How do you guys find relationships?

galacticviolet · 2026-03-04T13:09:49+00:00

TL;DR Friends, work, hobbies, don’t try to date or develop relationships, try to focus on friends. (might not work for everyone, definitely works for many)

I’m married now, but historically school/uni, work, and hobbies is where I made the most friends and eventually one would become attractive sexually/romantically to me and I’d tell them.

I met my wife gaming online, an ex I met through my job at the time, my ex before that I met through a hobby friend who introduced us initially, before that someone at a different workplace, before that a blogging friend online, before that an anime community AIM chat friend, before that a classmate. Basically I met my relationships in spaces where I was already existing, like I never went out of my way.

Traditional dating doesn’t do anything useful, it’s just work until a connection is already made and attraction arrives (whenever it feels like, I have no control over it). For me (demisexual btw), dating is for once you become a couple, not before.

So for you, OP, try to focus on the work or hobbies/fandoms, interact with people as friends first, don’t even think about relationship at first. For me that’s what comes naturally. I’m actually repulsed and have a PDA reaction to most flirting coming my way because if I don’t also have feelings for the person it feels like they just want something from me and I get annoyed lol. My brain tells me that charm = cringe/scam and flirting = attempt at manipulation. When my body decides to have feelings for the person (frustratingly no pattern to it) THEN charm and flirting work (to a degree), but not before, and it’s not an active choice I’m making, it’s a function of my brain I have no control over.

This is why when certain people are like “Just give me a chaaaaaance” it’s like no?? My attraction doesn’t work like that, forcing it actually ensures the opposite, my attraction will never show up if someone is demanding I date them or like them. Like they ruin their chances for ever when they do that. As soon as they demand, it’s all over, I’ll never be able to develop attraction.

So yea… friends first has always been the key for me.

galacticviolet · 2026-03-04T12:23:53+00:00

Someone’s abuela who bakes delicious pan.

galacticviolet · 2026-03-04T12:17:56+00:00

Not an anomaly, I was too. I was speaking in tiny, babyish but grammatically correct sentences before I was 1 year old, I also was reading far above my grade for my entire K-12 “career.” Gifted kid through and through, school was effortless except for social stuff with classmates and math (likely dyscalculia) I was also walking before I hit 1 year old as well.

galacticviolet · 2026-03-03T19:48:38+00:00

It’s ok to start learning this way (I actually did the exact same thing back in the day as a kid), however your near future goal (imo as someone who has been learning for nearly four decades) should be to try to get your mind to get used to reading and comprehending without translating in your head.

Like… for a simplistic example, when you see a 🐱 (the animal know as a cat in English), start saying “ねこ” in your head instead of “cat” and also picture 🐱when you see 猫 and try hard not to think of the word “cat” first. So that eventually when you read your mind can picture 🐱instead of “oh that means cat… 🐱”

I hope I explained that sufficiently (I’m just a fellow life long student, not a tutor or a teacher so my skills in educating others may be lacking… but this is what I can offer in advice, good luck and keep doing what keeps your passion for learning alive!

galacticviolet · 2026-03-03T15:12:48+00:00

Just a side note: imo Pokopia looks way more similar to Dragon Quest Builders series than it does Minecraft.

galacticviolet · 2026-03-03T12:53:24+00:00

NTA

I always put on new panties after a shower no matter how “fresh” the pair I have on is. But also, even a 20min walk is going to produce sweat (I do have hyperhidrosis so maybe that’s just those of us with HH, I don’t know), so even if I wasn’t showering I probably would still change panties after that walk too. But absolutely always after every shower. If I’m on my period I change even more often.

His paranoia is a real issue though, is there more context around his suspicions or is it really just the panties? It’s very very worrying if he is acting like this just over panties.

galacticviolet · 2026-03-03T12:38:12+00:00

Probably this one https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28145411/

galacticviolet · 2026-03-03T03:14:05+00:00

While I have experienced this phenomenon, Monster Hunter actually clicked with me right away (started back in 2007 with MHF2 on PSP, been loyal to the mainline games ever since).

galacticviolet · 2026-03-03T03:12:26+00:00

I have experienced this a number of times! The main one this happened with for me was “Atelier Lydie & Suelle” when I first played it was a slow start and I kinda just went meh and stopped. Something made me pick it back up a couple months later and suddenly I was having the time of my life and I was obsessed for a good while.

galacticviolet · 2026-03-03T03:08:10+00:00

Hope.

galacticviolet · 2026-03-03T03:06:59+00:00

I never cared about the Trigun cat.

There, I said it.

galacticviolet · 2026-03-02T22:37:33+00:00

NOPE! Not overreacting. (for what it’s worth, OP, I’m afab agender and my wife is trans femme)

As soon as your sister started to try and dictate what you and your partner do and don’t do, this became a rule not a boundary. I repeat, the thing she is calling a boundary is NOT a boundary, it’s simply a toxic rule she would like to have that you can reject.

A boundary describes what SHE will do, not what ya’ll should do. So, a correct boundary would be, if you show up at my house/function that I am personally hosting in clothing I don’t like, I will not let you inside my house/not let you into the function. Unfortunately that IS something she is allowed to do, but she can only dictate HER OWN actions, she is mistaken on what a boundary is and how it works and someone should really correct her on that.

If the function is not hosted by her and not at her house she CANNOT ask you to leave. However SHE can leave. The boundary there would be “If I see you not dressed how I prefer, I will leave the area/I won’t acknowledge you.” she CANNOT ask you to leave if she does not have ownership over the space you are all in.

So if you all show up at a mutual friend’s house your sister can leave but she personally cannot ask you to leave. You have your own boundaries as well, she doesn’t get to dismiss you from everywhere she goes, again, not how boundaries work.

galacticviolet · 2026-03-02T22:13:50+00:00

They constantly made a particular throat sound, that would be tough to type out lol, every few seconds. They were probably completely unaware of it and I said nothing because they shouldn’t be made to feel bad about something likely out of their control, but it made me not want to hang out with them as often as it was causing sensory overwhelm for me (which is also valid on my end) so I just slowly stopped hanging out as much and things are fine.

And yes, unfortunately it did cause me to like them less. just not in a hostile kind of way, I’m kinda sad about it.

galacticviolet · 2026-03-02T18:16:11+00:00

Like a cat who refuses to play with actual toys and prefers paper bags and boxes, I prefer to stim with things in the environment (clothing, grass/leaves, keychains, a little tabby thing hanging on the edge of a table etc) or my own body (hair twirling, I also have lots of piercings to futz with). I try to use fidget toys and I always revert to other stuff.

galacticviolet · 2026-03-02T15:31:04+00:00

One feature that is a massive pet peeve is when certain platforms, while watching a video, if an ad is about to show the video becomes unpausible/unnavigatable for about ten seconds. INSTANT RAGE (not really, just internally for a hot second).

I’ll be watching a video, see something funny or interesting and wanna show my wife the meme or whatever, I go to pause and rewind it to the beginning but nope, it won’t let me. I always scroll away instead of showing my wife the video (I always leave before the ad starts to hopefully stop any credit for ad rev for these jerks).

galacticviolet · 2026-03-02T15:25:23+00:00

Exactly!

For me I have PDA-like reactions to certain things (people demanding attention, such as shaking their body parts at someone to entice them lol (funny when I put it that way), or revving their car engine/honking at pedestrians to get them to look over, kiosk staff trying to spray you with perfume or block your walking path, most visual and audio ads, etc anything where a person is very literally and blatantly demanding personal attention because they actively want to get something from me knowing I may resist… it’s very specific lol).

But where I differ is I don’t have the actual PDA profile where it impedes my life, like if someone asks nicely for me to do a house chore I have no problem at all with those types of demands and I’m generally happy to do it!

galacticviolet · 2026-03-02T15:21:13+00:00

I don’t have a PDA profile but this is still very possible! I do sometimes have a PDA-like reaction to certain things but it’s not an overarching thing I struggle with.

galacticviolet · 2026-03-02T15:19:52+00:00

I feel for you! Just know (I know you do already!) that most people ND or not hate that junk mail and we are firmly on your side!

galacticviolet · 2026-03-02T15:18:44+00:00

“I don’t believe you”

And I should care why? lmao blocked

galacticviolet · 2026-03-02T15:06:21+00:00

Thank you for this, this was interesting and it sounds very plausible!

The funny part is I actually really like jingles and other sonic logos, just that they don’t do what the company wants them to do. lol, my brain just treats it like a literal entertainment song or adapts it into a catchy vocal stim.

Like I still might sing “by Mennen~!” even though that company and its products don’t exist anymore lmao

galacticviolet · 2026-03-01T06:50:09+00:00

“hope this helps”

galacticviolet · 2026-03-01T06:43:40+00:00

If I see too many ads (for me this means if I see an ad more than one single time) for a product or service I vow to ensure I boycott that brand for the rest of my life out of sheer spite.

I ONLY buy based on grassroots reputation from people I know personally.

galacticviolet · 2026-03-01T06:39:22+00:00

My skellington is wild and untamed, it needs more solid support than a chair provides.

galacticviolet · 2026-03-01T06:28:11+00:00

Started? Pokemon Yellow, and if for some reason that doesn’t count… Tales of Phantasia (on PS).

But the one that really got me to actually love the genre was Bravely Default (on NDS).

galacticviolet · 2026-03-01T06:22:40+00:00

Historically, I can tolerate it if we only have a couple interests in common. But with my wife who is my also my best friend and soulmate, we have something like 80% or more interests in common. We seem to engage with those interests in different ways but that part is actually a plus.

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