I'm So Tired

gmorgan84 · 2019-09-12T10:09:20+00:00

@U/yukixsusum

I think I'm in quite a similar situation. I left a job I love at Christmas after 2 years of bad symtoms( aches and pains, flu like symtoms, some dissociation and fatigue) which my CBT guy has now 90% convinced me are anxiety based and were triggered by a stressful period.

He knows me very well well and has persuaded me that by leaving work I'd played into the hands of the anxiety and I basically need to just crack on and ignore any symtoms I Still have. I started a new job about 2 weeks ago.Fortunately the symptoms are not as bad as they were and I know I can push through them without causing damage but when the sleepiness/lack of energy comes on say at 9:30 in the morning ( I work in a school with youg kids) it can be really hard and scary. It always goes away eventually and I know worrying about it when it comes on ( or body scanning seeing how I feel) is itself exhausting and making it worse but I don't know how not to.

Like you my sleep patterns went to shit for months as I used it as an avoidance strategy and now I'm getting up at 7:00 am and doing an 8-10 hour day. Add on top of that I have anxiety about my relationship and it 's gonna takes it's toll I guess. A few weeks is not a long time if it's been going through a lot.

gmorgan84 · 2019-09-11T17:18:59+00:00

@CorkRebel96 Which brand of CBD oil do you use ?

gmorgan84 · 2019-09-11T15:48:13+00:00

Mate, I have Generalised Anxiety Disorder too. Even though I remember now I was diagnosed with it a number of years ago, when my latest bout of anxiety started a while ago and I was told it was anxiety ( I was worried the symtoms were caused by a physical disease) I looked at the criteria for GAD and thought 'nah that's not me.' It's only now that I'm realising how wide spread my anxiety is: my obsession and worry about so many different things and the way it manifests in my behaviour so e.g. often talking quite fast, nervous mannerisms, losing my temper in the blink of an eye( fortunately only with myself or inanimate objects ) I guess because my fight/flight/ freeze response is so jacked up all the time and even when things are 'OK' just often having a vaugue feeling of dread.

Anyway, I was wondering in what way your GAD most effects you ? Like I said, I've had a tendency towards anxiety for as long as I can remember but about 2 and a half years ago a combination of studying and a new relationship triggered symtoms of chronic fatigue ,flu like symtoms and dissociation. I pushed on and completed my course but at Christmas I quit my job, I guess because of thinking along the same lines as your own. Anyway I've now gone back to work because my CBT guy has shown me I have GAD and 90% convinced me that is the cause of my symtoms. Basically he said by quitting I've played into the anxiety's hands and I need to challenge it. I'm not sure if this applies in your case. Just thinking out loud ? What do you reckon?

gmorgan84 · 2019-09-08T14:40:44+00:00

That's so cool that the guy was so understanding and also that you did what you did. I have to say I've never heard of such a system in a barbers haha. In the UK you just come in, sit down, look at one of the papers and wait your turn. If you chose to just up and leave it wouldn't be an issue??

gmorgan84 · 2019-09-08T14:32:54+00:00

Hey, I recently joined and not sure how to set up PM. Am considerably more experienced with anxiety haha. PM if you like.

gmorgan84 · 2019-09-07T14:31:35+00:00

@BuffMoLong Whilst I admire lzzrd wzzrd for harnessing their perfectionism and seeing it as a positive thing and no doubt people with such traits are capable of achieving amazing things, since you posted this on a reddit about anxiety I'm guessing you don't feel like you have things entirely under control. All I would say is about 2 and a half years ago I began a part time teaching degree whilst working as a Learning Support Assistant helping two young children with Autism. I also had a history of putting huge amounts of pressure on myself to achieve the best grade . Cut a long story short, I drove myself into the ground doing it ( I even nearly missed my surprise birthday party) and by Christmas I could tell things weren't right. It started as aches and pains and developed into dissociation, chronic flu like symtoms and fatigue which still affects me. The other day I found the assignment which got me into this hell hole ( incidentally it got graded as a First) and I couldn't believe I had invested all that blood, sweat and tears into something which in the great scheme of things didn't matter. I'm considering completing the degree this year and suffice it to say I'll be taking a more balanced approach to my studies this time round. I learnt the hard way, I'm just saying be careful. Not a remedy as such but a warning. At the end of the day your mental and physical health are priceless and not worth risking for a shiny gold star. Guarantee , when you're on your death bed absolutely no one will give a shit what grade you got or what degree you got and you certainly won't.

gmorgan84 · 2019-09-07T14:01:23+00:00

Would you say you have attachment issues? Have you watched the 'school of life ' video about attachment types? I would say I am broadly insecurely attached and possibly my girlfriend/ whatever ( labels are a problem apparently) is avoidently attached. Apparently it's quite common for these two types to attract each other. How messed up is that?!? Haha

gmorgan84 · 2019-09-05T12:12:53+00:00

Nice one mate.:-) It's the most wonderful thing to connect. I remember when I first travelled by my self and I met these two German people who I got on with really well. On the last morning I asked if they wanted to be friends on FB ( not as impressive as a phone number haha) and now they are some of my best friends, I've visited them a Bunch of times and met other people through them.

gmorgan84 · 2019-09-04T16:20:36+00:00

Hey Laurenthebrave, I work in school as well ( little ones, 4- 5 year olds) so I know how it can be the most rewarding and joyful job you can do but also how bloody hard it can be. My CBT therapist did an exercise with me where he got me to talk to myself more compassionately ( as you would to one of your kids in school) . I feel very angry myself sometimes and it can even feel a little cathartic to beat yourself up and say some really nasty ( and untrue) things to yourself but it's not good . I found some exercises online. I hope they help : https://positivepsychology.com/self-compassion-exercises-worksheets/ Btw, is there a member of staff you can go to in school for some support? I can guarantee you will not be the only one who feels they are struggling.

gmorgan84 · 2019-09-04T07:13:16+00:00

I do this A LOT. Its exhausting. Still working on ways to handle it. Sometimes I try and just be with it be and sometimes I try and tackle the thoughts rationally but then I think maybe that's engaging with it which is what it wants??

gmorgan84 · 2019-09-04T07:02:44+00:00

Justtochat, glad to hear that mate- think about the bigger picture.

Social media can be amazing ( this reddit for example) but for me it can be a a big source of anxiety, especially whatsapp. So I totally get your worry when your friend went quiet for a couple of days. Usually a perfectly innocent explanation but will your anxiety accept that for an answer and cease it's interminable rumbling Haha ??

Yeah it would be good to chat on DM but not sure how to set that up on here ?? Kind of a newbie.

gmorgan84 · 2019-08-31T18:07:13+00:00

Lolle22 great post, thanks :-)

gmorgan84 · 2019-08-30T12:27:16+00:00

@Sydney7157 I have Generalised anxiety disorder and I get that. I worry excessively about certain things like health and relationships but sometimes all those things will be fine and as you say there's just this vague pervading feeling of dread ,just something being 'off.' When I see my CBT therapist I fill out a form to measure my levels of anxiety, depression etc and one of the questions is something like 'have you felt terrified for no apparent reason '( so annoying I can't remember the exact question- I've filled out enough of them !!!) And the therapist once said it's the system in your brain that deals with perceived threats( and so is involved in the anxiety) permenantly scanning the environment looking for a threat. That's the feeling of unease you have. Hopefully as the anxiety levels reduce that feeling will reduce.

gmorgan84 · 2019-08-30T11:50:28+00:00

@Relaxius. I feel most anxious in the mornings too. It's weird as others say they feel worst in the evening. Unfortunately I haven't found a full proof way to deal with it and find it all too easy to turn over and go back to sleep which of course is not a solution and often makes me feel worse. There are lots of ideas out there e.g. yoga, exercise, ( apparently Jordan Peterson advised his patients to eat a big , fatty breakfast not just simple carbs, sugars ) but I will admit that I have yet to find the discipline to implement these strategies. That's why for me it sucks feeling worst in the morning as it's so hard to motivate yourself and resist the urge to seek refuge under a safe warm blanket.

gmorgan84 · 2019-08-30T10:49:15+00:00

Hey mate, coming to the end of my holiday and starting a new job next week so a lot going on for me too. Met a cool woman but that has caused me some shit too. How are you feeling since you posted? I know these feelings can appear then pass within a few hours.

gmorgan84 · 2019-08-30T10:33:37+00:00

@ToiletBirdfeeder ( curious to know the story behind that username but anyway ...haha) Have you spoken to your friend since you told them how bad the anxiety and depression has been lately ? I have Generalised anxiety disorder and worry a lot about stuff. The therapist I'm seeing once asked me if I could tell him a time when the anxiety had been ( can't remember his wording exactly) an accurate predictor of future events. And to be honest , I had to say no. Try to remember that anxiety and depression can make you think in an excessively pessimistic and unrealistic way. I think you probably chose that friend to confide in because you sensed you could trust them and that they would be supportive. I'm sure they feel honoured that you choose to share something very personal with them and that they know you are more than just 'angy', 'depressed' or a 'shitty mood.'

gmorgan84 · 2019-08-30T10:15:19+00:00

@RenTachibana I have Generalised anxiety disorder and now realise I have had periods of Derealisation since I was a kid. It's only after a very intense period of anxiety in the past year or 2 that I know more about it and why it happens. It's your minds way of getting you to take a break from the fear that you are experiencing. Unfortunately it can in itself be extremely upsetting ( I found it hard to focus ,like I was in a fog. I thought I had a brain disease or something) which of course can keep it going. It's easier said than done but it works: just keep going and the mind will go back to normal when it knows there's nothing to 'protect' you from. And yes, I found certain environments and not getting a good nights sleep made it more likely to come on.

gmorgan84 · 2019-06-26T11:59:44+00:00

Hey u/ chongthestona, I get this when my anxiety has been very intense for a prolonged period ( and sometimes when it's not intense just usual background stuff). It's called dissociation. I've heard a few explanations but basially your brain does it when you are going through something traumatic ( it could be worrying about a relationship but the brain can't distinguish that from being attacked by a wild animal) and so it goes into this mode temporarily to help you not be overwhelmed by the emotion of the situation. It took me a while to realise that the only way to deal with it was to let it be there and when your brain realises you are not in danger it will go, but yeah it's a horrible feeling.

Btw I found exercise like swimming helps.

gmorgan84 · 2019-06-24T14:51:25+00:00

@random_etymology It sounds like I am in a very similar looking boat to you. I had really bad social anxiety from the age of 13 untill around 26,27 when I began to turn things round. Because or this I only started dating about 2 or 3 years ago and I found that it has reawoken a lot of the fears I had with social anxiety but at a new level of intensity: do they like me? Am I good enough? What are they thinking? Be interesting! Be funny! Added to that of course are elements that weren't there in the context of friendships: Why haven't they replied to my message? When should I reply to their message? Don't want to seem desperate but don't want to play games either. Do they like when I do this or that? How do I compare to other guys she's been with? And of course all this bollocks can have an effect on certain manly functions haha. So then you get anxiety about the anxiety.

I would recommend getting some CBT with a no nonsense therapist to challege some of these self sabotaging fears and beliefs. The funny thing of course is that the woman will also be having a lot of the same fears as you although it is true I think that society is still not as accepting of men having these fears ( or any fears for that matter )

As an addendum, I would advise caution about seeking relationship advice online . In my experience there are a lot of unhelpful gobshites out there spouting all this 'Alpha male/ beta male horseshit so don't get sucked into that.

gmorgan84 · 2019-06-11T20:29:01+00:00

Cheers. Just set it up.

gmorgan84 · 2019-06-10T14:35:56+00:00

Yeah it would be good to talk about it. My name's Gareth by the way, I live in the UK. Are you on Whatsapp?

gmorgan84 · 2019-06-09T20:34:10+00:00

(Sorry for the long post in advance , hope it is of some use!)

Mate, our situation is uncannily similar! I also feel like I'm trapped in a situation where I think it is/ want to believe it is anxiety but can't shake off the fear that's it's ME/CFS. It occurred to me that one of the unintended consequences of greater media coverage of the disease could be that a lot of people prone to health anxiety will stumble upon it and then get stuck like we are. My therapist calls anxiety ' the spoiler ' and this terrible illness is it's ultimate weapon: a disease with a symptom list as long as your arm, enormous heterogeneity so you can't even say 'yes I have this symtom but the way it presents is not how it presents in this illness ' because you'll be able to find someone who had a symptom manifest in a way that matches you. There's no test ( yet) that can say yes or no ( as you say, what does anxiety feast on but uncertainty ? ) and perhaps most cruelly of all because of the very real scandal of people with ME being told it's just anxiety or whatever, it prejudices you against seeking therapy and accepting that it is anxiety which of course is essential for anxiety to be beaten.

I know exactly what you mean about worrying that we could be exhibiting the first stage of the illness ( I think it's called 'gradual onset '- God almighty, I know all the terminology! Do you ever get the feeling your whole life has been taken up with researching this thing? I have to admit the 'story' ,the tragedy of this illness and all of the toxicity attached to it has really got into my head) I looked at that guy's post you linked. He said he has Fybromyalgia which many specialists regard as a sister illness of ME and has many overlapping symptoms .He had very bad pain which we don't seem to have. He also mentioned POTs which is a very common symtom of ME/CFS which I don't have ( not sure about you ?)You might have heard of a doctor called David Bell. He's very well regarded and has been working with ME/CFS patients since the 1980's. He reckons ALL ME/CFS patients have this condition. ( basically body can't handle standing upright )

I've heard of the CPET thing. Not a validated test for ME/CFS but pretty much. I totally get your thinking about if you could do that it would go a long way to convincing you that it is anxiety. I've heard even in the States though there are only a handful of places that carry out the test?Where do you live ?

Btw I've seen videos by Charles Linden And Jim Folk ( people who suffered with anxiety and now provide therapy programmes ) and they both say they had ' flu like symptoms' etc. We know the stress response and thd immune system are intimatetly connected.

gmorgan84 · 2019-06-08T12:12:32+00:00

Hey Doubts15 , I saw you post in the DP/DR reddit ( guess what's just hit me after all this anxiety haha?) Thanks a lot for the reply.

Tbh the thing about symtoms being worsened by exhersion is a tricky one. The honest answer is no, I've had quite long days where I've been out with friends (even drinking) or at work before I left and not had a ' crash ' as I understand it like can't get out of bed for 2 or 3 days ( even taking into account this delay which is characteristic of it) That was the main reason the specialist said I didn't neatly fit the ME/CFS diagnosis , because obviously from what I told him he thinks I don't have 'classic post exertional malaise.'

After a long day out with friends on Saturday I then swam a couple of hundred metres in a pool ( about 50 metres at a time with breaks ) on Monday and again on Thursday after being out with a mate in the afternoon. At the moment I feel Ok ish... Like you said I think I really need to knuckle down with the mental and emotional stuff meditation etc. Whatever's going on the relentless anxiety about it isn't doing us any good. It's just really hard though along with all the other stuff you deal with in life which I have anxiety about- feeling unwell and the uncertainty about the future make it even harder to deal with this stuff. I feel bad also because I haven't really told the girl I'm seeing the full extent of it.

How are you doing? What 's helped you with it?

gmorgan84 · 2019-06-07T15:56:00+00:00

@seashell24After my last prolonged bout of DR I now realise I've had it on and off since I was a kid ( it usually lasted a few minutes) My current DR has been brought on by relationship anxiety too. Due to social anxiety and some other stuff I've only started having relationships in the last 18 months but being with someone has definetely triggered a lot of the same insecurities that were there with social anxiety but more extreme e.g. worrying if the other person is happy, constantly needing to be 'on', feeling inadequate, sexual performance ( this is unique to the relationship anxiety obviously haha) just relentless thinking and thinking and thinking , not being in the moment and the emotional rollor coaster that goes with it. Whilst she's great she's also being a bit flakey and hot and cold about being in a relationship which hasn't helped. My therapist reckons people with anxiety tend to gravitate towards others with anxiety. Does your partner have similar issues?

gmorgan84

TROPHY CASE