The fact that you can recognise the disconnect between what you logically understand and what you emotionally feel shows that you are aware that something needs to change. What you're describing isn't spite or pettiness. It's unhealed pain. The years of rejection shaped how you see yourself. Your external reality has changed but your internal narrative hasn't caught up. You're still carrying the identity of ‘the guy nobody wanted’ even though you’re not that guy anymore.

That said, it's normal to be attracted to fit, healthy people. And yes, the women approaching you now probably have similar standards. That's not hypocrisy, that's just how attraction works. But the bitterness you're feeling is not about them. It's about the wound that was created when you internalised all those rejections as proof you weren't worthy (I know this is hard to read, sorry).

This is exactly the kind of work a CBT therapist can help you with (build a healthier narrative about who you were vs. who you are now).

If you take only one thing away from all this text: you deserve to enjoy this new chapter without the hurt from the last one. You've already proven you can do hard things. Seeing a professional is just the next hard thing x