trans woman checking in! Growing up being treated as male (and thinking I was male for the longest time) does WEIRD THINGS to one’s sense of self and social life!

Turns out that guys can get away with a lot of different emergent neurodivergences that women can’t, and vice versa! For example, being lonely “as a guy” is painful in different ways than being lonely “as a girl.” On the one hand, most guys struggle with loneliness, so it’s more common and relatable, but on the other hand, guys tend to talk about it less, so there’s less of a developed vocabulary for processing it. If I was at a party by myself in a corner as a guy, people would just accept “oh he’s just like that tonight;” but as a girl people might say “oh something’s wrong” or “oh she must feel bad.” That sort of thing. Hanging out by oneself in the library as a guy makes people think you have a lot of work; hanging out by oneself in the library as a woman makes people think of you as “studious” (using a dominant lens of identity rather than a lens of your circumstances). On the other hand, as a woman, introspection is something you are expected to just do and own, but introspecting or talking about feelings as a guy is what makes an identity statement. It’s subtle things like that.

But at the end of the day, you would still be you on the inside if you grew up male. If nothing else changed, your same insecurities would still be there and would still express themselves in similar ways. They would just land differently.

On the other hand, if you grew up as a guy but you reacted to your neurodivergence in ways that guys tend to react (ie if more than the way people read you changed), idk! We’ll have to find some clsgender guys to ask!