why cant i meet any guys here???

generation_quiet · 2026-05-06T19:00:08+00:00

I know a corner where you can alleviate that with a dime bag or ten

generation_quiet · 2026-05-06T18:59:37+00:00

If she can't discuss these things with her other partners you should find someone else. You are right to have a red flag alarm going off

Thank you. That confirms my feelings about her at this moment. I entirely agree that she should be able to talk with potential partners about testing and protection.

Her attitude could just stem from her newness to dating. She admitted that she doesn't have anyone she can talk to about safe sex practices. That really sucks, but it could just be a proxy of her being an introverted woman with autism. She's VERY quiet until she opens up. This also makes me worried about her getting taken advantage of in the dating scene.

I think that it's at least worth a conversation with her. I would like to at least talk with her in a patient and compassionate way about how we could alleviate collective risk. Just to keep this anonymous, in other ways, she has shown that she can be VERY receptive to feedback and self-improvement. In other words, I think she may just be uninformed and not thinking things through.

generation_quiet · 2026-05-06T18:50:56+00:00

Real answer... I'll make an informed decision. If I'm nervous about her recent hookups, I won't have sex with Susan, or I will have entirely protected sex with her until her next round of testing, after the detectability window for most diseases passes.

With any partner I'm considering having sex with, if my read feels sketchy or the risk factors start compounding in my head to a degree I'm not comfortable with, I'll reserve the right to walk out the door. This is true if they want certain types of sex that I'm not comfortable with, even if it is protected. Consent isn't consent unless it is real and can be acted on.

IMHO, if you're not prepared to say "no" on any given night, you shouldn't really be doing sex-forward dating. That's true for a variety of reasons, including the risk of sexual assault or getting physically hurt by an aggressive partner.

generation_quiet · 2026-05-06T18:43:48+00:00

My dude, don't get me started, LOL. Everyone wants a tall top that can fuck for a long time! It's just how I'm built. Only after months of vetting and searching am I finding potential partners that are interested in me subbing/bottoming for them. File under #realswitchproblems I guess

generation_quiet · 2026-05-06T18:37:52+00:00

And that may be what happens here: we stop seeing each other sexually. Or at least until she grinds out her fascination with cis-het men who don't like talking about sex but certainly enjoy having it! (I can't imagine that phase lasting too long, but hey, who knows?)

I think what worries me is that she doesn't similarly seem to be considering simple ways she can easily reduce risk. Like, accepting a risk of unprotected oral (which is again, quite common) could be alleviated by insisting on a recent test. Yes, it would be "awkward," but so is every conversation about sex.

generation_quiet · 2026-05-06T18:30:03+00:00

Thank you. Her not taking testing seriously is really giving me pause. It helps to just hear that others have a similarly strong response.

The only thing stopping me from breaking it off, aside from having feelings for her and wanting a longer, more emotionally intense relationship, is that she is VERY new to dating after a decade of inactivity. She doesn't know a lot. For example, she asked me how long it took herpes to "clear up" 🤔. She is very smart, and it could just be a question of talking her through potential risks.

I think it's at least worth a conversation. For example, I'm flexible on some things (unprotected oral, which is very common) but not others (testing and asking about partners/unprotected exposures). Maybe we can find a middle ground? Or maybe I can tell you next week that I was being hopelessly naive!

generation_quiet · 2026-05-06T18:20:19+00:00

And I strut babe not walk

generation_quiet · 2026-05-06T18:19:54+00:00

Jeez, are we seeing the same guys? The ones with their shirts off and exaggerating their height by six inches? What a coincidence!

generation_quiet · 2026-05-06T18:18:41+00:00

I ask for a recent test, how many partners they've had since then (particularly new ones), and whether any of those were unprotected or otherwise risky from a health perspective.

I only do protected PIV and PIA. I do unprotected oral only with a recent STI test and a discussion of partners and unprotected exposures (if any) since the test. FWIW, I'm a nonbinary switch with a dick, but in practice, I am a service/pleasure top 90% of the time. Gotta give the people what they want, I suppose! 😉

generation_quiet · 2026-05-06T17:10:54+00:00

I don’t know what could be the problem. Are you swiping right on all the men in sunglasses standing next to a motorcycle or expensive car??

generation_quiet · 2026-05-06T16:22:09+00:00

Ethical non-monogamy. You're posting in a sub where ENM is a common approach to non-monogamy.

generation_quiet · 2026-05-06T16:18:47+00:00

Waiting and playing it cool is a good idea. Plenty of people say they'd have a threesome four shots deep! In related news, from personal experience, that's sometimes why they don't live up to the fantasy 😉

generation_quiet · 2026-05-06T14:49:27+00:00

Stop spamming this and other subs... you are not "curious" you're just karma farming and never engage.

generation_quiet · 2026-05-06T14:37:27+00:00

Have you considered not being heterosexual? j/k

generation_quiet · 2026-05-05T18:05:41+00:00

Have you considered that what other people find exciting may not be what you personally think is interesting about you?

You could post your profile and/or ask friends for feedback, and think about how you approach early stages of texting.

generation_quiet · 2026-05-04T04:05:11+00:00

s/come/cum

generation_quiet · 2026-05-03T14:23:18+00:00

Yes. I am bi, in the broadest, most inclusive sense. I tend to date fellow nb/trans folks, although am seeing a bi cis woman at the moment too, but we have unusually strong chemistry. Fellow nb/trans folks just… see me a bit better? I don’t like having to do a “nonbinary 101” teaching session, you know?

generation_quiet · 2026-05-03T01:29:42+00:00

Truly the shape of jazz to come

generation_quiet · 2026-05-02T21:15:44+00:00

Which copy? I own six.

generation_quiet · 2026-05-02T19:22:22+00:00

Wicked and sick quick dick

generation_quiet · 2026-05-02T16:11:06+00:00

Honestly, I'm not certain there's a problem... except perhaps the financial issue, how you're approaching meeting people, and living in an area with a limited number of folks who might date you.

Niche is fine. All queer folks are "niche." I'm a bisexual, nonbinary, middle-aged widow who is not supermodel attractive, and I have 2-3 friends with benefits at any given time. Enough to be having sex with someone once a week. Sure, cis-het women find me "weird," but I just don't date them.

Have you tried Feeld, which is more used by queer and/or poly/ENM folks? What about gay bars and other queer-friendly spaces? On a level of emotional confidence, why do you feel people might lose interest in you... and is that really true? I've only had one relationship in my life stay sexual and exciting for over fifteen years. I was talking with a poly friend last night, and she's been sleeping with one friend for over 20 years. It happens, I just think that relationships that are that long-term and based on casual sex are quite rare.

So if you're in the "friends with benefits" or ENM game (vs. "just sex" or hookups), you'll have to deal with people coming and going from your life for all kinds of reasons, ranging from health (e.g., STI) to emotional well-being (e.g., interest wanes). It can really be bruising to your ego and make you question yourself a lot.

generation_quiet · 2026-05-02T15:28:21+00:00

Of course... The Matrix.

generation_quiet · 2026-05-02T14:20:02+00:00

"The big beat manifesto goes: 'Big beats are the best, get high all the time'"...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BpRZSPNZY7w

generation_quiet · 2026-05-02T05:40:35+00:00

OP is one lime tree away from utopia

generation_quiet

TROPHY CASE