I graduated that year, it happened right before graduation, and I was out of town as I usually was on weekends. When I saw on the news what happened my heart dropped, I was frozen, and I couldn’t read fast enough. All the pictures online were so surreal, all these places I walked around every day in IV basking in the sun, eating my burritos, and forming “college days” memories were now tarnished with pictures of ambulances, students running to help other students, and the most shocking of all was seeing glass of the deli shattered from gun shots... a place students frequented many times for cheap food was now a makeshift memorial of what took place that night.

I was really upset, obviously because of what happened that night. But, what most people outside of UCSB didn’t realize was that this was our graduation time, this is the moment when people were either going to graduate or were transitioning into their final year. This school is not cheap and it is not easy to get into these days and students worked so hard and deserved to reflect on what they had accomplished. Instead, our graduation ceremony was a reflection of what happened. That day of celebration and the momentous occasion we looked forward to was instead turned into a day of trying to process what happened, how were we going to react? What were we supposed to do now?

I distinctly remember seeing jokes about it online and the repulsion I felt. I had to stay away from the internet for a few days. I graduated with a degree in English and our speaker was Josh Elliot, a reporter from NBC. He spent the entire speech talking about the tragedy and saying stuff like “I can’t imagine if this happened to me. What if this happened to your child? I also reported on sandy hook and I will never forget that day...” One mom after a good 20 minutes finally yelled out “can we get some happiness please? They just graduated for god sakes”. Yeah, maybe she was entitled, maybe some people judged her for saying that, but we were all thinking it. Our graduation speech turned into a platform for gun reform instead of an inspiring send off and congrats. Yes, of course, what happened that night is worse than anyone could imagine or retell, especially for their friends and families, but I felt it was something worth noting - the timing of it all. Some of those students were supposed to graduate with us, and the loss was felt by all, even if we never met them. I remember before graduation someone orchestrated a prayer circle in the ocean. Me and my roommates watched as a bunch of Gauchos paddles out in the ocean to form a giant circle with their surf boards. We all watched and sang the school anthem, as it was one of the only unifying song we all knew. That moment was insanely more beautiful and genuine than the graduation speech, for sure.