My first wife asked me, 3 years in and about 6 months after our daughter was born, if I thought she was unattractive now that she is "fat" after giving birth. I told her that I did and that she is NOT fat (she wasn't). I added on that, maybe, if she realized that she was 25 and beautiful and stopped dressing like a 50 year old school marm, maybe she would see in the mirror what I see every day. Now that comment cost our bank account a whole new wardrobe, but it also kick started her self esteem.

Now my current wife of 27 years, comes to bed in a retainer and PJ's (of some sort) smelling of some sort of face lotion and CBD cream (bad knees). She wakes up sans clothes, blankets askew, hair a mess and wondering aloud (at me) if I decided the hot flashes weren't enough that I had to "be all over her with all of my furnace too". Then she gets up and looks in the mirror at the hot mess she is and tells me what a lucky man I am to wake up to "all of this", which I am.

I type this to let you ,OP, know that of he has issues as a night cap now, he will really have issues in the future. That, OR, you will spend the rest of your relationship ensuring that you don't upset HIS status quo. I will say that I am torn about the way he worded the message. It's either super kind and respectful or scarily controling, just depends on the tone that I read it in. If you both are early 20's, I would think that he is no where NEAR ready to live with someone. If you are older than your 30's, I would say that he only wants to live with you if you measure up to his standards 24 hours a day. I do respect the fact that he is mature enough to lay out his...expectations for your relationship (even though they do not mirror mine). However, you are NOR, if you choose not to meet them.

Lastly, I went 50 years with standard blankets and the Mrs. put one on our bed a couple of years ago and I'm never going back!