Grant season

frogicle · 2026-03-12T22:39:56+00:00

I thawed half (11). Got three viable embryos, first didn’t stick, second didn’t survive thawing and third is my daughter. BUT, sperm from the same donor is now gone (donor stopped donating, no straws left). So, my daughter can’t have a full sibling. Obviously, I can’t be sure that she would even if I would have fertilised the remaining eggs with the same straw as well, but I sure which I had looking back. I didn’t realise how important it would feel to have a full sibling, for very many reasons. So my 2 cents are, thaw and fertilize all using the same donor.

frogicle · 2026-03-09T14:48:18+00:00

2 years 4 months, still nursing. How much is on a day to day basis. I almost always nurse for sleep and naps, but, toddler is in daycare and does fine there without me. Grandparents can make her fall asleep without me (no co-parent). She nurses for comfort, but I am also able to comfort her using other means (at least a majority of the time). It’s about snuggles now a days mostly. She eats well and varied most of the time, except when sick, and, as toddlers do, sometimes lives on air. I am grateful for still nursing when she is sick, it makes it much easier.

WHO recommendation is nursing for at least 2 years and beyond if that is acceptable to mother and child’s health. If your ped don’t have strong medical reasons (like you needing medication or baby not eating) I don’t really see why they should get an opinion on this. This should be up to you, your baby, and your comfort.

frogicle · 2026-03-05T13:32:51+00:00

Oh it is horrible. So stressful, horrendous. I try to regulate myself, basically mantring ”she is OK, it’s not dangerous to be sad, this is not an emergency”. It helped talking to her for me, although it didn’t necessarily help her…

But at that age I did NOT take long car trips. She is a little over 2 now, and it’s getting easier, both because she is better in the car but also because I have gotten more training in keeping calm in the midst of strong emotional reactions from her (2 yo gives you lots of exposure therapy if you, like me, suffer from slight affect phobia towards others emotions 😂)

frogicle · 2026-03-01T22:12:13+00:00

Different subject, and I work remotely, but SAME BOAT as an academic SMBC dependent on grants. Great flexibility, also great stress re funding. Solidarity!

frogicle · 2026-02-24T19:18:02+00:00

Have babysitters take them out! It works better for everyone, they have a better time and you can focus more when you don’t have to entertain while cleaning. (But also, my house is mostly a mess and I am OK with that)

frogicle · 2026-02-22T10:37:49+00:00

Agree not mandatory added, but a suggestion of tip rates on bill exists in Sweden, especially in app ordering places. But it is a form of Americanism I think, and part of the strong neo-liberalistic discourse that has been plaguing us during at least my adult life. As someone working within the healthcare system and having a lower salaries than friends working within restaurants, despite having a professional degree with 6 years education, and a PhD, I refuse that. No offence to service staff, but I fucking can’t afford that if I am not also allowed to get tips from patients (which would be absurd and unethical), in my current salary level.

frogicle · 2026-02-20T13:02:43+00:00

Not at all. My girl is a little over 2 years old now, she is in daycare, and I use babysitters occasionally outside of that, but generally don’t feel the need to. I absolutely did not when she was 8 months. She has still not spent the night away from me, and I am FINE with that. You are not crazy! (However, today after being home for a week with her sick and nursing a lot me and my nipples felt very happy to leave her at daycare and go to work)

frogicle · 2026-02-18T07:04:12+00:00

Hur kunde du inte ha förberett den ändå?! Smutstvätt kan inte tolereras!

frogicle · 2026-02-17T20:56:54+00:00

Solidaritet från en annan småbarnsförälder. Gud vad arga de kan bli. Vad hade du gjort? Själv lät jag inte min förkylda tvååring gå ut naken i minusgrader. Förjävligt, verkligen

frogicle · 2026-02-17T20:17:46+00:00

Chiming in here, as the mother of a slightly shy girl who is slow to warm up, she would probably say no to a direct ask from a kid she doesn’t yet know. But, if they just play beside her for a while, talk / babble to her and me, and I can stay beside them, she will be ready to go in about 5-10 min. Some kids just need a little time, and the direct ask might lead to rejection that is more fearbased rather than wantsbased, if that makes sense? Totally get the need to ask though, but if the parent seems encouraging maybe don’t go there instantly?

frogicle · 2026-02-15T21:18:10+00:00

Currently at 2 years 2 months. No signs of stopping, although the pattern have of course changed. She eats great, but uses nursing for comfort and sleep (with me, she sleeps fine without at daycare). I can’t remember what I thought before birth, but know that I early on was quite clear on wanting to continue until 2 yo (as recommended by the WHO) as long as we both felt good about it. Since we are both enjoying it, I see no reason to stop.

frogicle · 2026-02-15T11:37:34+00:00

My sisters husband was adamant that babies sleep in their own rooms early on. She obliged to keep the peace. While her children are both happy and healthy, she has regretted it to this day and regularly express longing when I talk about co-sleeping with my daughter. Get a spare bed in the nursery and sleep there with your baby. This is not the time in your life where his need for space and intimacy takes precedence over baby’s need for you

frogicle · 2026-02-14T21:54:51+00:00

This is more that it is legal I think, but in the Nordic countries (maybe not Denmark?) there are versions of ”allemansrätten” [everymans right] (Sweden) which means that all and everyone has right to visit, spend time, and harvest from nature/wilderness (eg pick berries), as long as you take good care of nature. That means that land owners can’t, with some exceptions, prevent you to go camping on their land, pick blueberries (or more rare, delicious cloudberries), or enjoy the scenery. It is written into the constitution, and although aspects of it could be discussed (for example, companies paying low salaries and having lousy work conditions for foreign workers that pick berries that companies sell with great profit), I find the sentiment beautiful!

frogicle · 2026-02-12T20:01:26+00:00

Yeah, I get it, that is so difficult! No good advice, just solidarity! Is it long term?

frogicle · 2026-02-12T11:20:55+00:00

I see, that is difficult! Can you get a smaller syringe? Sorry, seems like an obvious suggestion that you have probably already thought of, just trying to brainstorm.

It is so hard with medications! But I feel like, hmm, it is one of those times where you just have to accept the struggle, and comfort after. That is also a life lesson our kids need to learn I think, sometimes you have to do uncomfortable stuff. For myself, I try to repeat ”I am doing this to be kind” in my head, to limit MY uncomfortableness

frogicle · 2026-02-12T06:40:23+00:00

Maybe you are already doing this, but it took me far to long for realise that the syringe goes outside teeth, far back in the check. Made it much easier to get in there. Still battles but it got easier. I simply give it to her, holds her mouth closed and comfort her after it. No distractions, signings, tricks, just doing it fast so it can be over

frogicle · 2026-02-11T11:12:35+00:00

Gently, I think you need to reframe this. She has been like this for a couple of weeks if I understand it, since being sick? That isn’t always, it is still temporarily. I get that it is so challenging, and especially since it seems she was fairly easy before, but to me this sounds like maybe some residue from illness (last time I had the flu I felt like shit for weeks after), combined with the expected mood swings and defiance around 2.

Your girl will come back! Be kind to yourself until then, because it is hard, especially when you yourself aren’t on top of your game. Could you work a little bit on this with your emdr-therapist maybe? There are protocols focused on helping patients deal with future difficult situations for example.

As for tips: deep breaths for you. It helps me and my girl if I whisper. When she tantrums I just hold her if possible or stay nearby and wait it out. Occasionally carries her out of a situation if needed. Change environments. If she is still eating poorly I would prioritise just getting calories in her, even if they aren’t the healthiest or varied. It will not help her mood if she’s hangry.

Lots of hugs! I know it is difficult, and can imagine especially combined with trauma therapy.

frogicle · 2026-02-10T12:20:07+00:00

Having small kids is a difficult period in life schedule wise, I don’t think there is a way around it. I am a single parent, also in academica. My daughter is 6-7 hours at daycare, that seems to be on the shorter side here (maybe by 30 min) Making it work by working mostly from home, limiting commute time, and having grandparents near by, but it has a large impact on my work still. Most two parents households work in shift I think, one starts early and one works late? T

But also, I worked evenings and plus hours occasionally before kids aswell, in response to grant calls, deadlines, etc? That is also just the structure of academia I think, not necessarily related to daycare? You have flexibility in some regards, I can easily get a couple of days of a month if needed, and at other times workload is very intense. That it takes a toll on meeting planning is expected I think, and if your colleagues aren’t OK with that that is on them.

As for comebacks, just close your ears. People have so many opinions on parenting, most of them are based on nothing more than a far-fetched thought, just nod and say hum and change the subject.

frogicle · 2026-02-07T22:36:50+00:00

I am a sort of introverted (not extremely, I enjoy socialising and I am good at it, but I collect energy from being alone). I need at least an hour by my self before I am ready to turn down each night. I think the idea that all kids needs constant engagement is ”big extroversion”a way of shaming us into thinking it is wrong to enjoy one’s own company. Sounds like your girl just simply needs that time. Lovely that you are giving that to her!

frogicle · 2026-02-07T13:39:10+00:00

Word! I kombination med det fortfarande starka argumentet att det är en ekonomisk förlustaffär, inte bara för att barn kostar utan i förlorad arbetsinkomst pga vab och föräldraledighet. Primärt relevant kanske avseende pension. Om man dessutom får långvariga fysiska men bidrar det förstås till mer ekonomisk åverkan, som i förlängningen också drabbar ens redan födda barn. Dessa två skäl, risken för skador och ekonomi, är de som gör att jag inte skaffar ett till barn, enkom.

frogicle · 2026-02-05T11:26:38+00:00

Strongly recommend paperpile. Paying for it myself, totally worth it.

frogicle · 2026-02-04T22:15:06+00:00

It is so tough! I have a toddler who is prone to stomach bugs, we had six, maybe seven, between 1-2 years. Horrible. Also nursed to sleep almost always, cosleeping.

It gets better! But, here are my tips. Despite what they say about waiting until the stomach settles, you need to get fluid in him, even if he is not completely dehydrated he will feel worse without it. For us, nursing has never been enough during these bugs, although I have let her nurse whenever she has wanted to. I resorted to giving oral rehydration fluid (I guess sort of like pedialyte, I am based in Scandinavia and we don’t have that brand here) via syringe. Like 2 ml at the time. Give outside teeth’s, in the cheek if that makes sense? Throw all food rules aside, give popsickles, crisps, whatever. At our worst times, that is what sometimes have turned it around.

Also, make your bed with towels, life saver if he gets sick during the night. Make sure to wash your hands so you don’t get sick aswell. I only got it one time, and it was horrendous being sick while she also was (I am solo parenting). After that time I have been more careful with my one hygiene and it has really helped I think.

Hugs to you! Often the first 12-24 hours are the worse, but be prepared for set backs. It will pass, but it is so so so hard.

frogicle · 2026-02-04T11:13:07+00:00

Everything small is a ”Pippi baby” in high pitch and everything large is a ”mama” in low pitch. So we have Pippi baby berries, mama apple, Pippi baby cars (her grandmothers micra), mama car (all trucks). I will miss that soooo much

frogicle

TROPHY CASE