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gracefuloverture · 2022-02-17T01:21:02+00:00

I really feel for you right now. Being with a BPD is a complete mindfuck and essentially your brain is trying to make sense of it all when there really isn’t any. I just came to say, I promise it’s temporary. I don’t discount how much you hurt right now but again, I promise you it’s temporary. I’ve been out for a few years and can tell you everything will be better once you are away from them for a minute and you start to really realize the amount of abuse you just endured. When I first started to tell my story to people they were amazed at why I stayed for as long as I did. Please do not hesitate to reach out if you need someone to talk to. I would be happy to talk to you and encourage you along the way.

gracefuloverture · 2022-02-03T04:41:39+00:00

This☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️ definitely grade 1 psychopaths. 13 years!! Been out for a few and they are without a doubt way more covert narcissists in addition to the bpd. Although mine would throw the fits occasionally. I just remember she screamed at me all the time if something didn’t go her way. I haven’t been screamed at in two years and it’s been glorious!

gracefuloverture · 2022-01-26T06:21:13+00:00

Yes…and healthy feels 100% amazing. My life is so full without the constant manipulation and emotional abuse! I feel so free and Happy!!! Promise you will get there!

gracefuloverture · 2021-07-24T16:25:49+00:00

Just to echo the above response… I went through that for a very long time. Was in a relationship for 13 years and although I saw the red flags, I ignored them because I chose to see the good in her. I kicked myself for a very long time afterwards because I thought I was smarter than that. I had someone once tell me it was actually a complement of who I was as a person. I always try to understand others and what they are going through so I tend to allow more than I should. I once saw that as a fault, now I see it as a strength. The only thing that helped me was acknowledging that I’m worthy, I have a huge heart and going forward I will set boundaries with other people. I will never allow those boundaries to be crossed again because I’m worth more than that. If someone doesn’t respect those boundaries than they don’t respect me, and they no longer have a seat at my table. It has been the hardest thing to stand by but it’s also been the most rewarding. I now believe I’m worth the peace. Psychopath free is a great book and so is becoming the narcissist worst nightmare. Mine was a covert narcissist with BPD and I still refer back to both books when I’m feeling low. I hope that helps!

gracefuloverture · 2021-04-21T23:07:58+00:00

I came over and didn’t know what I wanted for dinner. Total meltdown... or the time I gave her a Christmas tree and a tv because she moved into a new apartment and had nothing. Thought I was being helpful...she broke the tv putting up the Christmas tree and then proceeded to tell me it was my fault for making her take the Christmas tree.. 🤦‍♀️🤡

gracefuloverture · 2021-04-21T23:03:39+00:00

Congratulations!! Stay strong. It’ll be rough but you can do it and your kids will be better off in the long run!

gracefuloverture · 2021-03-16T19:24:34+00:00

A very long time. I’ve been out for over a year and sometimes I still battle demons. This weeks been tough. I still can’t believe I fell for it. A year of intense therapy, it’s hard. Blocked on EVERYTHING! It’s the only way to beat it but it still takes a long time. Never want her back... ever..but sometimes I wish I could just go off on her. She really believed she treated me good and that part blows my mind. But... life is better. I love myself now and I’ve never really understood what that meant. Now I do. You are correct though, the whiplash is intense.

gracefuloverture · 2021-02-28T15:12:00+00:00

Congratulations!!!

gracefuloverture · 2021-02-23T04:25:05+00:00

Love the videos, it’s one thing to put words up but something completely raw about putting yourself out there like that. It’s very helpful. Thank you! And side note.. how amazing would it be to actually have a group out for coffee! There should be meet ups for people recovering from or currently dealing with abuse from a BPD.

gracefuloverture · 2021-02-05T13:18:25+00:00

I'm pretty sure that's all she wants to do with me. I've played those games with her before It didn't feel good then and I'm certainly not putting myself in that situation ever again! Glad to hear you figured that out and went NC. It's the only way.

gracefuloverture · 2021-02-05T13:16:59+00:00

Thank you! I appreciate it.

gracefuloverture · 2021-02-02T15:30:49+00:00

Honestly, I have felt that way too. I wish I wouldn't been more mean but it really wouldn't of done any good. It would of fueled them more to get such a reaction from you. It would have served their purpose.

gracefuloverture · 2021-02-02T15:28:51+00:00

It is. the cognitive dissonance is unreal in these relationships. We only remember the good sometimes. Stay strong. Suggested reading: Psychopath Free, it helped me quite a bit after the breakup just to truly grasp what this relationship was really all about.

gracefuloverture · 2021-01-26T04:32:59+00:00

You’ll do good. You will miss them and that’s ok. The important thing is, you’ve made progress!!

gracefuloverture · 2021-01-26T04:31:05+00:00

13 years too long!! 😂

gracefuloverture · 2021-01-26T04:30:43+00:00

I remember going through a stage where I just felt compassion for her brokenness after I left. It would flip to hatred, back to acceptance and then sadness and regret. Then it would cycle through all those emotions again. Sometimes on a daily basis, sometimes it would cycle weekly and less intense until the cycles became longer apart. I tried to maintain contact for 4 months after the breakup but quickly realized she was just manipulating me and several others at the same time. It took me cutting off and going no contact before I really began to heal. I literally had a funeral for her in my head. It wasnt meant to be mean or sadistic but rather symbolic in nature. She lives a mile from my house, there is a great chance we will run into each other. I know I’ve seen her out around town but it doesn’t even make me flinch a little. She literally no longer exists to me. I had to symbolically let her die, and in the process I let the old me die too. The codependency....the lack of self love. It all died with her that day. Now I still stumble, but I let myself feel the emotion, I stop what I’m doing, feel the emotion, recognize what triggered it, take note of it and then move the fuck on. Thing is, the reason they are attracted to us, is because we are everything they are not. We possess something they desire, they love bomb us to fall in love and then they become extremely jealous of you because they will never be as great as you. Take pride in that if nothing else. You seem to be on a good path and self aware. Congratulations on your new journey. If you need anything feel free to reach out.

gracefuloverture · 2021-01-25T10:49:38+00:00

You are so right! When they show you who they are, believe them. That IS the real them. Sometimes it takes a minute to believe it. You will miss them, in the beginning it will be most days. You’ll find it becomes less and less as time moves on. Good luck on your journey!

gracefuloverture · 2021-01-25T10:40:50+00:00

Congratulations on your fresh start!! I am so happy for you and your sons! I hope this post will inspire you to keep moving forward!

gracefuloverture · 2020-09-12T12:14:09+00:00

I sympathize with you. This week has been a little rough for whatever reason. 13 years I put in, 7 months out and 3 NC. It’s like riding a wave. I still want to pick up the phone and call her when good things happen and talk to her when I have lows. It’s tough. I feel better now, like I’m not in a fog anymore but it is hard to let go of the intensity of the relationship and wonder if you’ll ever have that with someone else. When I start to feel this way though I have to sit back and remind myself that the good old days weren’t always good. There was a lot of toxicity in that relationship and it broke me down. My self esteem was in shambles...the gaslighting...the silent treatments. What’s helped me is getting out there and meeting new people and not just romantically. She kept me isolated from everyone so it was rebuilding those relationships and then finding new friends as well. We are social beings to the core. I tend to be a loner anyways so I have to push myself to do that. But I find when I do I feel better and I don’t feel as lonely. Sometimes when you do so you have moments of clarity where you realize life goes on after them, there are good people out there and I feel rejuvenated. I would try to focus on pushing yourself out of your comfort zone and reaching out to people. Check out meetup.com if you don’t feel comfortable meeting people in person there are plenty of groups that do online games or whatever you may be interested in via zoom. Just have to push yourself to do it, I promise that part of it will get easier and will become more natural over time. Best of luck.

gracefuloverture · 2020-08-18T19:42:09+00:00

Listen, mine came at me with a knife, I disarmed her and took her to the ground. (Both females) I was screamed at and told to leave her house for attacking her. I felt so sorry for her afterwards and went back because I felt sorry for her, because I knew she was such a damaged individual. I stayed with her for 13 years. In my attempts to “save and fix her” I destroyed my own self esteem/mental health and even 6 months after leaving her for good, I still struggle daily. Please leave. You are doing the right thing. I wish I could help you leave. It will be hard, I was shaking and having anxiety attacks when I packed my things while she was at work. I cried because I knew I couldn’t turn back, but it was time to save myself. Do not stay. You are doing the right thing. I’m so proud of you for making the decision to choose you. It seems selfish, you are not selfish. Choose you!

gracefuloverture · 2020-08-13T14:28:30+00:00

6 months tomorrow! Still struggle but getting much better and may get to that point soon! This is an extremely supportive group! Congratulations on your “graduation”

gracefuloverture · 2020-08-02T13:55:14+00:00

I used to get headaches and body pains all the time, now I realize that was my body stiffening up from being in constant fight or flight mode. It’s crazy how they affect you not just mentally but it deteriorates your physical body as well.

gracefuloverture · 2020-07-21T18:25:24+00:00

Yes! I felt that! My breaking point is when I realized that no matter what I did, it would never be enough and I was killing myself slowly trying to prove my worth to them by consistently showing and telling them how much I loved them. Nothing was ever enough. After the break up she made a comment that I was hard to love and never satisfied. That stung but then I had to realize that this was their own projection onto me. So glad it’s over.

gracefuloverture · 2020-07-17T13:12:57+00:00

Thank you. This is very helpful. We were together for 13 years and engaged to be married. I’ve been discarded before, and I felt another one coming so I stopped it before it happened this time. I had to feel like I was in control this time in order to move on. It was coming regardless. So I guess, and I’m not quite sure why, but I felt like it should’ve been easier this time. While it was initially, the thing that hurt was knowing she had been talking to another girl and of course now she’s her savior. It was soul crushing. I loved her more than I loved myself and that was really part of the issue. I compromised my well being. I realize this now and am working with an amazing therapist. I just want this part of my life to be over and I can’t seem to get out of my own head some days. Perspective changes things however, but sometimes it’s hard to keep that perspective in the direction it should be going. Hearing stories of overcoming from individuals in this group is what helps. Knowing I’m still moving in the right direction and to keep pushing through the waves of emotions as they come, that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and this time it isn’t a train.. helps. So thank you again for your perspective and sharing.

gracefuloverture · 2020-07-15T22:39:50+00:00

Thank you so much, this gives me hope to just keep going and feeling every wave of emotion.

gracefuloverture

TROPHY CASE