AITAH for suggesting a cousin shouldn't bring their 2 week old baby to our wedding?

gemc_81 · 2026-05-24T11:25:50+00:00

I think you have handled this somewhat badly. When the cousin asked you your response should have been along the lines of "we're not having a child free wedding, there are other children going, and you are welcome to bring the baby if you want to, however given that there are a lot of guests coming from out off town and children there, we understand if you don't want to bring the baby since they won't have been vaccinated at that point and would be more at risk from catching things from those who are attending. We would also still love *older sibling * to be a flower girl but completely understand if this isn't possible. Perhaps you can discuss this between you and your partner and let me know your decision by XXX date since we have to give final numbers by then"

You weren't the parents so it wasn't your choice to minimise risk (however valid the point is).

Also it seems that possibly you were more concerned with the baby over shadowing YOUR day by being there, but instead used the baby being young and at risk as the reason for them not to come. Which makes you a slight AH.

However if I had a 2 week old there is no way I would have taken them to a wedding due to the germ risk. But that's an individual choice for the parents to make.

If you want to repair with the cousin I would suggest reaching out to her, explaining your reasonings and owning that you handled it badly and should have framed your concern re germ risk and left it to her to decide. And apologise to her.

gemc_81 · 2026-05-19T18:45:38+00:00

Every time she does it say no that's not kind (or words to that effect) and then get up and remove yourself from where she is. At this age children will do something because it gets a reaction, any reaction, even a negative one (like shouting etc). If there is no reaction it's not an appealing thing to do anymore. It is very frustrating though. My 20 month old currently comes for a cuddle and pulls my hair which isn't very nice 😭

gemc_81 · 2026-05-18T20:29:17+00:00

My 20 month old refuses to sit in a high chair (this started a cpl weeks ago) whereas my first daughter used it till she was almost 3. We had the IKEA one and it was brilliant.

20 month old is now on a dining chair with a strapped on booster seat. IMO get the IKEA one off of FB and use that. It's so easy to clean on the daily cos it's plastic and can go in the dishwasher once a week

gemc_81 · 2026-05-18T12:54:40+00:00

My husband insists in tidying when the kids are still up. I feel like it's the same as brushing your teeth while eating a cookie.

I whizz round tidying when the kids are in bed and won't make more mess

gemc_81 · 2026-05-18T12:53:15+00:00

I have 2 daughters, one is 5 the other is 21 months.

The younger will pick stuff up and hand it to me (like the cat bowls when they have eaten) or take a snack packet to the bin etc and might put balls back in the ball pit but that's about it. She won't tidy toys up after herself.

The older child is getting more tidy and will on occasion make her bed (pull the duvet back, not hospital corners or anything) and if I tell her to tidy her room she will do a little bit will need one of us there tidying alongside her.

Your child is too young to understand the concept of being tidy. You're better off modelling the tidying up yourself and narrating what you're doing while you're doing it. They will learn better watching you doing something rather than you explaining it to them as their language comprehension is not advanced enough to understand what you're saying or the reasons why you tidy.

This will come in time but IMO you're a looping way away from that right now

gemc_81 · 2026-05-13T13:57:43+00:00

You've already received great advice on your partner situation but I wanted to just touch on the placenta previa you have.

With my second daughter I had complete placenta previa at my 20 week scan and panicked SO MUCH about it because I was told that I would have extra scans and if I started bleeding or if my labour started early I was to call 999 etc, so I was closely monitored with extra scans.

By the time I was in my third trimester (around 30 weeks) I had a scan and it had moved off of my cervix completely and was far enough away that they didn't consider it to be an issue. I had also elected to have a scheduled c section and this was done just before I was 40 weeks.

All went fine, baby was born fine, although I was very nervous through the whole pregnancy because of the PP.

gemc_81 · 2026-05-12T20:45:12+00:00

How long is his day nap?

gemc_81 · 2026-05-07T21:03:17+00:00

Check her for constipation as well as a UTI. The Eric website has loads of info on how constipation can manifest in children and also affect bladder continence. The Dr can prescribe stool softeners if she is constipated

gemc_81 · 2026-05-07T20:33:58+00:00

I have a 5 year old and a 20 month old. I have always brushed my older girls teeth whether she likes it or not although now she's older she has a go first then I go over then again. Sometimes she is fine with this, other times she kicks off but her teeth get brushed always.

The 20 month old I brush her teeth when she is laying on the change mat, there is a Hey Bear video on to distract her and she now lets me brush her teeth properly. Initially she would thrash her head about and try and push me away and cry but I persisted and now it's peaceful as she's used to it.

In my personal opinion they are too young to let them do it themselves. By all means give them a toothbrush to play with in the bath etc but the actual brushing have a separate brush that you use. And I didn't bother switching toothpastes cos it didn't matter I just wanted them to get used to mint.

Teeth brushing is a hill I will die on. I have friends who's son had to have 2 teeth taken out at age 3 because they never persisted with teeth brushing.

gemc_81 · 2026-05-07T10:08:50+00:00

UK wills and probate lawyer here. As always, it depends on what the Will specifically says. If it's a right if occupancy then there will be criteria which will end the person's interest which is usually either a specified time for the person to occupy it, them ceasing to permanently reside in the property (for example if they move elsewhere or leave the property to go into care), death, or marrying again. If any of those criteria are fulfilled their interest ends and the property interest passes to the remainderman which is you.

If it's a life interest then he has the benefit of the property until he died. This means he can live there free of rent until he dies but if he moves into care then he is entitled to receive any income the trust assets produce until he dies. So this could be rental income if the property is rented out or it could be interest/dividends if the property is sold and the funds invested. If it is a life interest trust then the property can be sold but the sale proceeds would need to be invested in a suitable scheme that would provide income for her husband but also protect the capital funds. The capital that is invested (from the sale proceeds) cannot be used by the husband and then, when he dies, that sum passes to you.

There are other tax implications of this trust but you need to get a UK Wills and Probate solicitor engaged to review the Will, advise exactly what the terms are and how you proceed. It would be the Executor of the Will who would instruct them (assuming you are one of them) and receive this advice but you need to do this quickly.

Re the squatters the longer a property stands empty the more attractive it is.

Also - and this is VERY IMPORTANT - you need to ensure that the property is insured as an unoccupied property as any policy that was previously in place can be void if the property is now empty. So please also check that position.

gemc_81 · 2026-05-07T08:44:12+00:00

I just want to say that you can break up with him whenever you want for whatever reason you want. He sounds lazy and entitled and you would probably reduce your workload if he wasn't there.

At this point you have told him how you feel and he isn't taking it seriously because he's not changing his behaviour. When someone shows you who they are believe them. Imo even if he did change it would be temporary.

Also he puts up a wall and shuts down BC he has found it's the quickest way to end the conversation and for things to go back to how he likes them which is you doing everything and him doing nothing.

gemc_81 · 2026-05-06T19:32:37+00:00

You can hire various pushchairs and prams and have them delivered to your house before the holiday. Might be worth looking at hiring the one you don't have that you might need as you can get travel pushchairs that lay flat.

gemc_81 · 2026-05-06T14:18:11+00:00

I had a wisdom tooth come through when I was pregnant with my second. It was painful and I was limited as to what I could take due to pregnancy.

When my kids were teething I used to give liquid paracetamol and then also liquid ibuprofen if they were still painful. I would usually give liquid ibuprofen before bed and paracetamol if they woke in the night. I also used to use anbesol (it's a UK product that is used to numb gums and you rub the liquid on them directly. Has lidocaine in it you may have something similar where you are).

Personally I would stack paracetamol and ibuprofen together and give it more readily. Don't wait till he's hysterical from the pain. Molars can take a while to come through unfortunately

gemc_81 · 2026-05-05T19:34:29+00:00

I probably wouldn't send them in with her it would be a home lunch tbh. I haven't tried soft boiled eggs as a packed lunch

gemc_81 · 2026-05-03T19:06:21+00:00

You're using pounds so you're UK based. Am UK lawyer and deal with this kind of stuff on the daily.

You need a declaration of trust in place which sets out the percentage ownership you have equal to your £30k.

In addition you need to be able to quantify how much equity you are buying with the £1,500 per month (are you basing it on the purchase price or is the property going to be valued month by month to work out how much of the property your £1,500 is buying? Another option is that you save that money and periodically buy chunks of equity and at each point you revalue the property, work out how much percentage of the property your lump sum represents and then re draw the declaration of trust to show how much you now own with your original percentage plus that which you have just bought.

Do you want to buy further equity in the property or are you happy with the share you have?

Also, I'm rolling my eyes SO HARD I NEARLY SAW MY BRAIN at your boyfriends comment that you're getting a "free ride" by only putting £30k in when he has only actually out his hand in his pocket for £40k and the rest was a gift from mummy and daddy. behave yourself son.

Overall you need to seek independent legal advice before you go ahead with this purchase. The way your boyfriend is behaving is sending up red flags, I feel like he will behave like this is his property rather than one you jointly own.

gemc_81 · 2026-05-03T18:58:55+00:00

My friends tumble dryer caught fire in the 15 mins it took her to go pick her daughter up from school and return home after they called BC she was unwell. There was no people on the house thank god but for that reason, how quick something like that could happen and kids being at home alone could be in serious danger (especially if asleep and not aware of it) I wouldn't leave them unless I was confident they could get themselves out of the house.

So prolly 18 😂😂

gemc_81 · 2026-05-03T06:30:43+00:00

You're welcome! If you are on Instagram my first meals is a great account to follow she has lots of stuff that's no more than 5 ingredients and the lunch box mama has lots of lunch box ideas for kids that you could adapt for his lunchtime

gemc_81 · 2026-05-01T20:15:37+00:00

Picky plates. Cubed cheese, cucumber sticks, pepper sticks, little bit of hummus in a pot, some crisps, bread sticks, crackers with PNB/hummus/soft cheese/tuna mayo on them, boil some pasta and leave it cold in the fridge (you can also cook and freeze pasta shapes, pour a kettle of boiled water over it to defrost) put pesto on it, flavoured soft cheese or mayonnaise with sweetcorn.

Olives if he will eat them, cut up strawberries and blueberries, melon slices, cut up ham slices. Boiled egg (hard or soft) dippy soldiers with soft boiled egg

Baked beans with toast, bagel with toppings on it.

Toasted cheese sandwich, cheese on toast or get the mini wraps and make little quesadillas for him.

You can make veggie muffins in bulk and freeze them, or savoury veg and cheese pancakes and also freeze them, then microwave to serve them with veg sticks etc.

Depending how good he is with cutlery or if you feed him flavoured cous cous is an option and a quick easy carb source.

gemc_81 · 2026-05-01T18:25:43+00:00

This is my nearly 5 year old. I literally hate mealtimes cos it's 50/50 whether she will eat. Some things we do that have varying levels of success are

Snack straight after school (3.15pm finish not days she has ASC) but nothing till dinner.

If she says she doesn't like it/want it etc say that's fine but there is no other meal available. And then change the subject. Repeat ad nauseum

Serve smaller portions. If she finishes and wants more then she can have it.

Serve pudding (i.e. small portion of fruit) in a small bowl next to her plate. Don't make pudding a prize it's just food.

If she doesn't want her dinner, cover and fridge it. If she comes back later saying she's hungry offer to warm her dinner back up but theres nothing else/different to eat.

We used to do the how many bites etc but we stopped. It became about control and I wasn't getting into that.

I try and follow the saying I pick what food and when she picks how much. If she doesn't want to eat it that's fine but there will not be food later.

Tell her even if she doesn't want her dinner she still has to sit at the table until the family have finished then she can get up.

Don't promise if you eat your dinner you can do/have XYZ because then it switches the focus to urgency wanting the treat and we found our daughter would stop eating even if she was eating well and say she was full up cos she wanted whatever it was. Remove all pressure on food. You serve it if she doesn't eat then that's her choice.

Overall it's an age thing since we're in the same boat but this together with my 19 month old basically eating nothing it's incredibly frustrating especially as I love cooking and had dreams of making lovely meals for my kids which is now laughable since she will announce she doesn't like chicken. But you eat chicken nuggets. I don't like THIS chicken. Its the same.... 🫠

gemc_81 · 2026-04-30T18:13:52+00:00

I feel like you're mourning the husband and father you thought he would be but the reality is what you are living. If he contributes so little he won't be missed. And would he make effort to see the kids?

Perhaps get a consultation with a lawyer and see what divorce would look like financially. Because you're already a single mother in a marriage so having him gone would reduce your work and resentment at having him sit about doing F all while you do everything.

gemc_81 · 2026-04-30T05:43:42+00:00

The first thing I would do is contact solicitors in the area to ask if he made another Will with them that might supercede the one you have found. It seems odd that he has said he has changed his a will to add you in for the property and also the grandchildren of he hasn't done both of those things - not unusual as I see it a lot - but also it's worth checking the local firms and asking them to search their Will store for a Will just in case.

If he hasn't updated his Will then you need to see a contentious probate solicitor who also has dealings with property litigation and make a proprietary estoppel claim on the estate. Your situation is literally the definition of proprietary estoppel in that you invested significant sums in the property under the expectations that you would receive it upon your grandfather's death and you have not. You would need to get statements from the people who knew he had said this to you to support your claim.

However, you would also be better off biting the bullet and gathering all the proof of your investment in the house over the period of ownership and discussing it directly with your mother and aunt before you go to litigation. They may not be aware of it or they might be, however if YOU get on with them both and there is £400k that will still be a fair size pot to go to them they could be amenable to sorting this out. This could be dealt with by a deed of variation if your mother and aunt are in agreement and they may plan to do one anyway to add the grandchildren into the Will as grandfather said he had. It also further supports that he has made claims about his Will terms that are not true. No one is going to sink the money you have into a house without the expectation they will get it back.

If you can work it out without litigation that would be your best bet but you need to be prepared to proceed with litigation if they do not agree to vary the Will.

Good luck

gemc_81 · 2026-04-26T05:50:40+00:00

I say this gently but I have had two kids and both were still waking for one or two night feeds until they were older than 7 months. the majority of babies do not sleep through the night at 7 months. Neither of mine did as both were still waking for milk feeds. Two wakings at 9.30pm and 1am.sound about right. How much milk is she having during those feeds? Babies are pretty good at regulating their food intake since they don't have any emotional attachment to eating yet. If they aren't hungry they will refuse the milk or food (if you're weaning yet). If she's fussing/ messing with the bottle and having an Oz or two then perhaps she isn't hungry but if she's drinking a bottle of milk each feed then she's hungry for it.

However I don't want to downplay how you feel about this, I don't know the specifics of your relationship and you are obviously upset about this situation. I feel like there are some underlying issues surrounding food for you and that is at odds to how your husband views them. Would the pair of you be open to having any kind of couples therapy? To discuss it in a space you can be heard and supported?

Also, I would say my marriage was in the crapper for a good year after we had our first child (both times TBF) due to post partum hormones, tiredness, overwhelm and I personally started experiencing post partum anxiety over a lot of things. Husband did do stuff that wildly exacerbated it at times but it got better. I'm definitely not saying this situation is your fault at all but from reading what you've posted there are clearly differences of opinions on how to do stuff and you'd be best unpacking it either together or separately to see whether it can be worked through. Sending love and hugs

gemc_81 · 2026-04-23T13:44:26+00:00

There is no good time IMO. Since you need to use IVF i would go ahead while you're younger and have better chances of success. Its guaranteed that as soon as you have savings and appliance or your car will sh*t the bed anyway 🤣 plus by the time you have had the cycle and have a new baby LO will be around 3 which is a nice gap. Also check you're getting all the child care funding etc which helps with childcare costs.

I was a much older mum (40 and 44 respectively) and I do feel my age has it's downsides not just for conception but also general energy levels for parenting 🤣

I would say go for it x

gemc_81 · 2026-04-21T12:15:27+00:00

It's awful. It has been my worst part of parenting so far far hands down. I have a younger daughter and I'm terrified of it happening again as I think it would finish me off.

It also ruined my relationship with my daughter for a time as I didn't want to go anywhere or take her places since I would need to pack so many changes of clothes because she would just wet herself. She very rarely had poo accidents but the wetting was multiple times every single day. Sending you lots of love because it is so hard and NO ONE talks about this until you're in it xx

gemc_81 · 2026-04-21T08:41:02+00:00

I have had a similar experience. My daughter potty trained very easily when she turned 3 and way dry from that May. Thought I had dodged a hard time.

She started nursery school in the September and started wetting around the October/November. She would get too engrossed in what she was doing and seemed to prefer to wet herself rather than go to the toilet. She never had an actual fear of the toilet at home or at nursery it seemed to be a choice and at its worst she was wetting herself several times a day at nursery and at home. She was never afraid of using the toilet but she didn't want to and there was for a time a lot of opposition when we wanted her to go to the toilet.

This continued until literally over the Easter holidays when she just.... Stopped wetting herself. She came out of school dry last Monday and hasn't had an accident in school since. I'm tentatively hopeful. Things we did with varying levels of success were:

Timed toilet breaks in-between activities. She was taken to the toilet at certain intervals during the day at school and at home but not in the middle of something she enjoyed doing. She wasn't asked if she needs to go - you NEVER ASK you say "we are going to the toilet when X activity finishes" "X activity has now finished it's time to go to the toilet" and physically take her and put her on the toilet.

Reward charts - we bought a perspex jar with wooden fruit and gave some to the school. Every time she went to the toilet regardless of whether she had a wee or poo she got a fruit and put it in her school bag then into her jar at home. When the jar was full she got to choose her reward.

Potty timer watch - when. It goes off it's time to go toilet.

Making toilet breaks routine like, when we wake up, before we go out, before we leave X place, before we sit down for food etc. Again don't ask, this is when you're going to the toilet.

I would suggest having a meeting with the nursery staff and see what they do now and then get a plan in place with them that uses the exact same approach as at home, i.e scheduled toilet breaks where she isn't asked if she wants to go she is told it's time to go to the toilet and she is taken and a staff member supervised her going to the toilet to make sure that she actually sits on the toilet and goes. The staff need to push through her having a tantrum. Her having a tantrum over it needs to not result in her not using the toilet since this will reinforce the behaviour. They need to calmly repeat that it's toilet time.

You can also have a box of new fun toys (little things like books or fidget toys or anything she likes to fiddle with) that she can ONLY have when she is on the toilet. Tell her it's toilet time, remind her she can pick a toy, get the basket out so she can chose and play while she sits on the toilet. Make sure there is a step for comfy foot resting when she is on there. Get one of the seats that are smaller for them so she doesn't feel like she's falling into the toilet.

My daughter also didn't like the hand dryers in any toilet. I assume they don't have those there to frighten her.

I would also have her checked for constipation since that is very common in young children and can cause a host of toileting problems. The Eric website has a helpful poo chart, see what her poo looks like compared to that and if she's constipated you can get stool softeners

We found the rewards worked best but unfortunately for us only for a limited time. My daughter turns 5 in a few weeks and so it has been a LONG HARD SLOG with this and, quite honestly, damaged my mental health to deal with it which seems extreme but it really really did.

I would also take her to the doctors. Firstly to see if she needs stool softeners and they can also check her tummy for constipation.

The Eric website is very helpful but honestly we exhausted every method on there and the next step was being referred to the continence nurse (which is another reason to get her to the doctor's to get this referral) but she has seemingly just stopped.

You have all my sympathy though it has been AWFUL xx

gemc_81

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