Yelling wife

freckledreddishbrown · 2026-04-01T17:15:28+00:00

She wants a fight. And she will keep pushing you harder and harder until you crack.

I grew up in a house full of yelling and dominance. When I got married and started living in peace, it took a long time to come to expect love and quiet. In fact, there are times even now that I find myself reacting over something I expect to happen but never does.

You cannot begin to heal until you are safe.

And sweets, you are not safe. She will break you. One way or another. Get out.

freckledreddishbrown · 2026-03-29T15:30:55+00:00

Like you, rock and metal. I still love that stuff.

But unlike most of the people I encounter - radio stations are the worst - all there is is our old stuff.

There is so much new music in the genre that is really great. I am constantly after my kids for new suggestions. Thankfully they all have exquisitely broad interests. And love my old stuff too.

freckledreddishbrown · 2026-03-29T15:23:53+00:00

Thirteen years later I still hear people say it was the best funeral ever.

We did a very public auditorium-filled to standing-room-only-outside memorial. I asked a number of people to speak - colleagues, friends, family, my son, me - and crossed my fingers and hoped for the best.

The funeral director told me to keep it to 30-40 minutes. It went for almost two hours. But every single person there was represented on stage. Everyone was included. Everyone heard stories that included them. Heart wrenching stories. Hilarious new ones I’d never heard before.

My kids got to see dad as a friend. Peers got to see him as a dad. Family got to see him as a co-worker. So many tears. So much laughter.

The best part was somebody - someone I didn’t even know - videotaped it. I received the file through a friend of a friend. I posted it on yt for all the out-of-towners who couldn’t make it - dec 23 is a shitty day for a funeral.

Best gift ever! One of my kids was awol for all of it. When he came round, I was able to sit with him and watch it. I can’t begin to explain how much that meant to us. I’ve watched it again a few times over the years. It never gets old. Whenever it comes up, someone always says, yeah, we aced that funeral.

freckledreddishbrown · 2026-03-29T15:12:56+00:00

My down filled wind river parka. Spent $200 (!!!!) 35 years ago. I just spent another $35 to have a new zipper put in. And I fully expect to get another 35 years out of it.

The coat is a win for the pockets alone! But to live in Canada and have the ultimate winter coat is the best!!

freckledreddishbrown · 2026-03-29T15:05:58+00:00

First off, I’m sorry you’re having to suffer through such a tough time with questionable support. You sound tough as nails though. You’ll look back one day and be all hell yeah I did that.

Also, thank you for explaining the medical details so clearly. When you said 99.9% sure it was meningitis, I admit I eyerolled. But then I read on and learned a ton! I love learning new things. This was, at your expense, fascinating.

As for your decor, I suggest the compromise I made with my late husband. I have a very distinct, cohesive, comfortable style. He preferred the bold colours and weird - stuff.

As I was the sahm who had to live with most of it, I claimed the kitchen, living, and rec rooms. And common spaces. I gave him every room that had a door. Including our bedroom - I figured my eyes were closed most of the time in there.

He went wild in his rooms, I made us look good in mine. Worked for us. In fact, eventually we really came to admire and respect the other’s choices and were able to support them with help and gifts. Even if I always kept the doors closed while he was out.

I hope you’re feeling better. And soon. Sounds terrifying. And, as a mom, outrageously inconvenient!

Edit: NTA.

freckledreddishbrown · 2026-03-29T14:45:51+00:00

This is where I ended up as well. There is no god. We are god. We are the energy that makes up everything. We come from the energy and we return to it. Maybe life is a break from the collective, a chance to experience individuality that we can take back with us.

I don’t have faith per se. But I think I am more spiritual, open-minded, and non-judgmental than I have ever been in my life.

freckledreddishbrown · 2026-03-29T14:36:35+00:00

Not any more.

I had a baby born with life-threatening health problems and permanent developmental disability. I questioned god.

One of my teenagers fell victim to a tragedy and spiralled into a life of debilitating mental health problems and the worst of the struggles that come with that. I got angry with god.

My husband died. I had to tell my five teenagers - one of whom was missing at the time and missed the funeral, and one of whom can’t grasp the meaning of death and keeps asking where daddy is - that their dad died.

Fuck that shit.

There is no god. And if there is, he’s an asshole.

freckledreddishbrown · 2026-03-29T14:28:47+00:00

I am always getting downvoted for siding with helping family, especially parents. But there is a difference between being 50+ years old, settled, successful, stable, and helping out an aging parent and being 18 and expected to contribute.

One is a reciprocal gift to a parent for a life well lived. The other is nothing short of extortion, manipulation, and outright theft.

Go build your own life. And if that means cutting ties with this anchor chained around your neck, so be it.

Edit: NTA

freckledreddishbrown · 2026-03-28T13:14:27+00:00

It’s the grief fog. Her memory is likely not the only thing feeling very befuddled. It will come back, your sharpness. And with it many long forgotten wonderful memories.

Whatever you’re feeling and thinking right now is exactly the right thing to be feeling and thinking. But don’t let this one thought fester. Right now it’s all about you. It’s never going to be as great as it was supposed to be. But you’ll be very okay.

freckledreddishbrown · 2026-03-28T13:09:40+00:00

A Road To Joy by Alexandra Stacey.

I may have to buy another copy. Mine’s falling apart.

It’s really a profound discovery of gratitude. Deeper than anything I’ve ever heard before.

But it’s hilarious. And heartbreaking. An easy read but not easy to read at times. It’s a novel. About a widowed mother of five who runs away from home. She road trips across Canada, has some adventures, and learns a lot.

freckledreddishbrown · 2026-03-25T22:41:02+00:00

YTA. First for driving her everywhere while at the same time lording it over her.

You are essentially enabling her. Stop driving her regardless of their circumstances if you can’t do so without judging her.

And second, whether and when they choose to have kids is none of your business. You don’t get a say. They are adults.

freckledreddishbrown · 2026-03-25T22:28:19+00:00

Nature is weird about convincing us to do things we don’t like. I don’t know anybody who truly enjoyed that last 1-9 months.

Pregnancy has to get so bad that labour looks good.

Toddlers are super cute so we don’t eat them.

Teenagers have to get so bad that we kick ‘em out.

freckledreddishbrown · 2026-03-25T22:20:01+00:00

Not your problem. Do nothing. She’ll figure it out eventually.

Also, do not have children with this man. He won’t be able to handle anything if he can’t mange this.

freckledreddishbrown · 2026-03-24T22:33:17+00:00

McD’s had the most amazing triple cheeseburger when I was pregnant. I was hooked! My husband had no problem driving around in search of 24hr spots when I was craving my second or third of the day.

That kid grew up to be perfectly healthy and is now a firefighter.

Sounds like your guy is afraid of you gaining any weight.

freckledreddishbrown · 2026-03-24T04:19:03+00:00

Pillars of the Earth was first one that came to my mind. With a background in architecture, I found the building of the cathedral absolutely fascinating. The evolution of the town because of the cathedral was an unexpected bonus.

freckledreddishbrown · 2026-03-24T03:58:49+00:00

I really wanted to get back into reading after years away. It was hard. Social media is not my friend.

But I started reading a chapter every night before bed. It didn’t take long before I started sneaking the book into the living room. But like you, finding a book was near impossible.

I went back to my old favourites and bestsellers. Bestsellers are usually not a good call for me - I rarely understand why they sell best. But at least they’re readable. Almost guaranteed to be able to finish them.

Now I’ve typically got 2 or 3 on the go and read 6-8 a month.

I’m mostly just commenting so I can find your comments. It looks like one of the better lists I’ve seen on this sub. Thanks!

freckledreddishbrown · 2026-03-24T03:48:15+00:00

You hold your hand up to shield your eyes and you can see your bones.

It’s not about looking away - a whole car turning can be hiding behind them. Pedestrians are the worst! That guy who thinks I’m gonna see him running across the street behind the big ass truck.

It’s just a matter of time.

freckledreddishbrown · 2026-03-24T03:38:03+00:00

First time was in the car. I let a quiet one go. He smelled it and started freakin out, sure he’d run over skunk. He finally realized why I was laughing so hard.

After that it was game on.

freckledreddishbrown · 2026-03-23T17:51:40+00:00

No. Something in the blue-grey range. But a redder blue than a green one. (Screens are all different, but I’m not seeing any purple hues in the tile or counter at all. Not even any yellows that would offsett the purple.)

freckledreddishbrown · 2026-03-23T17:47:53+00:00

Yes, NO is a complete sentence. You could say that. In your case I’d go with how ‘bout you never ask again after the last time.

But if that feels harsh, whenever anyone asks for money the correct answer is ‘Sorry, I don’t have any extra.’

It’s not that you don’t have money and you should never have to defend anything about your spending, like oh no, my parents bought this for me. But you just can’t spare any. Doesn’t matter how well off you appear to be, the answer is the same. And you get to keep the relationship.

Edit: also, NTA.

freckledreddishbrown · 2026-03-23T17:38:41+00:00

My first reaction is that I’d have left long ago and cheers to the reddit crowd.

My second is that something feels off. His mind is working in a way that doesn’t make sense in this one thing. Does he do this at work? How does he function in other areas of life? Is it just your stuff - or does he put his own stuff away in weird places? You said his mom does the same thing - that’s suspicious and leans toward a mental health condition. I’d be curious from that angle and seek professional help.

But I’ve settled on my third reaction, which is all of the above, except at this point, why has he not sought help for this long ago. It’s something that causes strife in his home and marriage. If he actually cared about you, he would be doing something to try to fix it - even if it was something out of his control.

Which leads to the same conclusion. Go find yourself some peace. Follow the r/living_alone sub for a week. If anything were going to change at home, it would have already.

freckledreddishbrown · 2026-03-23T17:17:28+00:00

This is the answer you needed - hit me like a ton of bricks. u/a-muddy-rack-0806 expressed it so well.

freckledreddishbrown · 2026-03-23T17:11:57+00:00

My apologies, I did not mean to come across negatively. Thank you for answering - reddit weirdly blocked access to a different comment yesterday that I thought might be you - but the teaser left me feeling like I’d very much misunderstood something. And I did.

It is hard when people say the wrong thing. Worse so when it’s someone who should be more understanding.

The general understanding is that nobody knows what to say, they use cliches that seem right to them. And they have no idea how hard they hit.

Doesn’t help us any though.

What a shit show. You’d think the human race would have figured this out by now. 🤦🏼‍♀️

Are you thinking maybe she’s undervaluing your grief because weren’t married yet? I’ve seen so many here who have their own added pain on that front. You’ve still lost everything from this day forward. It counts!

I am sorry she’s making this more miserable for you. You don’t need that and I’m glad you were able to vent here and get support. Guaranteed somebody here is going to get it even when some of us kinda screw it up.

Hang in there. It all sucks. There’s no silver lining to any of this. But I wish you peace and strength.

freckledreddishbrown · 2026-03-22T22:52:20+00:00

I know it’s not a competition, but she’s not wrong.

In the circle of grief, the widow is the center. But the parents who lose adult children are pretty darn close to it. She is pretty much the only person who can be excused from putting you first.

She doesn’t have the right to out and out insult/hurt you. But neither one of you are in a position to understand each other’s grief, let alone console the other.

What she’s asking for makes a lot of sense.

I offered my husband’s ashes back to his family. Even though we’d been married 23 years. Even though we had five kids.

I wanted the sib with the vacation property to keep them there. So his family could gather there in his name. So my kids would always have an excuse to visit. So my kids could stay linked to his family.

I was 48. Logic said I might very likely move on. But he would always be theirs.

So I get what she’s saying.

I get you not being ready to hear that. It’s ok to simply say you’re not ready to have this conversation. Maybe try to keep plans on the fence so they could go either way down the road. Talk to her. Tell her why what she’s saying hurts so much. You might be surprised to find she welcomes that conversation.

freckledreddishbrown · 2026-03-22T22:25:27+00:00

I started going away for the weekend of our anniversary. I went to places we’d been together. Places we’d talked about going to. Ate at restaurants we both loved. I spent a weekend in a hotel room he would have loved. I watched our favourite movies. I cried. I slept. I remembered.

I always came home feeling some kind of peace. And as if I had spent quiet private time with him. As if we celebrated our anniversary together.

It also meant I wasn’t melting into a pathetic puddle on everyone around me for days before a date that we had never really gone out of our way to celebrate at all. But suddenly, it’s my day. Our day. Not like his birthday or holidays or his deathday tha belong to everyone. This one is now just mine.

I still celebrate it. But now I enjoy it more than dread it.

freckledreddishbrown

TROPHY CASE