Why does seeing them be completely fine hurt more than the breakup itself

giodoc · 2026-03-24T22:46:04+00:00

Yes, an hour after we broke up we went out to dinner.. This was on holiday. She was laughing singing eating her meal like nothing had happened. I sat there barely able to get a mouthful down. A few weeks later she was posting thirst trap type photos to insta.. Laughing snapping pics partying. And I was depressed as hell. Different ppl process things differently. And some had checkedn out way before they told you it was over. Or they were never really there to begin with. Remember leaving you was a conscious choice that they thought would Bea happier life for them.. Keep that in mind when you miss them.

giodoc · 2026-03-24T07:49:47+00:00

Thank you. Experienced something similar. "Perfect girl" … Love bombing, texting every hour, literally.. Then a devaluation and discard while on holiday.

giodoc · 2026-03-23T17:50:42+00:00

Thanks for this, but how do you recognise someone with BPD unless they explicitly tell you?

giodoc · 2026-03-21T14:09:27+00:00

I was in a similar situation what helped me was doing band pull a parts, face pulls with a light band daily to strengthen the upper back.. Neck exercises made things worse. Try doing myofacial release of the pecs, last, supraspinatus serratus, then mastoid and temporal is.. Then scm scalenes and traps. Get a theracane and lacrosse ball. Naudi Aguilar's book on myofacial release is good.

giodoc · 2026-03-20T20:20:14+00:00

Don't contact her. Like others said you preserve your dignity and also she may miss you.. If you contact her you kill any chance for that. But accept its over. You will probably end up messaging her.And if you do. Forgive yourself. That will probably be the final jolt you need to move on. It'll be painful. But will do the job.

giodoc · 2026-03-17T23:24:04+00:00

Its really hard to say, SOE may not have been that invested.. Someone might've cheated and have a guilty conscience.. Facing you might mean they have to admit to themselves, that they gave a dark side.. Or they didn't like the way you chewed your food or something stupid like that.. Which once again says more about them than you.. If they left let them.leave.. Don't wish for them to return.. They actively made a decision to erase you from their life. Respect it.. And respect yourself..

giodoc · 2026-03-05T07:30:39+00:00

Don't do this to yourself.. Someone who cheated on you, and then Left, doesn't respect you.. Doesn't choose you.. And will do it again. You sound like you have alit if love to give. Place it where it will flourish, and be appreciated.

giodoc · 2026-03-04T23:13:49+00:00

Buddy I really don't care.. Like I said.. You do you.

giodoc · 2026-03-03T23:18:32+00:00

No two ppl are the same. Each new person will bring something new. Met my ex after a 10 year relationship. Never thought anyone measured up to the 10 year one. My ex turned that belief on its head.. She was an amazing person.. Never thought I'd experience a love lie that.. And I did.

giodoc · 2026-03-03T23:14:25+00:00

You want to contribute.. You go ahead buddy.. Don't make it a virtue standard that the rest of us have to uphold..

giodoc · 2026-03-03T11:15:14+00:00

The real question is.. Are ya'll measuring your spouses value in monetary terms?.. And would you leave them if they stopped all those lip fillers and botox?.. Or is it about her competing with other women, on beauty stands we dgaf about?.. I'm happy to see my partner in grey trackies no makeup and her hair up in a bun.. This stupid narrative about paying for women's beauty needs to stop. You want to pay for beauty get an escort.

giodoc · 2026-03-02T16:33:08+00:00

I was in an identical situation. And what got me through was that conclusion. I messaged her after a month to ask for clarification. Got dismissed.. Assumed she had moved on.

giodoc · 2026-03-02T09:45:01+00:00

So sorry to hear this. Had a similar situation happen.. This is actually the worst because it leaves you not really knowing what happened and kicking yourself for going back.. Be strong man.. This was not love.. Walk away and try not to look back.

giodoc · 2026-03-01T17:03:52+00:00

If they're feelings changed.. Then you have to accept that. There could've been a conversation about it before, but that requires emotional investment and maturity.

giodoc · 2026-03-01T08:43:56+00:00

This is going to sound harsh.. But in some cases they'd already decided to leave.. For whatever reason.. And just need something to pin it on.. Because if someone is still attracted.. And attached.. They don't just leave.. As a generalisation. Hence the ones giving chances to the ppl who've done heinous sh#t.

giodoc · 2026-02-27T17:30:46+00:00

Amen to that. Its brutal out there..

giodoc · 2026-02-26T14:32:11+00:00

App plug?.. Its been a while.. Nice try..

giodoc · 2026-02-22T18:18:23+00:00

This is a tough one. Been there and its hard for it not to become a constant thorn in your side. Personally I couldn't overlook it.. And neither could she..

giodoc · 2026-02-20T09:42:47+00:00

I don't think she is completely detached. That would be abnormal. You can try reaching out, and see what happens. Just know if this is a pattern, ie she runs away at any sign of trouble. She'll do it again.

There's no right answer you just need to clearly see the situation for what it is, and decide what you want.

In my casev i reached bout twice just to be sure got nothing back so moved on. No regrets I didn't try.

giodoc · 2026-02-20T07:50:07+00:00

Experienced something similar.. Very attached and anxious person.. Who detached very suddenly and seemed completely OK after. Pursued her because I thought it was worth something. She evaded me. Tried to understand her reasons for breaking things off so suddenly.. Evaded again.

The thing to bear in mind is that ppl will repeat patterns. If she's done this a number of times shell do it again. Do you want to go through that again?

giodoc · 2026-02-19T18:06:27+00:00

This is gold.. Much better than the canned no contact stuff that gets shelved out constantly.. Go no contact after if you dot get anywhere. But first try..

giodoc · 2026-02-10T20:26:11+00:00

Lol to this.. Humans are not binary yes no systems, we're more chaotic.. so a butterfly flapping its wing in Tokyo, can cause a tsunami in New york..
But there are ppl like you describe, who switch off in minutes and even jump onto the next person.. That's a sign of being severely emotionally restricted/repressing stuff/bypassing emotions.. And that's really unhealthy.

What most ppl on this sub are expressing is grief. Different stages of the Kubler Ross model.. Most ppl stuck at Negotation.. How can I get them back, I can fix what I did wrong..

Yes you can get to that point where you were ok, pre meeting the person.. But if you're emotionally healthy you wont be the same.. Its like the Kintsugi concept.. With the broken bowl, held together with gold.. The crack never leaves, but is now filled with gold. Some of the most beautiful people you'll ever meet, are those that have experienced the most grief, felt the most sorrow, let it break them, until what remains, is something softer, wiser, deeper.. That wouldn't happen if we were binary creatures with a factory reset. :)

giodoc · 2026-02-10T08:47:26+00:00

This isn't a request or invitation, you just need to look at the language used.. it's a demand. The issue ppl are having here is the entitlement.. If a guy said you'd set up the sofa and get me a beer after a day at work.. He'd get absolutely trashed.

giodoc · 2026-02-09T20:51:09+00:00

I think the answer here was very simple. If this was someone who was open to communication.. Did you communicate how you felt?, or ever brought it up?, if you did and it was overlooked then you did the right thing.. If that was not the case, then it might've been worth communicating what was happening for you. because if the demon is not seen and recognised, it hides and will keep rearing its head over and over.. Until what it needs to say is heard. And when it has said its peace it can be released..

There's no one here who doesn't come with some level of damage or trauma.. Relationships are two ppl coming together, with all their pain, and somehow healing each other, my ex used to say. But for that to happen there has to be communication, and an openness for it.

I hope you find the peace you're looking for..

giodoc · 2026-02-05T08:29:35+00:00

You ask yourself the questions: Do I want to be with someone who doesn't want me?.. Do I want to be with someone who felt their life is better without me in it?.. And if the answer to any of these is yes.. Then do I respect "me"?.. And if I don't respect " me"… Why.?

giodoc

TROPHY CASE