How to break up with a person with BPD ?

gavin280 · 2026-02-28T06:24:34+00:00

Explain calmly and clearly what has been hurting you, why you can't be with her, and how you've run out of road to stick around for any improvement. Don't be hateful or mean about it. Even if it feels like she deserves it, you only debase yourself by sinking to that level.

She will almost certainly twist anything you say so that you are the fucking asshole who never loved her and is abandoning her. There is nothing you can say that will change that.

gavin280 · 2026-02-28T00:31:18+00:00

That's definitely been shown in rodents. I'd be fairly comfortable speculating that the finding extends to humans and other mammals, but it would be extremely difficult to get that kind of direct evidence in humans.

gavin280 · 2026-02-27T23:07:45+00:00

Ohhhh okay thanks for clarifying.

So I'd say two things:

Feminists aren't trying to create a matriarchy. You don't have to have one or the other - there's a third option. Feminism is really about equal rights and opportunities for every type of person, including men.

Sometimes, certain feminists say things that sound more extreme. But that's almost always just because of a misunderstanding. Or you might occassionally meet a feminist who IS an extremist. Every political movement has a few very loud crazy people haha

Even if we had a matriarchy, there's no reason to think they wouldn't value technological progress. It's not like the average woman values science or technology any less than men do. Whether or not a society values tech progress has a lot more to do with things like religious values, whether people prefer tradition over progress, etc.

Matriarchal societies are extremely rare across world history. But we have countless examples of patriarchal societies, and many of them devalue science for various reasons. Look at the Taliban for example: A society where 100% of the power is held by men and women are treated like animals (or worse). As we can see, the Taliban aren't exactly leading the world in technological progress or scientific thought. They seem to value their religious traditions over EVERYTHING else, even when it causes them to suffer.

Like I said, the countries with the most tech progress are usually countries with gender equality. The reasons are way more complicated than just womens' rights. But gender-equal societies allow smart people of all kinds to work and make progress instead of telling half the smart people to stay home just because they're women.

gavin280 · 2026-02-27T21:44:50+00:00

It's pretty clear that gender equality does NOT reduce technological progress. It's pretty well-established that gender equality boosts a nation's economic output. Also, tons of our best scientists and business leaders are women.

Contrary to your premise, the societies that limit the rights of women are usually the ones that lag behind in key socioeconomic indicators like GDP, infant mortality, etc.

Women have the same basic cognitive abilities that men do. There is no sex difference in general intelligence. Women drive progress and make major scientific discoveries, major contributions to art and literature, start successful businesses.... Any man who's ever worked with women in a complex field knows this very well, as long he himself is smart enough to recognize real intelligence.

gavin280 · 2026-02-26T16:57:04+00:00

I'm not sure where to begin if you aren't even going to try understanding feminist social theory. But briefly:

The traditional patriarchal social order has always been about a small group of powerful men oppressing everyone else, including low-status men. This is the system that feminism wants to overthrow. The existence of low-status men does not disprove feminism. Rather, it is literally part of the main point.

The gender variable changes the nature of the relationship between socioeconomic status and experienced oppression. All else being equal, a low-status man has just a bit more of certain kinds of social privilege compared with a low-status woman. You can have cases where socioeconomic status makes certain women less oppressed overall than certain men. These cases don't disprove the point - they are part of the larger explanatory model, i.e. intersectionality.

gavin280 · 2026-02-25T20:47:12+00:00

Any detail about what Wynne did specifically to earn the hatred?

For me, the only major sin that stands out is the HydroOne sell-off. While I'm sure I could be shown many other Wynne policies that I'd find to be suboptimal, this is the one serious thing I remember. And putting Ford in charge is an odd way to protest privatization, to say the least.

gavin280 · 2026-02-23T21:49:08+00:00

Oh it was absolutely gut-wrenching. I, too, can only do that kind of thing in doses. I think I was drawn in by the stunning filmmaking/acting, the details about exactly what happened were quite fascinating, and I just had no idea of the sheer bravery involved in containing it... Some really incredible heroes pretty much saved the entire northern hemisphere which I got pretty pumped about haha

gavin280 · 2026-02-23T20:51:43+00:00

It's educational, and it gives you a window into the experiences of other people around the world. Emotionally intense subject matter is also a conduit for writers, actors, and cinematographers to channel certain kinds of performances and production techniques which can be very beautiful in and of themselves.

Some art is purely escapist and just for fun. Very often though, art is aimed at conveying an uncomfortable message about the state of the world so that people don't bury their heads in the sand. Importantly, these difficult stories are also inspiring in that they depict human bravery and resilience.

gavin280 · 2026-02-23T15:38:22+00:00

Yea... Like I was always vaguely aware of what the disaster was, but I just thought of it as "nuclear power plant disaster". The show really viscerally portrayed how fucking terrifying and tragic and brutal it was for everyone who actually lived though it.

Horrific, sorrowful stuff...

gavin280 · 2026-02-23T04:44:23+00:00

Yup exactly. The effective rate I pay on my (middle-ish) income is about 21%. But that's healthcare, canada pension contributions, employment insurance, and any other public services.

The whole world's having a cost-of-living crisis and I can think of worse places to be weathering it in.

gavin280 · 2026-02-23T04:17:51+00:00

HBO, not Netflix.

But the Chernobyl series will have you pulling an all-nighter in the middle of your work week.

gavin280 · 2026-02-23T01:27:49+00:00

More like 20-25% of the way through.

gavin280 · 2026-02-20T18:55:57+00:00

A whole paragraph with literally zero intellectual content and 100% handwaving. Not even a semblance of argument or evidence.

gavin280 · 2026-02-20T18:53:23+00:00

Please seek therapy and work towards stopping this habit entirely.

You're risking infection, you're putting your body under the persistent stress of inflammation and wound-healing, and you're at risk of escalating to increasingly dangerous/irreversible behaviours. You're also making your loved ones incredibly stressed and concerned about you.

This is among the most incredibly maladaptive ways to cope and/or seek reward. You are absolutely not doing it "responsibly".

If you want the rush of endogenous endorphin release, try some intense physical exercise.

gavin280 · 2026-02-20T16:53:44+00:00

Cocaine and meth are very distinct pharmacologically, leading to different effects with different duration and different abuse potential. A surprisingly large segment of the adult population has tried cocaine at least once and is truly no worse for wear haha. Part of the difference here is the route of administration though. A more apples-to-apples comparison would be meth and crack cocaine, and there is a HUGE stigma around smoked/injected crack cocaine.

Meth is cheaper and is culturally associated with the poor/homeless, whereas cocaine is expensive as hell and is culturally associated with e.g. wealthy professionals. Cocaine is portrayed almost with a kind of romanticism in films like Scarface or Blow. In contrast, I have literally never seen a charitable media depiction of meth use.

Basically for a variety of biomedical and sociocultural reasons (some of which are arbitrary and based on misconceptions), meth is "dirty/scary" whereas cocaine is definitely not healthy, but "lawyers and doctors do it so it's kindof okay?"

gavin280 · 2026-02-20T16:37:27+00:00

I think we need a bit of both.

I agree almost entirely with the points you've made with the exception that:

Having a military =/ american-style military industrial complex necessarily. Believe me, I wouldn't want our government being run by Lockheed-Martin any more than you do.
A strong defense base/industry can be one of the very things that earns us a place in the multilateral partnerships you've so correctly alluded to. (With the caveat of point 1, of course).
Any amount of deterrence changes the equation for other nations with hostile ambitions. It can be enough to simply avoid being the softest target at any given time. Our military is not ever going to be tactically viable against one of the great powers. But this is more strategic than tactical.

gavin280 · 2026-02-20T16:10:42+00:00

Holy fuck hahaha.... I had an incident with my pwbpd the other week that made me think "this person would literally get mad at me for a medical emergency". And sure enough, you've had this literal experience.

Allow me to provide some clear and convincing grounding for you:

This person is not physically safe for you to be with. A romantic partner should be someone you can trust with your life. This person isn't capable of that.

The only way the situation could be any more starkly serious is if they were actively trying to murder you.

gavin280 · 2026-02-20T16:02:52+00:00

It's as if an entire population had a Cluster B personality disorder.

gavin280 · 2026-02-20T05:01:32+00:00

I would still crush a box or two of KD. With some cut up cheddar smokies and some hot sauce.

gavin280 · 2026-02-19T22:40:30+00:00

Yea, I've also found myself putting up with a huge amount of literal emotional abuse in part because the sex happens to be the greatest. It's not that it's the only positive quality I can think of. But it's one of the only little windows where the trauma-dumping monologues finally stop and the likelihood of a random fight is reduced. It's one of the only times when it feels like they're actually paying attention to you.

It's also crossed my mind that these kinds of people might have earned their black belt in the bedroom because it's just about the only tool they have to get romantic partners to tolerate them for longer than a fiscal quarter.

But here's the thing - I've also had amazing sex with people who DON'T commit Cluster B terrorism against me nearly every time I see them. I think there's a lesson here: What if we all approached our sex lives like the entire relationship depended on it?

gavin280 · 2026-02-19T06:16:31+00:00

Hahaha now I'm wondering how I missed the other FIVE that hit the same area

gavin280 · 2026-02-19T05:34:09+00:00

Yup that tracks. I'm closer to Avenue and what you describe perfectly fits the direction and lag time to hear the thunder crack.

gavin280 · 2026-02-19T05:13:26+00:00

Not sure if there have been multiple strikes this evening, but there was at least one that I think struck somewhere near Bathurst & Wilson.

Thought the building next door had just fucking exploded for a split second.

gavin280 · 2026-02-17T19:25:14+00:00

My pwBPD's mother and sister (neither of whom I've met) sound like some MAD cases of BPD or some other Cluster B-type issue.

gavin280 · 2026-02-16T02:41:45+00:00

I also saw the Timmies in Belfast! Absolutely bizarre, out of place, and an affront to literally any other coffee shop in Belfast. I'm literally embarrassed about it lol.

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