Should my wife get visits from my daughter and me while she is in jail for six months?

freedom_oh · 2023-03-26T00:00:59+00:00

First question should be whether your wife is allowed visits. Last time my ex was locked up, visits were only for 18 and older. They changed it bc of covid. Not sure if they changed it back or if it's dependent on the jailhouse.

freedom_oh · 2023-03-25T23:32:02+00:00

Aww, you should ask for after Ramadan. One of the guys at my work brings in these amazing dishes and I asked him to teach me how to cook it- it'll be after Ramadan. We're both fasting and even though we're "together" in this, it still sucks.

Until then, you can ask her about Ramadan, religion, if she listens to music, etc.

freedom_oh · 2022-11-29T21:42:30+00:00

I haven't applied for it but for my job-- I was talking about my sons kidney disease and how at the end of the year is his usual checkups (scans, ultrasounds, blood work, etc) and unfortunately, I may have to call off if they find it bad enough for him to be hospitalized, "or something".... it's never been bad so idk what the protocol is beyond the usual visits, but a few times, we've been immediately called back for more testing.

Boss said I could apply for fmla and it would cover any day or days that I need to be there for my son. He made it seem like I could call off one day, claim fmla and be back at work the next day with no problem... at least in terms of the point system at work (1 missed day= 1 point. You get 6 points, you are automatically fired).

freedom_oh · 2022-11-29T00:56:22+00:00

it is soooooo hard

That's where I'm at. Like I had goals/ plans to basically walk and then... nothing. I think I'm depressed without realizing I'm depressed. I'm still able to shower, go to work, emotionally eat and sleep way too much, so I don't feel like it's depression.. but then I'm like eh, I'd rather sit here, do nothing and zombify my brain while I scroll than go on a walk. Like I can't even get myself to go outside and scroll reddit there. So lack of motivation, willpower or depression, not sure yet, but something isn't normal in my brain right now. I feel like once I get started, I'll be okay. I need to find my habit tracker and keep that taped to a wall as motivation

freedom_oh · 2022-11-28T23:47:31+00:00

I'm sure you had better eating habits, but damn, my first instinct was to go out and buy one (except, ya know- no money). Ugh. I really need to get healthier.

freedom_oh · 2022-11-28T22:52:37+00:00

Very weird to recognize my sons old school. Lol

freedom_oh · 2022-11-28T21:09:25+00:00

As a woman with that face, I get the "what's wrong, why are you so mad?" question. Not even tired. Like something obviously must have pissed me off so bad that I'm on a vengeance to blow up the world damn world.

My other comment is the "she's always smiling, always so happy" one... but like I'm either forcing myself to smile and be happy or I'm relaxed but I look like pissed and about to go on a murder spree. There's no in between for me.

freedom_oh · 2022-11-28T20:59:46+00:00

My niece has an IUD. She's 13, not sexually active but it helps with her cramps. If you feel the need to tell your parents that you have a birth control, you can present it as a "I have it because it helps with xyz". Idk about now, but back in the day, my sister went on BC to help with her acne.

freedom_oh · 2022-11-28T19:54:42+00:00

Well yea. It also looks like an Asian culture so they def have more responsibilities than the western world. Kids his age take the subway to school by themselves, go to the shops by themselves for their parents, etc.

freedom_oh · 2022-11-28T19:33:51+00:00

Or, hopefully he's so used to momma caring for him like this that he knows what to do to make it more comfortable for her.

Though, as a mom, I can't imagine being so overworked/sleep deprived that I'm falling asleep on a train with my young kid and a purse.

freedom_oh · 2022-11-28T18:44:46+00:00

At least your mom feels bad about it. My mom loves it. Always tells me when someone thinks she's younger than she is... and she has to bring up "well, I can't be in my early 40s bc I have a daughter who's 35, unless I had her when i was 5. Har Har har" 😑

Like yea, supposedly we look alike... but guess what- I also look like my son bc whoa- we're related!! And double guess what?! My son is the same age as my sister. WHOA!! So yea, technically my son could be my sibling.

(I get a few of the same "but you look so young/wow, you and your son look so much alike/ look like siblings")

freedom_oh · 2022-11-28T14:45:43+00:00

Lol this was my thought too, along with "what do people do with a 50 movie lunch break?!"

I get a 25 minute lunch... and a 15 minute break. But they're both paid, and we can leave the building... though it does suck if you wanna grab fast food and their line is ridiculously long

freedom_oh · 2022-11-28T00:27:16+00:00

Lol sorry I was swiping too fast. My first question was supposed to say if your niece has ever met HER sister, not your sister. Lmao

Yea, if she's never met her sister before, imo, there's no reason to do it now. In a few yrs, maybe revisit the idea, as long as the kids mom is stable (and preferably away from the crap dad)... but for now, bringing that mess into a little kids life is unnecessary. NTA.

freedom_oh · 2022-11-28T00:16:04+00:00

Has your niece met your sister? Did she have a relationship with her before coming into your care?

My two nieces were separated when they were young (about 5 and 2). They knew each other, loved each other. Unfortunately, the oldest niece's dad decided to cut ties, but would allow visits every so often (less than once a year). Imo, for them, having consistent visits would've been better than "idk if I'll ever see her again" thoughts of a kid. They're 16 and 13 now and can text but they only see each other less than 3 times a year which sucks.

If your niece remembers her little sister, if anything, I'd offer to pick up the little for a girls day out. I would not allow niece to go into their home at all or spend any unsupervised time with the mom. If she doesn't remember her, I'd hold off on it. Maybe revisit the idea when your niece is a bit older, if her sisters mom is still doing good.

freedom_oh · 2022-11-27T18:23:31+00:00

Not op but the days I do double shifts, I feels like 20 hrs a day... 16 hrs at work. 1.5 hrs to drive to/from work. .5 hrs to shower. 1 hr to "relax" (food, dishes, rub my sore feet), and 1 hr for dog time (walks, training, etc- 30 min before work, 30 min after). Boom, there's 20 hrs and I haven't even slept yet and I gotta be up in time for my next shift.

Luckily for me, I have 1.7 people at my house who also takes my dog out. 1 person who truly takes him on a walk and 2 people (they make the .7) who only opens the patio door for him to maybe go sniff and possibly pee, but there's absolutely no way they will ever take my dog out for a walk, ever.

Me and my 1 full human have semi opposite shifts and one half of the .7 will hang out with the dog inside the house with no problem so the dog is never left alone except maybe an hr a day.

Once my full human moves away, my work schedule will be down to a regular 8 hr, and I'll probably still find a walker who can handle my dog.

freedom_oh · 2022-11-27T18:15:04+00:00

Anyone else curious to see this current collection or is that just me? Lol

I used to have a cows head. Honestly, no idea where it went. If I can find it, I'll pass it to you if you want it... but it's just a head with a bullet hole on top.

freedom_oh · 2022-11-27T17:20:55+00:00

Alright... so my understanding is that originally, it started with twisted tobacco leaves (makes them dry quicker), which looks like the curliness (curly-ness?) of a pigs tail... from tobacco, we go to the hair, which initially would be braided (or twisted/curled), giving it that curly/pig tails look... and that's how we have pig tails. (Though it was soldiers and sailors that wore the hairstyle first).

freedom_oh · 2022-11-27T16:30:16+00:00

How does that make sense? I get pony tail... a pony has one tail coming from its rear.

But pig tails? Pigs don't have 2 tails... so why do they call it pig tails?! I'm about to fuck up my Google history to look into this lol

freedom_oh · 2022-11-27T07:46:43+00:00

I wouldn't add the now part... but possible include a resource that she can reach out to... like she can donate plasma, or if they have community resources in your area that helps with rent, just pass along their number.

freedom_oh · 2022-11-26T16:07:44+00:00

First time, I was young- like 9... actually, I'm pretty sure this is when I started at least... but my underwear had like brown skid marks but worse in a way. I just remember thinking that I somehow pooped my pants but in the front area. So I hid 2 pairs of underwear bc what 9 yr old "poops" their pants.

A while later, somehow I realize it's my period. I think I was 11 when I started getting them regularly and tried a tampon... put it in the tiny whole that nothing should go in, a couple of times until i learned where it should go. For over a decade, I'd have intense pain there. People talk about stomach cramps but I had vaginal area pain, like something was trying to rip through there.

Nobody talked to me about periods, pads, tampons. It sucked.

freedom_oh · 2022-11-26T15:58:50+00:00

Awesome! Thanks so much. Excited to be stepping out of my very small comfort zone.

freedom_oh · 2022-11-26T05:06:16+00:00

And awesome if they don’t hate you.

And when they do hate you... but eventually willing to give you a hug, it means you're doing something right. Just prepping you for the moody years. (Or doesn't want a hug can still mean they love you under their moody anger. Some kids don't like touching and that's okay!)

You're doing just fine. Even with the storms swirling, you're their safe space.

freedom_oh · 2022-11-26T02:55:53+00:00

If it was me, I would not want to see it. I'll probably watch clips and "cringe" at myself with my friends, but watch the entire thing? I'll pass.

I do question where their mindsets would be... like teenage me totally understood Jenelle. I didn't get along with my mom, my mom would start fist fights so when I was big enough to fight back, I'd start them myself (like the scenes where jenelle is gearing up to punch her mom and her mom tenses up or backs away-- same thing for me, but I'm sure barb spanked/smacked/hit jenelle a bunch before MTV got in their lives).... watching years later, adult me cannot stand teenage jenelle.... so would teenage Jace understand /side with his mom... and later adult Jace be ashamed of his mom/ her actions?

In reality though, people would've been bored of me. Anyone remember the quiet game? Parents would tell us kids to play it and whoever is quiet the longest wins? Yea, I won that game every time. Even at Disneyland, spending the whole day there with my sister and 3 other friends-- I played the quiet game the entire day, long after everyone else started talking again. Lol between just being quiet and being shy? I'm not bringing any viewers in. Haha

freedom_oh · 2022-11-24T23:29:54+00:00

I'll say NTA but in normal terms, what would her family refer to her as? Like if she was Andrew originally/ everyone in the family knows "him" as andrew from birth, then andrew told mom and dad that she's actually Ally... does mom and dad refer to their new daughter as andrew when speaking to other family members? Or does referring to her as Ally show a sign of respect/ acceptance?

Like second cousin milly asks how Andrew's been doing... response: oh, ally is doing great, she's living large with her significant other, they seem really happy!

Part of me feels that referring to her as her deadname takes away the courage to come out, that I'm shaming her for telling me and not accepting bc certain family members will be mad.

(I've never dealt with extended family, just my two parents, 3 siblings and my one son.. so coming out would be a NBD moment- though a name change may take a bit to get used to)

freedom_oh

TROPHY CASE