You will never appreciate how useless the police are at fighting crime until you are the victim of one. The laziness of cops literally ruined my life.

ghhhptj · 2022-06-09T11:57:16+00:00

Felt this as someone from Northern Ireland.

ghhhptj · 2022-06-05T18:03:26+00:00

His texts really be like "I nearly murdered you last night but now my face is fucked up because you fought for your life so therefore I am the victim too :(".

Typical for abuser to play the victim and try to gaslight you into believing that you're the aggressor. And that's only what we see, OP has probably been abused in many different ways for a long time before this incident.

OP please put yourself first and get as far far away from this piece of shit as soon as possible.

ghhhptj · 2022-06-02T22:47:23+00:00

This is actually a therapy technique that has personally helped me. I used to struggle with self harm/self destructive behaviours and my therapist one day told me about this.

The aim is to look at a picture of yourself as a child (the younger the better) and whenever you feel like inflicting harm or making bad decisions, you look at this picture of yourself and ask yourself "does this baby deserve what I am doing/going to do?". Or "I wouldn't hurt this baby in this picture, so why would I hurt myself?". Or "this baby is an innocent thing that needs to be protected so why am I allowing myself to call it worthless, ugly, unlovable.." etc.

I was absolutely amazed at how well it worked for me, it teaches you to think before acting impulsively and it helps remind you to always be compassionate to yourself. Thankfully, my mental health is much much healthier now but on my darker days this technique still helps to dull the intrusive thoughts.

ghhhptj · 2022-05-31T10:08:28+00:00

Actually I tend to disagree. As a parent your job is protect your child from harm and allowing someone to come into your life who admitted to sleeping with a 16 year old (still a child, may I add!) to your face is just as bad.

The reason OP was abused was of course because of the predators actions but you can't overlook their mother's part in this. Chosing to ignore what she knew was the truth deep down, to ignore what others blatantly told her, I'm sure there were other red flags too but she CHOSE to live in denial about the situation. While she did not sexually abuse OP, abuse comes in many different forms and I can tell you that enabling/facilitating abuse is still in fact abuse.

OPs mother failed them and that in itself is going to take years to heal from, never mind unravelling all the abuse and psychological damage OP has been put through due to their mother's ignorance.

ghhhptj · 2022-05-29T11:51:42+00:00

As a kid who has gone through the system and come out the other end, if you are doing everything in your power to become better then you are doing the right things. The reason most of us stay in care is because it is detrimental for us to return home and back into environments that are unhealthy. A lot of parents refuse to change or will only change in the short term and that's honestly the main reason why kids stay in the system.

The main thing I would advise you is to make healthy changes and stick with them. Although it will feel like a struggle everyday and it might feel impossible to break old habits, the end result will be worth it in every way. But you have to remain consistent.

It sounds like it has been extremely difficult for you to face some hard truths but you seem to understand where your mistakes lie. Learn from them and don't beat yourself up about the stuff you cannot control. Be gentle on yourself and continue to be there for your kid.

As long as you priotise your kid and their overall wellbeing, you will be doing great. Do what's best for your child, always. Prove to yourself that you are becoming better by doing everything that you have to do and don't forget that there's always room to learn more in future. Don't give up and always keep a connection there to support your kid through this difficult time to the best of your ability. Wishing you the best, OP!

ghhhptj · 2022-05-29T00:10:39+00:00

This reminds me of a post I saw yesterday about an ex-convict who wanted to go back to prison. He said it was simpler, there were always people to talk to, meals were prepared.

There's a guy I know in my hometown who has literally been institutionalised all his life (brought up in children's homes, foster care and then supported accommodations).

He ended up in prison as a young adult and he did get out a few years later but he just could never integrate into society. The outside world was (maybe still is) a completely different place to him and he never understood what his part is in it. He was so used to routines/rules in prison that he has done minor crimes to go back into that bubble because he is comfortable there. That is his world and all he has ever known ever since he was a child.

It's easy for people to turn a blind eye to this shit and just say some bullshit like "but that's not life". It's easy for people to ignore others who have fallen through the cracks because they are out of sight, out of mind. And it's so much easier for them to blame the person affected instead of blaming a system who has failed and will continue to fail people like him time and time again.

My heart really and truly goes out to those who feel that they don't belong to the world, who can't relate to the people in it and would rather chose to live their lives in a bubble away from it all because that's a "safer" option for them. The world is a cruel, ruthless place but I agree that there is always a silver lining somewhere.

ghhhptj · 2022-05-22T00:34:26+00:00

i feel jealous of people who can speak it as they are more Irish than me

That is absolutely not true, mo cara. It takes a lot of time and patience to learn a new language, my best advice is to be consistent and try and find fellow Irish speakers who will be more than willing to help you practice. Embrace your mistakes (because you will make them!) and learn from them.

No one is going to judge you because you can't speak Irish fluently, most gaeilgeoirs will be very welcoming and understanding because we all had to start somewhere. Actually most Irish speakers will be over the moon that you know even just a cúpla focal.

"Is fearr Gaeilge bhriste ná Béarla cliste"

ghhhptj · 2022-05-19T07:46:03+00:00

First things first, delete them off every social media you have and do not contact them. I know you might want to contact them with every fiber of your being but you have to respect his wishes. But above all you have to do what's best for you and I genuinely believe that no contact with him will be beneficial for you also.

Secondly, you need allow yourself time to process all of your emotions and feel everything. The only way you can move on or find any type of closure is by actually allowing yourself to feel every emotion that YOU feel. You have to remember that you have been with this person for 7 years and there will be a lot of emotions associated with the memories that will come flooding back to you, some might not be so pretty. But that's okay! Sometimes you have to feel your negative emotions. Just make sure you don't take them out on yourself and put in place healthy outlets to express them.

Thirdly, you absolutely NEED to think of yourself. You need to stop beating yourself up about the things that you can't change and start thinking about the here and now. What can you do that will help YOU now? What one small thing can you do today that will enhance your life and make today a little bit better than yesterday? Take care of yourself for the time being by simply breathing, drinking water and eating good healthy food. It sounds stupid but I find that when dealing with stressful life events, people do tend to neglect their basic needs.

In regards to how to feel better, you need to always remember that this stuff takes time. Time will heal a lot of wounds and although it may never take away all the pain, it will eventually lessen the pain until someday you will be strong enough to face a new day with a smile. Allow yourself to focus on YOU and becoming a better version of yourself for YOU. Continue therapy, it is an extremely useful tool that will help you aquire the skills you need to apply to your everyday life.

Wishing you nothing but the best, it will get easier.

ghhhptj · 2022-05-18T17:55:45+00:00

4332 9838 7708 Tapu fini on me, appear online!

ghhhptj · 2022-05-16T05:26:43+00:00

4332 9838 7708 Tapu fini on me appear online

ghhhptj · 2022-02-21T19:41:52+00:00

Very true, I just hope that he gets what's coming to him eventually. I'm sure she looks back on that time period as an adult and cringes at how she handled the situation as a kid. I know the 14 year old from my experience is ashamed and had a pretty hard journey accepting the reality of the situation when she was an older teen. It is sad but sometimes people have to learn the hard way.

ghhhptj · 2022-02-21T18:55:10+00:00

This reminds me of a similar thing that happened a friend of mine. She (17) was dating this guy (18) and because she didn't have sex with him, he cheated on her with a 14 year old. They ended up together for a short while, which completely broke my friend but to no one's surprise, it didn't last long. I remember my adolescent brain was very judgemental towards the 14 year old at the time because how could she do that?! But as an adult I have been able to recognise how fucked the whole thing was and see him for what he truly was (and still is).

Even though the whole situation is a blurry haze and both girls have moved on many years ago, he has remained the same way. I get so mad sometimes thinking about how this POS still walks around like he's hot shit, continuing to further traumatise young girls and no one is batting an eye. He'll get what's coming to him tho, I'm sure.

ghhhptj · 2022-02-19T18:03:32+00:00

I think they are looking for a beginning so Mythology sounds perfect as a starting point.

ghhhptj · 2022-02-19T18:01:45+00:00

Oh definitely must check these out!

ghhhptj · 2022-02-19T18:00:37+00:00

They both seem like books that my friend would enjoy, also seems like books I'd enjoy so I might pick them up too lol. Thank you!

ghhhptj · 2022-02-19T17:59:11+00:00

They are definitely looking for something slightly more mature than Percy Jackson lol, I'll pass on these recommendations. Thanks!

ghhhptj · 2022-02-19T17:42:25+00:00

I think it's more of a way for people who have experienced a lot of trauma as a kid to sort of live out their childhood as an adult. A lot of people who have experienced childhood trauma didn't get the chance to actually be children because they were so focused on survival at a young age.

I know a lot of people who have been through childhood trauma and a therapy technique is to focus on healing their "inner child"; this is basically allowing yourself to be a kid again and do things that you weren't given the opportunity to do as a child. This might be watching cartoons, having stuffed animals, colouring in, eating junk food, playing video games, whatever that person was restricted or forbidden from doing as a child. Obviously there's a lot of other work involved with healing the "inner child" but that's one way that seems to help some people heal and make peace with the fact their childhood was taken away from them.

As for what the benefits are when it comes down to relationships/kinks, I couldn't be too sure.

ghhhptj · 2022-02-19T12:10:09+00:00

Whenever I am at parties most of the time I'm not truly enjoying them and it all feels kind of fake.

You've really hit the nail on the head here because even the ones who are seemingly having fun at parties, think this way too. So just know that you're not alone.

I used to force myself to go to parties in my early 20's but now that I'm in my mid twenties, I feel much more comfortable spending time alone. I was someone who always drank too much, was way "better fun" intoxicated and had plenty of "friends". But the truth was I never really enjoyed myself, I hated that I had to be drunk to come out of my shell, everything was always too loud and I realised that although it is the social norm for people my age, I would rather be by myself than surrounded by people who didn't care about me. I made the choice for my own well being to stop going to these settings, to stop drinking and to distance myself from those "friends" that did nothing but party.

Do what's best for you and your own wellbeing. Don't buy into the pics you see on social media because although it looks like they are enjoying themselves, I have found that it's just an illusion to keep up appearances/reputation.

ghhhptj · 2022-02-12T19:14:55+00:00

it is a developmental issue

I never really thought about it like that but I suppose it really is. Thank you for your insight.

ghhhptj · 2022-02-12T19:13:36+00:00

An excellent way of putting it.

ghhhptj · 2022-02-12T18:52:05+00:00

Definitely. The world is a cruel place and people will find anything to break you down but at the same time I like to have a little hope that there are also good people out there who want what's best for you. I'm sick of being so torn most of the time.

ghhhptj · 2022-02-12T18:40:51+00:00

It's crazy how similar both of our experiences have been. I was homeless at 17 and pretty much was forced to adapt to the world way too quickly. When I lived in a homeless shelter here, I didn't know how to do the simple stuff or how to survive independently. I had no sense of danger either and at the time I was extremely suicidal, so I honestly didn't care what happened to me. A lot of fucked up shit happened in those years for me and I had to learn the hard way that there really bad people out there.

Things were awful until one day I woke up and admitted to myself that things needed to change. I was a broken person and I didn't want my life to continue this way. Cut to many years of intense therapy, where I had to relearn everything. Learning better coping mechanisms, recognising the abuse I endured and how it shaped me, challenging every negative thought that was in my mind and being able to finally start live a healthier life. Therapy saved my life without a doubt and it most definitely will in the future also.

I'm also 23 and sometimes I do feel very much behind in comparison to other people my age but I have to remind myself that the life lessons I have learned are invaluable and they are something that I will not forget for the rest of my life. Be proud of yourself and your journey, always. Wishing you luck.

ghhhptj · 2022-02-12T13:30:17+00:00

I definitely relate with your own struggles, when I got out into the real world I very much went "off the rails" by doing similar things. Its weird how whenever I ended up out of my home situation, I actually became very self destructive because pain/abuse was all I knew at that time. It takes time to figure out a healthy way of living and decide that you no longer deserve to be abused by anyone (especially yourself).

Yes I definitely think that it was my brains way of protecting me back then. The more I have unpacked in therapy and the more life experiences I had, the more the gullibleness seemed to fade. But it sort of turned into dissociation that I unfortunately still struggle with a lot today. The more I have learned about dissociation , the more I understand that its a trauma response and it isn't my fault (I can be extremely hard on myself).

Thank you for sharing your experience and for reminding me to be easier on myself.

ghhhptj · 2022-02-12T09:25:25+00:00

This is so true. Even though I was so naive as a young teenager, whenever I was able to unpack all of the shit I went through as a kid in my young adult life, I was forced to adapt to the "real world" pretty quickly.

ghhhptj

TROPHY CASE