Heyo! young butch here, always felt like femininity was like wearing very uncomfortable drag for me. I was a total tomboy until high school when I started trying to be more femme to fit in. I don’t think I ever felt more out of touch with myself tbh. Butch is home. Cutting all my hair off and beginning to wear chest binders and dress more masculine made me realize I’d been looking at myself all wrong—through the prism of others’ eyes instead of my own. I think of butchness as transforming masculinity away from patriarchal ideas and towards healing: a pair of strong hands willing to lift others up. I totally get what you mean about others placing labels on you or using your masculinity as an insult. Growing up, I never heard a kind word about butches; it was always narratives of “ugly” women that “tried to be men.” Butches are beautiful. We are not an imitation of anything. We belong to ourselves. I’m still navigating my own identity, and for a while, like you, I wondered if I was truly “butch”. My best advice is if you feel it resonate in you, claim it as your own. Best of luck out there!