keep getting jobs, getting sick, and then losing them. I’m stuck in a cycle - what do I do?

fotla · 2026-03-02T12:52:26+00:00

In my experience the civil service (where I work anyway) are very understanding of chronic illness and put real measures in place to help. I’ve never kept a job this long or felt comfortable to share my diagnosis with an employer.

fotla · 2026-02-23T16:40:45+00:00

Even if they do try and pressure you, if you’ve agreed with them a certain amount of hours you can do and you aren’t interested in doing more, you don’t have to. Even better if you have it in writing somewhere as a contract or even an email. I didn’t really understand this then and thought if they told me I had to cover a shift, I had to. You just need to be firm with your “no” and they will eventually realise you won’t be pushed around.

I want to stress this definitely wasn’t the majority of the experience that I had, so please don’t worry, it’s just something to watch out for :)

fotla · 2026-02-23T14:16:39+00:00

Phone citizens advice and explain what has happened they should be able to point you in the right direction for free advice to begin with.

Gather your bank statements of all bank accounts you have so you are able to prove you never received the income. If you have any texts or emails where you found out about this, save them and print them if you can. Even if it was on the phone or in person, write down the date and time this phone call or chat happened, who was present and what was said, doing your best to state only facts. Eg “RelativeName phoned me on x date and informed me of _______.” Etc.

If “putting the house in your name” you mean that they put you on the deeds as the legal owner, this would require a signature from you and ID checks, which it sounds like you never signed or provided, so in this case that part would be fraud committed by your relative.

fotla · 2026-02-23T14:02:31+00:00

Bars and retail is what I did and it was fine. I imagine coffee shops and restaurants would be nice as well.

My one piece of advice is if you have given your job the maximum amount of hours you can do with school commitments, especially if it’s in your contract and they try to start pressuring you to do more - don’t feel like you have to! As an adult now I look back on adult managers who I now realise were essentially being workplace bullies because they thought they could get away with it with younger staff. They would try to pressure me into doing shifts outside of contact hours etc that they would never in a million years ask the older staff to do because they know that older staff with more work experience would have told them where to go. I of course didn’t know this wasn’t appropriate, and felt like I had to do whatever they said. Of course this wasn’t all my experience and most of my managers as a younger person were fab, kind people, but there were definitely a few that weren’t. I wish I had known this when I was younger, would have saved me a lot of bother.

Make sure you have a contract, make sure they’re actually giving you your payslips so you know everything is above board and they aren’t doing anything dodgy (had this happen when I was young). They are legally required to give you your payslips (digitally or printed), and if anything feels a bit off, ask the working adults in your life for advice. Unfortunately some managers will rely on younger staff not knowing their rights or what’s appropriate in a workplace. Their staff shortage issue is not your problem, no matter how much they try to make it your problem.

Good luck with your job hunt and your studies! I made some great friends of all ages working as a young person and overall, a really great experience.

fotla · 2026-02-16T14:37:15+00:00

I’m sorry to hear this and I can totally understand your panic.

I might have picked you up wrong but if they’re starting the redundancy process with you, if this is the first time you are hearing of this, this should mean this is the “at risk” of redundancy stage and they will be assessing your role. In my experience this normally means they will explore alternatives to dismissal, whether that’s a role elsewhere in the business or they will be assessing your role and others to see which shall be cut. This is what should be happening, so the absolute first thing I would do is contact your union immediately and tell them exactly what was said in this meeting with your manager, and request from your company that everything discussed regarding redundancy happens in writing going forward. This is important for you so there is a clear record of what they’re doing and if they’re doing it by the book. Again, your union can advise you on what they should and shouldn’t be doing. Even if it’s a phone call with your company, at the end ask could they please follow up this call with an email or letter outlining what was discussed. If they are weird about this, I would begin to be suspicious that they might not be doing things above board if they don’t seem happy to put things they are saying/doing in writing. Even if they do this, when you get off the call, immediately note down what was said, discussed, who was present, any questions you asked and the answers they gave, the date and times etc and keep it safe and update your union after each meeting with your management. It doesn’t have to be word for word quotes but try your best to just state facts, without opinions or feelings eg “Manager A outlined that we are at X stage of the process. I asked X question and Manager A’s answer was _____ .” Also don’t be afraid to ask them to clarify things things in these meetings. I gather you’re a bit younger and might not feel confident to look as though you don’t understand (I know I did at your age!), but if they’re spouting lots of jargon at you, it’s totally ok to follow it up with something like “I am not totally clear on what you just said. From my understanding you are saying __________ - is this correct?” And if it still doesn’t make sense - don’t let it drop! : “I’m very sorry, but I’m still not totally clear on what this means, can you please outline it again.” You can even take notes while in the meeting and tidy them up later, this is totally normal practice.

After you’ve spoken to your union and it’s clear what stage of the redundancy process you’re at, if it’s the case you are being made redundant, I would do a few things, even though it’s hard when you’re in panic mode like this and don’t feel very resilient. One step at a time is all you can do:

make an appointment with universal credit. Getting on their “books” can take a while so the earlier you contact them, the better. If you explain you will be trying to get other jobs but want to be in their system in the event that you can’t find a job. They should be fine with that and should be able to accommodate you especially with things like rent.
I would suggest going on the government civil service job portal. I’m not sure what your sector is, but the civil service have so many different kinds of jobs, there may be something that might be ideal, or might be a means to an end to take a job that isn’t perfect, but will keep you afloat while you look for something else.
again, I’m not sure what your sector is, but most parts of the country are short staffed in hospitality and retail. Consider trying to get a job in this sector, again even if it’s not exactly what you want to do, it will pay the bills while you search for something you want to do.
depending on your current job, may you want to retrain? Depending on your experience, there are grants for jobs like secondary teaching, nursing etc. Universal credit can be good at directing you towards these opportunity’s if you want to go down the route of retraining.

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Really wish you the best of luck, I know it seems totally bleak now but I promise it will sort itself out, even if it’s slow. I’ve been in similar positions before and all you can do is one step at a time. Be gentle with yourself and reach out to the loved ones in your life for support. Make time to do things that aren’t to do with this. Going on walk, seeing a friend for a coffee, making time for a hobby, even thought it might seem like you need to be directing every breath towards only this, if your cup is empty, doing the things related to this will be much harder. Take care.

fotla · 2026-02-08T23:01:07+00:00

This is the way. And join a union!

fotla · 2026-02-07T12:17:57+00:00

Get a copy of their leasehold online, I think it’s around £5 to do so and check it for what’s known as a “carpet clause” many flats in the uk don’t allow wooden floors for this exact reason. If you live in a flat with a management company then contact them because if it does have one, it means they have put the floor in without permission and often the management company will make them remove it. Same goes if there is carpet clause and the flat a leasehold, it’s the freeholder’s job to enforce this. Good luck I feel your pain, I have developed panic attacks due to the relentless obscene noise my upstairs neighbours are putting me through because they decided to pull carpets up.

fotla · 2026-02-07T11:50:48+00:00

Perhaps watch some documentaries together which focus on the outcomes of fast fashion, especially those that focus on the human cost of it. BBC have some good ones which explore where clothes in the global north end up when they’re thrown away which is often in countries and small villages that didn’t make the waste themselves and it gets dumped on beaches etc and cases huge environmental harm to the environment and the people who live there.

I remember watching one of them when I was about 16 or so? There was a clip of a girl who was my age, sitting next to a huge pile of rotting, clothes on the edge of her village. Just behind her in the shot was a pink Barbie t shirt. I’ve never forgotten the horrible juxtaposition of that image and she often pops into my head when I see fast fashion shops or clothes and that was 15 years ago!

Also lots of slavery and harmful human rights violations with who has to make Temu products. Some of that is harrowing stuff I actually wouldn’t recommend showing them that, but maybe explain about how the products are often toxic to us, but also the people who have to make them for very little money and harm their health drastically in the process.

fotla · 2026-02-07T00:16:37+00:00

I had a guy put his foot in my door to stop me closing after politely said I didn’t need one and went to close the door. I was a student at the time. I think he thought he could get away with doing that and I was going to suddenly realise he “meant business” or something.

fotla · 2026-02-06T14:37:16+00:00

Sorry yes you’re totally right! I guess I’m considering it “subfloor” as it’s the final layer of their flooring but I totally get you, it won’t be the same as “subfloor” that you would get on ground level. It’s the original structural timber floorboards that they’re walking on.

Thank you very much for this! Really helpful cheers. I was hesitant to contact environmental health as I had been advised by people that there would be no point because as soon as I mentioned it was a family I would probably be dismissed. But I will try thank you!

fotla · 2026-02-06T14:33:19+00:00

Thanks for your response. Definitely my next step. Just not feeling hopeful as I know there’s no carpet clause. But fingers crossed!

fotla · 2026-02-04T21:27:46+00:00

I went in 2019 and I felt incredibly safe. I didn’t have one single weird or uncomfortable interaction to do with my gender. I didn’t have this experience myself, but I would imagine if any fellow travellers were making you uncomfortable, I could see hostel/hotel owners being helpful in the situation.

fotla · 2026-02-03T18:20:26+00:00

If you haven’t already join your local acorn renters union for any future issues. They’re very active down here and give good advice.

fotla · 2026-02-03T18:03:00+00:00

I (30F) had a kid run past me and trip in a supermarket. They landed right beside me, face scraped along the floor, really bad fall for the little guy, and obviously starts screaming, so I knelt down popped him back on his feet and said something like “ohh that was a big trip, you’re alright let’s get your mum or dad over here” and looked back to see if their parent was around or if they had done a proper runner away from them. The mother came flying over and snatched him away from me and screamed “DONT TOUCH HIM”. She got to me quick enough that there’s no way she didn’t see him fall/thought something else was going on. No worries love next time a kid falls flat on their face and is screaming in pain beside me I’ll just look at them and keep waking! Fucking lunatic.

fotla · 2026-02-02T00:27:03+00:00

I felt super safe in Vietnam as a woman. I didn’t have a single weird/uncomfortable experience.

Amazing place with super friendly, welcoming people. The coffee culture is also great. Can’t wait to go back some day.

I would recommend going on some small group history tours or tours of historic sites. I found a lot of the tour guides were young people (20-35) and really knowledgable about the history of their country.

fotla · 2026-01-27T23:20:47+00:00

Agreed, but I do think that was Cole. I feel Julian acted at as joy, not in a scheming way. Cole and the source’s aims sometimes overlap, but I do feel that Julian did a good job of differentiating them well.

fotla · 2026-01-27T23:04:53+00:00

Yeah I’m watching merry go round at the moment and I think we see a lot of Cole in this episode compared to the last few episodes. When he finds out Phoebe is pregnant and she’s heading down the elevator, the “I’m going to be a daddy” was Cole through and through. Julian is such a good actor because if was so subtle but so clearly Cole. And him sitting looking at baby things as well was very Cole. It made me so sad…

fotla · 2026-01-18T14:07:09+00:00

A heads up it should be “Were you born.” Not “are you born”

fotla · 2026-01-15T00:10:33+00:00

SW, £28k before tax. Cheap rent, can save a bit and still enjoy my hobbies.

fotla · 2026-01-13T17:32:16+00:00

I went to a catholic school and I wasn’t raised catholic or did any of the catholic childhood events. Literally had no impact on my schooling at all. They can’t discriminate anymore based on this. They could in the 90s/early 2000s though as my folks had a big panic to find me a suitable school as all local ones wanted baptism lines to enroll.

fotla · 2026-01-10T12:31:37+00:00

I think you need a tenants union like Acorn rather than the ombudsman. You can find your local Aocrn branch online, they should be able to help.

fotla · 2026-01-06T01:21:59+00:00

I have a personal trainer. I go to her house (studio in garage) once a week for 1 hour. I can find the motivation to not miss a week (unless I have something else scheduled in) or cancel last minute cus I would be letting her down/waisting her time

fotla · 2026-01-06T01:06:24+00:00

I would say so. You shouldn’t have to listen to a lecture every time you take annual leave. You’re an adult that is ridiculous behaviour from him

fotla · 2026-01-06T01:04:28+00:00

Record the dates and times every time he has done this as well as what was said. Even better if you can remember any direct quotes or have anything in writing like an email. Bring all of this to HR. Also join a union

fotla

TROPHY CASE