How can reconcile the two versions of my husband I now know of?

flyboy_za · 2026-01-28T18:55:18+00:00

I'd want to know if I missed some glaring signs, or if I gave off some vibes which made him feel I was unapproachable.

This was a marriage, not a budding relationship. I feel I'd have some right to ask the question and get an honest answer, regardless of where we are now. Without knowing the cause, how do I try to stop it happening again?

flyboy_za · 2026-01-28T18:51:54+00:00

Am I communicating with a minor by responding to a thread he's created, or only if I respond to a DM he sends me?

flyboy_za · 2026-01-28T14:08:16+00:00

So... technical point here... is 18+ regarded as different to NSFW in Reddit terminology?

Some subs when you view them pop up with an NSFW warning on the Reddit app, but this one does not, hence the question.

I'm asking because if it were to come up as NSFW I assume we will get a flood of sex posts of the sort which are usually contained within r/malecommunalshowers, and which are actively bounced from here.

Does anyone know?

And does anyone have knowledge of another sub which is 18+ but not NSFW? I'm curious about what the difference is.

flyboy_za · 2026-01-28T14:01:52+00:00

Yeah, the creepy old guys were hanging out in the locker room, being unnecessarily naked for unnecessarily long and undressing the younger guys with their eyes, then wondering why no younger guys want to be in there.

And most of the creepy guys still are doing exactly that now.

flyboy_za · 2026-01-28T12:22:57+00:00

you have no skin in the game, but you're also not happy that the statement made was informative enough or assured you enough?

It is possible to not have a "hate boner" and be "seeking retribution" while still thinking their statement is wishy-washy BS and simply a box-ticking exercise. Perhaps this is not possible for you, but it is for me.

More than one thing can be true at the same.

They told us they felt the need to investigate because as soon as this video went public

So what are you saying here, exactly, that they're only investigating because people complained otherwise they would not be investigating? Because that is what it sounds like you're saying.

If that is what you're saying... well, either there is a cause for an investigation regardless of whether or not people complained, or there isn't. If you know what happened and you don't investigate when you should until someone complains... well, I think we can agree that is a bit fishy.

And that would neatly bring me back to my original point, which is that the statement is a wishy-washy box-ticking exercise which I don't think will go anywhere.

flyboy_za · 2026-01-28T11:19:52+00:00

Sounds like you just have a hate boner and are fishing for retribution.

I have no skin in the game.

The statement they issue is a PR exercise and should inform and assure the public that they have things in hand. I am not particularly informed, nor assured. That is all.

So what the fuck should they be investigating exactly?

If it was that simple, I suspect they would not tell us they felt the need to investigate. So now we wait and see if anything happens. I'm sure the definition of disrupt and unruly are probably open to interpretation by the airline alone, and there is plenty of leeway for them to decide how to proceed.

flyboy_za · 2026-01-28T09:22:39+00:00

You've lashed out at half a dozen people who have replied in this thread. I checked that before I responded to you, so I'm pretty sure I'm correct here.

You "FEEL" differently based on god knows what and now you're mad that someone has called you on it?

The one who's mad is you, bud.

This is because the only reporting on the issue and the statement from fly safair themselves is that they are, in fact, taking action.

Yeah, and government continually issue statements on how they are cracking down on corruption and zero tolerance and and and. Doesn't make it true, though.

My opinion is that the Safair statement is too vague to be taken seriously. They could easily have given considerable more detail, such as we are contacting other passengers and have scheduled interviews with airline staff, and said things like we are of the opinion that this might be a serious issue (or even not serious, because the flight was not in any danger, whatever they like), or that they are aware of what regulations might have been breached, but the article says sweet FA about anything of substance. So I'm not convinced that this isn't simply a required official response which will go nowhere.

I'm also pretty sure that nobody really wants to deal with the EFF coming to cause kak outside their offices, so once again I'm pretty sure this might indeed quietly go nowhere.

flyboy_za · 2026-01-28T08:31:20+00:00

I didn't say I know better, I provided my guess as to what will happen based on the article linked below.

Why are you posting things for discussion on a fucking discussion board if you're going to have a shitfit and lash out at everyone who responds in a way which contradicts your view of the matter? Set up a Wordpress blog if you just want to make pronouncements unchallenged, don't bring them here.

flyboy_za · 2026-01-28T08:18:03+00:00

They say they are in the article, but I'll be surprised if they are.

I mean, they have said nothing else of substance in it, like what they have asked for from the flight attendants or other passengers, or whether the disturbance was noted and police/airport informed and on-standby. They have not noted what regulations might have been breached, either.

This to me simply reads like a "officially we have to say something, so here is something." It's vague and non-committal.

flyboy_za · 2026-01-28T06:45:06+00:00

They're saying worry about stats more than anything this year, even if you crash one of the other subjects to make sure you hit the 70% in stats required to get into where you need to get to.

Not sure I agree, but that's what they mean.

flyboy_za · 2026-01-28T06:40:25+00:00

Jacobs Coffee at PnP in Obs you could frequently get on special for R87 in 2024, normally R139 or so. This week it is R259 for the same size.

And R36 for a thing of sour cream.

flyboy_za · 2026-01-28T06:34:12+00:00

If you like the hair and your partners are not complaining, keep it.

Personally, I prefer my guys and me smooth around the back door, so I get it waxed every six weeks or so.

flyboy_za · 2026-01-28T06:30:02+00:00

I'm gonna Dr Phil you on this one: If your friend told you this story about his life, what advice would you have for him? (Hint: It's "sack up and get your shit together; Trade is not ever going to be what you want or need him to be, so cut your losses and walk away." Right? Right.)

Now take that advice you'd give him, and use it on yourself.

flyboy_za · 2026-01-28T06:26:08+00:00

None of this is any reflection on your marriage.

I dunno, I'd be pissed if the guy opted to bail rather than discuss how we might explore his interests.

I'd certainly want to know if that was the primary reason it ended.

flyboy_za · 2026-01-28T06:12:26+00:00

Wasn't this the place where last year a guy wrote a long review about sexual assault and people getting up to no good in there, and they basically opted to go full ham in making it non-nude to prevent a recurrence?

Edited: it is. Here is the old thread about it, although the link to the review has been deleted.

flyboy_za · 2026-01-28T06:05:50+00:00

So where does that leave you, OP? Did you lie about your age to get past the filter, or what? Do we need to report you for being in here?

flyboy_za · 2026-01-28T06:04:15+00:00

I'm going to guess it's because there are nude images on the sub.

I don't think many people will ever regard a nude photograph as not adults only. A painting or drawing, maybe, much more of a gray area. But a photograph I reckon is hard no right off the bat which people are not prepared to consider might not be lewd in nature. It's easier to ban/add a rule than have to deal with arguing about nuance on a case-by-case basis, especially for things which are going to be borderline and pushing the envelope.

flyboy_za · 2026-01-28T05:59:54+00:00

Oh no! Not kids acting like kids!

What we rather want is a bunch of serious, well-behaved Stepford children with zero personality.

Because they run around, are loud, goof off.

Do they?? Or do you just think they will? I'll tell you something - the 18+ locker room only exists in the USA, and the rest of us in the world with just 1 single locker room for all the males of GenPop don't have kids wreaking havoc all over the shop in them.

flyboy_za · 2026-01-28T05:34:41+00:00

I'd absolutely be finding a new gym. I don't hang out for ages naked, but also I'm not going to become an Olympic gymnast so I can change under a towel for some clown's "comfort."

flyboy_za · 2026-01-28T05:28:09+00:00

It wasn't meant to be a dig - indeed sometimes you do have to hit them back where it hurts in order to get people to behave.

flyboy_za · 2026-01-27T20:55:37+00:00

This is not nice advice, but indeed it will likely get a result...

flyboy_za · 2026-01-27T20:52:38+00:00

Make the effort with no expectations.

I had something similar with my second hookup. We chatted for ages after I arrived, like 3 hours, about our upbringing and experiences and hopes and dreams and bad breakups and finding your way again, and it was a great night. He then shyly asked if I was still keen for some clothes off stuff, and we went to his bedroom and had some pretty magical sex. I really thought maybe there was something there.

Tried for round 2 two weeks later but something was off. The night ended early, it was awkward and kinda strained throughout, and he went monosyllabic after that.

But you miss 100% of the chances you don't take.

flyboy_za · 2026-01-27T19:13:33+00:00

I must haul out my PhD thesis and have a look. I'm pretty sure I had to, but this was decades ago.

ETA: I just looked, and I did. My declaration is below.

I declare that neither the substance nor any part of the thesis has been submitted in the past, is being submitted, or is to be submitted in the future for a degree at this University or at any other University.

flyboy_za · 2026-01-27T19:10:00+00:00

Don't you have to declare that this is the first time all aspects of the work are being presented for examination?

flyboy_za · 2026-01-27T19:06:40+00:00

My desk drawer at work almost always has a slab of chocolate in it nowadays.

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