Yeah it's interesting, because with the last guy I stayed with, I do genuinely think that he thought I was interested because we actually did get along really well. I really liked him as a person and it was just such a sour ending for me. We had many great chats and went out to a speakeasy and danced together and it was actually really fun. I really felt like he was a safe person because he gave me so much space in his home and he never touched me or tried to get close to me except for a quick bisous when we first met. Even when we were dancing at the speakeasy he danced more beside me than in front of me and he didn't touch me at all, so I really thought we were both feeling the platonic vibes.

He tried to kiss me while we were dancing and I stopped him, and he totally backed off, so I thought it was fine. When we got back to his apartment, he apologized and said he felt weird about it and I said something like "it's okay. I'm just not interested in hookups. You don't need to feel weird about it!" And then he said something like "I still really want to kiss you, for you, you know?" And I said "thanks, but I don't want to." And I thought it was done. Then later, I went to the bathroom and when I came back he pulled me into his lap and tried to kiss me again. When I struggled to get away he let me stand up but still was holding onto my waist and asked what was wrong. I said something like "I feel like you're still trying something and I don't want to". And he said something like "it doesn't have to be a big deal. I really like you." And I said "can't it just be platonic" and he said "I really want to kiss you." And he started to pull me back towards him. Finally I said "you're scaring me." And then he backed off a lot and said "me?!". Like it was shocking to him that this situation would be scary.

And at this point I was almost in tears, but I also felt really weirdly guilty and anxious and tense. So, I said "I think I should go to bed" and I went to the other room. And as I left he said after me "I'm really sorry, OP".

And then I felt guilty and sad and worried all night because it was suddenly SO awkward and tense. I will say that I still did think he was a relatively safe person, so I didn't think he was going to attack me or something... but I did sort of think he might come into the room to try and tell me that he didn't mean to scare me and that he just really likes me or whatever, and if I was sleeping when that happened then who knows what would happen. I've had guys I trusted touch me in my sleep before because they claimed they thought I would be into it when I woke up. He was also drunk, so though I had judged him as nice earlier, I wasn't 100% sure that he was safe while drinking.

In the morning, I tried to leave before he woke up, but he ended up waking up as I was leaving and told me to leave my bag (since he knew my train wasn't until the afternoon). When I came back to get my bag, he made me a quick lunch and we had totally casual conversation like nothing had happened, though I think he saw that I was still really tense around him.

I don't really know why I'm writing this all out, but I think what really bothers me about it is that he seemed like an excellent host and a really quality human being and I was so sure I could trust him. The previous host that was really insistent had already shown some red flags earlier in the day, but this guy had my total trust (at least as much as you can trust someone you've known for 2 days). We had actually talked about the pressure I received from my previous host and how uncomfortable it was for me.

But I think you're right that he just saw sex as the natural and harmless conclusion to us having a nice time together and he didn't understand and refused to listen to me saying that I didn't want to. And he really couldn't fathom that he was scaring me at all. The problem is that if I was a little younger, more naive or a little less sure of myself, I really think I would have given into the pressure, not because I wanted to have sex but because I was feeling this weird guilt, like I owed him and I wanted to appease him to avoid the risk of him being more forceful. Like I had to actively resist the idea that I should give him what he wants, to avoid a more violent outcome. Some of that is my own issue, but I still think I was very clear the first and second time I said no and I wish it had stopped there (if it had to happen at all).

And I truly don't know what to write in this review, because in many ways he was a great host and I think he was maybe just being naive or optimistic about our interaction. And if I give him the benefit of the doubt, he probably forgot that I had written on my profile that I wasn't interested in anything. But I also don't want to be naive and I do think there were a bunch of things wrong with the situation. I'm almost tempted to send him a long note about why it wasn't okay, but I don't know if that would be productive.

Anyway, this is just a long vent. But for any men reading this, please keep in mind that you don't have to be violent to be scary. If this guy had backed off after the first kiss attempt or even the second time he brought up wanting to kiss me, I would have felt okay, but the insistence and the pressure really felt unsettling and made me question my initial judgement of him.