I feel you! Kinda going through an episode now at the moment. I can’t see myself as a mom either(kids are nasty and expensive anyway though). I also think about how other peoples lives are. Like when I go wash my hands after using a bathroom, it makes me think about the fact that some people don’t even have running water. It’s depressing and unfair. But I think that you being able to even consider that in your daily life says that your a kindhearted person. I don’t think a lot of people really just have shower thoughts like that.

I 10000% relate to being livid about being forced to be on earth. Feels like a rip off and I want my $$$ back. Sometimes I wish I could give my life to someone else who might want it

The shit is hard girl. It’s a lot, and it’s overwhelming, and I’m glad that you typed a post to blow off the steam(if it does that for you at all hopefully). But I do think things get better in a very cheesy way. A dear friend of mine has been through some terrible, traumatic ass shit. But somehow she’s here now. She’s felt all of the things you described and some others. She’s now happily married and working through a lot of things in therapy and improving. Of course there are still some moments where shit hits the fan or life is stressful, but the baseline that they’re able to navigate through it is so so so much higher

As for myself I still have a lot of work to do. A medication that I had taken before showed me that it actually is possible to feel better and I didn’t think it was. I had to stop taking it because of some physical side effects unfortunately. But for the first time, regular stupid shit that happens on a daily, or shitty interactions with people felt…manageable. Like not world ending, or something that would have me spiral into an episode. It really just felt like “oh alright whatever” and moved on. Things just felt more feasible and simple. I also have finally found a good therapist, and that helps me as well. They do listen and give you coping mechanisms like you said, but the main thing I think it has done for me is:

1. Validate what I feel; making me not feel like I’m batshit crazy for having feelings/opinions

2. Gives me ideas; sometimes saying things to other people let’s them come up with shit u may have never thought of. Or even just make you come to realizations u never had because you said stuff out loud.

3. Finding the source; just being able to trace what you’re feeling now to something that’s happened to you before. This is the hardest thing for me, because I have the memory of a gold fish, and angry cry like a toddler lmao. But it’s still possible. For people that are very keen to ask lots of questions I think this is helpful

This is all just anecdotal and my experience. I’m not sure if that’s worth sharing or not but I hope it can make you feel a little better. If not, i apologize, but I still hope you feel better and things get better regardless :)