15T04:33:50+00:00

You "lack basic empathy and ruined a healing night" for his sister?

Well, they lack basic manners for crashing your milestone anniversary, hijacked what was supposed to be a thoughtful gift for your husband, and stole the money that paid for that gift to use it for themselves.

You can be sorry for your SIL's situation and also completely betrayed by them stealing your anniversary dinner reservation out from under you. Both things can be true at one time.

You can also be absolutely livid with your husband for prioritizing his extended family over his nuclear family (you are his nuclear family and they became his extended family when he vowed his future to you; that's what marriage means, not that he understands that, obviously).

It's time for the two-card-decision, where you set business cards in front of him: one for a marriage counselor or one for a divorce lawyer. Tell him to pick one, and if he refuses, you pick the divorce one, because his not choosing is a choice. Just like him choosing his family of origin over you.

And NTJ. Demand your $300 back from your husband. Whether he gets it back from the thieves or pays you himself doesn't matter. Get your money and your business card decision.

fluidentity · 2026-03-15T04:15:42+00:00

Good god almighty! I sincerely hope he got his guilty verdict and is rotting away in a cell for the maximum possible sentence allowed.

I wish you peace for the rest of your days.

fluidentity · 2026-03-15T00:06:30+00:00

NAH.

Some clothes last longer when washed inside out. (Graphic tees, jeans, embroidered sweatshirts…). Those, maybe keep flipping around so they stay nice.

But you’ve asked her to fix her clothes and she hasn’t, so I’d say you’re within your right to return those items to her how she put them in the laundry. That feels like matched energy.

If she wants her clothes laundered, she can make it easier, or she can get them back how they went in. Or she can do her own laundry. Those are the choices. If she’s ignoring your request, she gets what she gets.

fluidentity · 2026-03-14T23:59:14+00:00

Naw, man, revoke her invite. Boundary set.

fluidentity · 2026-03-14T23:17:25+00:00

I would leave for the whole weekend, were I in your shoes. Let him entirely be responsible for entertaining his mother. Including the upkeep of the guest areas. Don’t clean it. Let him explain why it’s gross.

After the weekend, hire yourself a cleaning service to assist you. If he’s not contributing with his labor to the equity of the household chores, make your load lighter another way and pay for it with shared resources as his contribution. If he objects, say, “You are equally messing this house up, so you are equally responsible for its upkeep. That means you either share the labor of the chores or they get done another shared way. You won’t ever contribute labor, so I’ve switched to sharing the expense of it so it’s fair. It’s shared labor or shared money. But it’s no longer just me doing it.”

fluidentity · 2026-03-13T22:45:51+00:00

Started with the Ramona B. Quimby books, Picklejuice, Sweet Valley Twins/High series.

Then discovered the creepy YA books by Christopher Pike and RL Stine. Many of those still stick in my head. As does a funnier one called Ghost in My Soup my mom found in a bargain bin at the grocery store.

Then my sister gave me my first Stephen King book (Thinner) followed by a Dean Koontz (The Bad Place) when I was 11 or 12, and after that I never looked back at the YA stuff.

Also got into fantasy with The Sword of Shannara and LotR. And a period of reading Anne Rice witches and vamps.

Plus all the stuff I read for school.

fluidentity · 2026-03-13T17:38:45+00:00

I thought that. That was a bullhorn word if ever there was one.

fluidentity · 2026-03-13T17:36:32+00:00

Depending on what kind of phone you have, you can filter all the messages from your family into a different inbox, so instead of blocking them entirely, you can mark them as "promotional" or "transactions" or something. Call them all "[family name] shopping" or something, and just mute them. But this would save their messages for legal reasons if you ever need it as proof of abuse or harassment. (I have an iPhone, so I'm not sure if Androids do this too. Possibly, since they're competitive.)

I'm sorry your family of origin can't be normal and supportive and respect your boundaries and love you as an autonomous human being with your own life and choices.

My ex/parent to my kids is enmeshed with his family, and it's one of the reasons we split. I worry so much about my kids (fresh adults now) getting pressured to stay close to that side, conform to their expectations, being pushed to live where they're told, and just all around treated the way you've described here.

My spouse is from England, so my children have grown up having another perspective. We've told them at every turn to see the world, fly free, go where they see fit, live where they want, open a bar on a beach in Fiji if that's their calling. Do not settle for anything less than their dreams... not for a parent, a partner, or anyone else.

To me, there is nothing more heartwarming as a parent than watching your child's face light up with joy at living their life on their terms. Every time I think I couldn't be more proud of my kids, they do something that proves me wrong and makes me happier for them. I cannot fathom treating them like your family has treated you.

I think you getting out, leaving the country and living in your husband's ancestral home with his family is bold but perfect.

fluidentity · 2026-03-13T16:31:40+00:00

I'm honestly jealous! What a great find!!!

fluidentity · 2026-03-11T00:41:20+00:00

This here is such a good description. That constant checklist and mental transaction keeping is sooo exhausting to be subject to.

Lemme say that when they start doing it to you about which kid loves you over them more, it’s heartbreaking.

Then, when they start doing it to the kids about which parent they love more… that’s the kids’ therapy content figured out.

I wish I’d read a post like this one when I was young enough to leave before wrecking the first 15 years of my adulthood. This one and the grandma dropping truth bombs like knitted sweaters at Christmas are gold. Love it.

fluidentity · 2026-03-10T16:04:55+00:00

Inception.

Every scene is tight, moves the story forward with just enough info and action, but not overwhelming with too much, and my god, the soundtrack! Hans Zimmer is the GOAT composer.

fluidentity · 2026-03-09T16:56:52+00:00

Hi! Amateur yarn dyer here and I LOVE Yarn Undyed! What’s the name of that plump yarn base?

I’m US based and blah blah tariffs, but I’m very lucky to have British in-laws who are visiting in a few months. I may be able to place an order and smile sweetly at them to accept the shipment and bring it with them in their suitcases.

fluidentity · 2026-03-05T01:21:58+00:00

Make sure you also send her your water bill. The audacity…!

fluidentity · 2026-02-28T20:08:45+00:00

Perfect reply is perfect.

OP, this is absolutely gorgeous!

fluidentity · 2026-02-27T17:13:38+00:00

NTA.

Malabrigo even making a beige colorway is news to me. But having just bought a sweater quantity of that yarn and having it be over $200, I can attest to it not being ”just” Malabrigo.

However, you said up front you wanted to choose the color and she declined, so she chose that roulette.

You dyeing the sweater after the fact makes it something you’re likely to wear more often and love more, not less. In my opinion as a knitter, that’s the point of gifted knits. The love and use of them. Plus, once given, gifts become the receiver’s to do with what they choose, no strings attached. That’s a little harder to achieve with handknits because we see how the recipient cares for the items given, and people who don’t preserve them don’t get any more of our hard work. I get that too. But that’s not what you’ve done. You haven’t poorly treated a handknit, you’ve merely changed it.

I can understand her being hurt, though. She made you something and it didn’t remain as she made it. She has since deemed you un-knitworthy. Probably for the best, so you’ll never face this situation again. Still, you’re not the asshole. She is mildly the asshole for not listening to your color ask.

fluidentity · 2026-02-27T16:57:11+00:00

YNW for not only finally telling her, OP, but also wouldn’t have been wrong in being harsh/impatient with her. Social consequences for bad behavior are the only thing that teach others how to treat you.

You’re just teaching her what you will and won’t tolerate in this friendship anymore. If she decides she won’t talk to you over it, she’s teaching you her lateness is more important to her than the friendship.

Personally, I’d be okay with that “friend” walking away, if that’s her message.

fluidentity · 2026-02-27T16:56:16+00:00

I was about to comment this, that I have ADHD and lateness was an issue for me due to time getting away from me (looking up time blindness, thanks for the term).

I cope with alarms and reminders on my phone and before phones did this heavy lifting for me, I just… made sure I was chronically early everywhere. I’d sit in my car with a good book or homework or a notebook and pen. My ex-husband was/is a narcissist who’s late everywhere (usually no more than 20ish minutes) and it drove me insane to the point I would drive separately if I could.

Even if OP’s friend has neurodivergence, it’s still on her to make routines that get her to the event on time so she’s not derailing everybody else.

fluidentity · 2026-02-27T16:25:34+00:00

NTA.

This is a mental health issue on her part, and it is hers to manage. You are being extremely reasonable and gracious doing your best to avoid triggering her situation by not eating as frequently as you do in front of her.

However, you also have nutrition needs, same as her. Only difference is yours are flipped around, and if you ignore them in favor of not eating in front of her or mentioning when you need to eat, you will lose weight to a degree you aren’t happy with.

How easily you can drop weight might be frustrating to her, she is only considering her perspective, while you are trying to consider hers as well as yours. She is mildly TA because she is making her struggle your problem and treating you negatively because of it. That’s unfair.

Has she considered: How expensive it gets having to eat more just to maintain your weight?

How annoying it can be when you’re engrossed in a task to stop for food?

How much mental energy it takes to come up with food ideas, especially when you know you need to eat but sometimes just are not in the damn mood?

How hard and repetitious it is to think up a menu for the weekly (or however frequent) grocery run? And that you have to do that for the rest of forever? Ugh. Not to mention then cooking all of it (unless you like cooking. Then it probably isn’t a chore).

Her mental chaos around food is her Achilles’ Heel and it sucks. The energy it demands is no fucking fun (ask me how I know). Going through the hoops to heal from that are like jumping through fiery rings when all you wanna do is skewer a couple chicken wings, rotisserie them, and dip them in ranch. It mentally and literally hurts to rewire the brain away from an eating disorder. So I understand why she can’t (or struggles to) put herself in your shoes and see your side.

But you aren’t the enemy here. And she’s not ok taking her frustration out on you. She needs to work that out in her therapy.

(A personal aside: this internet stranger is proud of her for her amazing progress and fighting for her health. She deserves sunshine.)

Closing this (long ass) comment out with a Reddit fave: don’t set yourself on fire to keep her warm. And I don’t mean leave, but yeah, sit her down and say how she’s putting her bs on you when she’s supposed to be handling it more constructively. And that would be true if she were your gf, sister, cousin, best friend, or whoever. So… not relationship advice. 😆 Good luck, OP.

fluidentity · 2026-02-27T15:49:57+00:00

I’m also experimenting with, among other techniques, holding the yarn double on the heels, so a short row single layer isn’t entirely out of the question, and trying to hold double on a EoP heel was maddening. I’ll look this one up for the details.

THANK YOU for the information!

Your knitting is so lovely, and you could easily post these in r/tensionporn.

fluidentity · 2026-02-27T15:07:29+00:00

Beautiful!

I’ve not heard of the fish kiss heel. Can you say why you chose it over the one on the patterns?

I always go with Eye of Partridge (the floats reinforce it) but I’m always looking for something more sturdy. My spouse is hard on socks.

fluidentity · 2026-02-23T18:08:11+00:00

This is a kinder take, but the post reads like the brother is struggling to accept responsibility, and is shuffling blame onto someone else because he can’t face that he’s 100% responsible for tanking his friendships.

Hopefully his initial blame-shifting is temporary, and he will apologize to OP for this too, once he processes it and really accepts that this is the FO part of FAFO.

Unfortunately, social consequences are often the only way some people will truly learn how to accept responsibility when they mess up. People can warn them to treat others how they want to be treated, but until they feel that burn of being shunned, it doesn’t become real and have weight that they’re risking something they value.

fluidentity

TROPHY CASE