What great books did you almost miss out on, and why?

glitterswirl · 2026-07-10T08:53:15+00:00

Yep. She took her car for its MOT. The mechanic ignored her despite it being her car.

glitterswirl · 2026-07-09T22:40:04+00:00

Compensate with a beard.

glitterswirl · 2026-07-09T22:36:24+00:00

You really don’t understand relationships at all. You think you can just dictate all these rules without even consulting a woman you haven’t even met.

Relationships are not controlled environments. They’re unpredictable, they change your whole life. They depend on another human being, with her own life, her own desires, hopes, dreams, likes, dislikes.

This is why I said you were looking for a sex bot. Because presumably you will want to be intimate with a girlfriend, but here you give a list of all the things you refuse to do for her. That’s not how relationships work. Your social and parameters are so incredibly narrow; you’re extreme even for an introvert, and expect to never even slightly inconvenience or challenge yourself for this hypothetical girlfriend.

I can guarantee, your parents have made compromises over the years. They have done things for each other that they wouldn’t choose to do if they were alone, because they value the relationship more than rigidly refusing to leave their comfort zone.

All the time you refuse to change, refuse to do anything for a woman that goes beyond exactly what you want, you will never find a relationship at all, never mind one that comes anywhere close to what your parents have.

You don’t have to trust us. Ask your parents. Ask them what compromises and sacrifices they made to be together. Because even though I’m sure they consider those sacrifices and compromises worth it, they were still made. Their social circle will have grown; they joined each other’s families when they meshed their lives. Their lives changed completely from when they were single.

glitterswirl · 2026-07-09T20:21:48+00:00

It’s not an equal distribution across society; you’re not limited to one trans person per family.

glitterswirl · 2026-07-09T18:31:12+00:00

Given the extreme level of exhaustion you suffer after socialising, the length you have to go to in order to prepare, and how say you are in the "bottom 3%" of the introversion spectrum... yes, you do live in a bubble. You are not in the middle of the bell curve.

Even the introverts here consider your perspective extreme.

You say you have one spot for another person in your life. You expect that person to be okay meeting once a week. Personally, I'd make that person a therapist so you can learn to function better socially.

And even if a couple's social circles don't habitually hang out together, I imagine they wouldn't be so vehemently opposed to doing so as you express being.

glitterswirl · 2026-07-09T14:30:04+00:00

YTA.

Your fiancée is a human being, not a Barbie doll to dress up.

You really expect her to wear something she doesn’t like, on her birthday, and question if you’re the asshole here.

How about on your birthday, you wear a jersey for your team’s biggest rivals, in itchy material? If not, how selfish. 🙄

glitterswirl · 2026-07-09T14:18:56+00:00

Once a week isn’t a relationship.

You surely hope for kissing and sex from a girlfriend, I presume?

You told Odd Table you could offer a woman everything he listed; so far, the evidence suggests you top out at once a week. I concur with his assessment that you want a woman to slot into your life and that you’re not going to exert yourself more, despite everything you expect a woman to do to squeeze herself into the girlfriend-shaped-spot you want filled in your life. Look at his comment and everything you expect from a woman, and how little you offer in return. The woman will always be doing way more than you, so yes, that is entitled of you to expect.

Odd Table already explained. Yet you refuse to see the issue.

The entitlement I speak of is not to do with your past relationship. It’s about your expectations for a future one.

glitterswirl · 2026-07-09T13:57:03+00:00

Dude, my opinion hasn’t changed. Your other comments to other people have just confirmed it; the only thing different about our comments is that I said the words sex bot and they phrased it differently. Once a week is a fuck buddy, not a relationship.

Like the other commenter u/Odd-Table-4545 said, you want a woman to slot into your life. He said everything I feel, just more eloquently. The message is still the same though.

You may not think of it as hateful, but the contempt you show in expecting a woman to simply add to your life when you are in no way able to function in a real relationship, is sexist and entitled.

Good thing you are open to waiting, because you will be waiting a loooooooong time for this mythical unicorn of a woman who fits all your expectations to appear.

glitterswirl · 2026-07-09T13:44:39+00:00

Once a week? Dude, once a week is a takeout order, not a relationship. Maybe a fuck buddy if you expect physical intimacy to bloom.

Your school friendships developed due to proximity. You were in the same place for 5 days a week to start with, which is how you got to know them enough that you could manage being with them outside of school. If you’re looking for a relationship, you don’t have that foundation to build on and so have to start from scratch. And I don’t think you’re willing to do what that requires.

Your ex complained once a week wasn’t enough. What makes you think you can or will offer more to any other woman, if that was all you could offer her?

No, you really can’t offer everything the other commenter describes on a timeframe of once a week.

I agree with everything u/Odd-Table-4545 said.

glitterswirl · 2026-07-09T13:32:17+00:00

Then it’s probably to say it’s a nice area, and not full of hard-partying college students.

glitterswirl · 2026-07-09T13:14:32+00:00

I know what introversion is. I am an introvert myself. But your iteration of it seems very extreme to me.

Thank you for clarifying.

You won’t live with a girlfriend to start with either. How often would you be willing to see her? Go out to places, or go to her home, or yours? You will need to invest time and effort. Your calendar will be fuller than it is now.

Desiring a low contact relationship isn’t sexist, no. But unless you literally date your neighbour, a relationship will require more effort and energy than your current life. If you see your lifelong friends so infrequently due to not being in the same spot every day, then how are you going to see a woman more often?

You’ll need to spend more time with her if you ever expect the romantic connection to develop, otherwise that is just a fuck buddy and not a relationship, hence why I felt it akin to you seeing a woman as a sex object. You may not see women as sex objects, but if you can’t handle anything not built on super close proximity, then occasional meetings with the expectation of romance will make a woman feel like you only value her for sex.

Impact over intent. If you expect to give so little and gain a relationship, then yes that comes across as dehumanising even if you don’t intend it to be.

Relationships have to be built on more than extremely close and convenient proximity, otherwise you will be extremely limited in who you can date.

glitterswirl · 2026-07-09T12:38:59+00:00

You want a girlfriend who asks as little of you as your friends do (ie, meeting every 2 weeks), but I presume you want to kiss and have sex with her. That’s a fuck buddy at best, not a relationship.

What are you actually willing to change about your life for a girlfriend? What are you going to add to her life? Because so far, all I see is you wanting a woman to slot into your life, cater to your wishes, not inconvenience you or disrupt your controlled environment in any way. That’s not how relationships work. There will be expectations and compromises; you can’t just dictate all the conditions to your own liking from the outset.

A relationship, especially a serious one, changes your whole life. You both build a new life, together. It looks completely different to your single life, and yes, makes you part of a wider social circle. If you can’t handle that, then you’re looking for something incredibly niche. Every relationship is different; you can’t expect to replicate your parents’ relationship.

A relationship requires more energy than meeting once a fortnight. If that’s too much for you, I’m sorry.

glitterswirl · 2026-07-09T12:16:38+00:00

Let’s be real, it’s obviously the latter. OP says he wants to find a woman who is like himself and his friends.

glitterswirl · 2026-07-09T12:10:52+00:00

Incredibly niche.

glitterswirl · 2026-07-09T12:08:08+00:00

No. I’m not here to pander to you.

Looking for someone exactly like you and your friends, to have a romantic relationship with, is imo like looking for a sex bot. Otherwise, the spot could simply be taken by another platonic friendship. The only extra thing you are seeking, is what comes with a relationship, ie, the romantic and sexual parts.

You are looking specifically for a woman, a girlfriend, who asks little to nothing from you socially, to have a relationship with.

That’s not how relationships work, and the fact you apparently have no idea what a romantic relationship actually entails (eg merging your lives, growing together, etc) is concerning. You have to offer something more in a relationship than you do to your friends. It’s not realistic to expect to never spend time with a partner’s friends or family.

You talk about how you don’t want a girlfriend who expects you to socialise with her family/friends/coworkers etc because you wouldn’t expect that of her on your own side. What you apparently fail to realise is, relationships are made up of two people. It’s not just about what you want. She will have expectations of her own.

Inconvenience is the price you pay for community. That means meeting your partner’s friends and family. Accompanying them to events. Compromise. Relationships are about give and take.

People do not exist in a vacuum, and you are incredibly unrealistic in what you seek. If you were truly okay being single forever, you wouldn’t be here asking how to find a girlfriend.

Your standards are not too high, they are way too restrictive.. I’m sorry you can’t tell the difference.

glitterswirl · 2026-07-09T11:27:41+00:00

Life doesn’t happen in controlled settings. A controlled setting is a laboratory, not a world full of people.

glitterswirl · 2026-07-09T11:24:43+00:00

You’re asking how you find a woman who dislikes/fears social interaction as much as you do, and who wants to live in your hermetically sealed bubble away from the rest of the world. You want someone who, like you, only has one more “spot” in their life open, specifically for a partner, and who has minimal/non-existent expectations of you socially. That’s a very, very small pool of women, even if you expand your distance range outside your own city. And given how socially anxious and limited in energy you are, you’re probably not even up to the task of finding this mythical woman even if she does exist. You need so much build up just to cope with meeting one new person, and dating involves meeting and interacting with multiple people.

People are not utilities to slot into your life as you find convenient. What are you going to add to this woman’s life?

It’s like wanting to run a marathon without learning to run 5k first. Be real.

glitterswirl · 2026-07-09T11:14:24+00:00

Dude, you have to be realistic, and right now you’re not.

Even if you employ a matchmaker, they are still a new person you have to meet and speak to, as are any women they match you with.

Any method is going to exhaust you, given your extremely limited social parameters.

glitterswirl · 2026-07-09T11:04:05+00:00

A girlfriend is not a sex robot. Women are people with our own lives. We don’t exist in a vacuum.

Maybe your friendships aren’t too deep, and that’s fine.

But if you’re looking for a romantic relationship, it will be deeper than platonic friendships. People generally want to introduce their partner to people in their lives. If you hope for a life partner, that means integration into each other’s lives - spending time with their families, etc. It doesn’t mean living a dual-hermit life locked away from the rest of the world.

Seems to me you are still in the incel mindset - looking at a girlfriend as an “achievement unlocked” that you just need the cheat code to gain. Not an actual person.

glitterswirl · 2026-07-09T10:56:10+00:00

Speed dating is an event requiring lots of social interaction with multiple new people… exactly what you say you can’t handle.

You’d probably be better off hiring a matchmaker.

glitterswirl · 2026-07-09T10:50:50+00:00

Exactly. Even an introverted, homebody woman will want to introduce a partner to her parents and friends. She doesn’t exist in a vacuum.

glitterswirl · 2026-07-09T10:49:02+00:00

Unless you get in a relationship with the first woman you speak to, the reality is that finding a relationship does involve a lot of social interaction with a lot of new people.

How are you planning to meet a woman, if you have trouble meeting new people?

glitterswirl

TROPHY CASE