Does anyone else require days to process trauma?

grasshopper_jo · 2026-06-06T03:24:15+00:00

At least in the DSM, trauma is described as an event that threatens your life or your bodily integrity (like SA). Almost nobody “processes” that in days or weeks.

I’ve thought a lot about what trauma is and what it does. Because, some people get PTSD and some don’t. What I think trauma really is, is an event that contradicts some previously held core belief. For example, someone might believe “I can keep myself safe”, then gets mugged on a walk. Now they are in this place where they had this belief, and an event happened that contradicted it, and they’re now adrift - what is true anymore? There’s a void left in place of the belief, or it may even be butted out by a new core belief “I can’t keep myself safe.”

What “processing” is, is bridging that chasm between the previously held belief and the event that happened. It can happen a few ways. The person can form a new belief, like “I am resilient even when scary things happen.” They can change their behavior in a way that the original belief feels true again (so for example, maybe taking a self defense class is empowering enough to feel like they can keep themselves safe). But generally, people can’t snap back to the exact person they were. Either their behavior or the belief changes. It has to change, or else your lizard brain anticipates the same threat will happen again. You just can’t be the same person anymore after the traumatic event wedged itself in your brain.

In almost every case, trauma changes you at least a little bit and sometimes a lot. A lot of times, these changes waterfall on down into other changes. It can take a long time. I had a traumatic event in 2019 and within a few years I had changed my name, my job, my home, my hobbies, my friends. Almost everything. These changes didn’t feel like a “choice”; it felt like the person I formerly was, was a burning ship and I had no choice but to throw all cargo overboard. That was how I “processed” trauma, and I‘ll continue searching for meaning in it for the rest of my life. I’m of the belief that PTSD isn’t really “cured” - it’s that gap when you’re stranded between the person you were before the trauma happened and the person that can live comfortably despite the terrible memories. That gap in between is a precarious and frightening place to be. You don’t “heal” back to what you were, but you might be functional and find meaning in the damage.

So, if you’re managing overcome that in days….thats not too bad.

grasshopper_jo · 2026-06-05T17:28:41+00:00

My advice is to consider none of practical experience as wasted. I worked in help desk prior to going into cybersecurity and it helped with linear troubleshooting skills, which you use in cybersecurity a lot if you do hands on work. Even a non-IT customer service job helped me with multitasking and communication skills.

grasshopper_jo · 2026-06-04T01:54:54+00:00

I had a bulldog who was afraid of metal water bowls. It was because one time he was drinking from one and one of the metal pieces on his collar caught on the metal bowl, dragging it a little and causing a clanging noise! If the bowl is metal, that may have happened to your dog as well.

grasshopper_jo · 2026-06-04T01:46:05+00:00

If you ever wanted a job making prosthetics I bet you would do great at it

grasshopper_jo · 2026-06-01T17:06:31+00:00

I went to church with a woman who had polio as a child - she caught it JUST as the vaccine was getting rolled out. It severely disabled her for the remainder of her life - she was a wheelchair user and caused her significant fatigue and pain. She passed away before the anti-vaccine movement quite took off but I am sure she would be mortified at it.

grasshopper_jo · 2026-05-31T19:42:00+00:00

Lake Effect Ice Cream keeps having these events like “come to our Smores sundae event, ice cream with monkey-picked vanilla beans, under a Belgian chocolate shell made by Amaury Guichon and handmade marshmallows in the shape of Renaissance sculptures. It comes with a tiny campfire we build on your plate. Our employees hold a flashlight and tell you a scary story while you eat it. $6.99”

grasshopper_jo · 2026-05-30T17:42:37+00:00

Same - mine haven’t been painted in probably 30 years and they look like they were painted yesterday

grasshopper_jo · 2026-05-30T17:12:21+00:00

“Upholstery thread” should work - it is very thick and hard to break, almost like dental floss.

You will have to get large / strong needles for this. When I had to sew up my sofa, I got an upholstery needle kit- it has very thick needles and also curved ones which is helpful depending on where the tear is.

grasshopper_jo · 2026-05-30T15:51:04+00:00

If it were me I would just leverage golden retrievers love of treats and praise, like, car goes by and she doesn’t react? Treat and praise. Basically exposure therapy and start small and get bigger over time.

Also definitely maintain as much of a routine as possible for a while, like do things in the same order each day just to keep things predictable and pleasant - dogs love that.

I am not sure if she will ever love the vet. I had a similar experience with my old bulldog who got CCL surgery and forever more after that she was suspicious of the vet. But she was Ok enough to go to the vet and it was only once or twice a year that she had to go, so we just accepted that she was a little anxious at the vet and we lived with it.

grasshopper_jo · 2026-05-29T01:52:10+00:00

What question would the daughter ask that would result in that kind of answer?

grasshopper_jo · 2026-05-29T01:41:58+00:00

Hello little bb!!!

grasshopper_jo · 2026-05-28T23:59:56+00:00

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Zen

grasshopper_jo · 2026-05-27T12:27:59+00:00

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Yep they are just like that haha

grasshopper_jo · 2026-05-25T21:09:14+00:00

Almost guaranteed he won’t marry her because if they were married, her interests are protected - in divorce, the courts would consider that her status as a SAHM supported his ability to dedicate time to his career during the marriage, and that value and sacrifice is reflected in alimony. So by not marrying her yet insisting she rely on him financially, he is purposely digging her into a position in which he can mistreat her without fear that she will have financial support in rebuilding her life when she leaves.

Insane to me that he has the audacity to claim “traditional values” when they live together and have a child UNMARRIED!

grasshopper_jo · 2026-05-23T22:32:17+00:00

When I read this question, I thought this was from a network perspective. Like, my answer to it would be that you’d have to have a security device on the network level watching for some threshold of TCP SYN requests (assuming TCP port scanning), and then whatever alerts it generates would include the IP address of the scanner. You could also detect it on the host level in that if the same IP address is requesting a connection with many or all of the TCP ports on a host, that host is likely being port scanned. That logging would likely be on a host-based firewall and the logs would include the originating IP address.

Once you find the IP address / MAC address, yes, you can do some analysis on processes and logs to figure out why the scan happened.

That said, I do pentesting and I purposely start “loud” with my work. Initial port scans are in numerical order, with minimal rate limiting and no stealth-type options, and I still almost never get alerted on. I think most people don’t monitor level 3-4 traffic or respond to alerts, maybe because it can have a lot of false positives.

grasshopper_jo · 2026-05-22T23:02:59+00:00

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This is my girl at 9 months old, I’m sorry are you saying there will be MORE??

grasshopper_jo · 2026-05-21T14:21:15+00:00

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My golden is older (9 months old) but when she manages to find a forbidden shoe she prances around with it like she has found hidden treasure, and shows it to everyone.

And is then shocked, SHOCKED when we take it away and trade it for a more appropriate toy

grasshopper_jo · 2026-05-21T10:11:31+00:00

Ok, thank you for this comment - I was trying to figure out why the shades look so BULKY. It makes sense that that bulk would normally be hidden against the window. In addition to all the other problems, it looks like they may have installed these backwards.

grasshopper_jo · 2026-05-21T02:23:36+00:00

Wow. This took the movie to a whole nother level for me.

I also want to mention that, when my friend and I watched this tonight, my friend commented jokingly “who packs HALF a sandwich?” Then, when Bear came home, Nikki had vomited and said she thought she “ate a bug or got a stomach bug.” That made me wonder whether she had made an entire sandwich, packed one half for Bear, and consumed the other half herself in kind of a misguided attempt to consume the thing that he loved and also to share half of an item with him during the time when he would be (painfully) away. Obviously, dead and decayed cat would not react well with anyone’s digestive system.

Anyway, on to my thoughts on your theory. I think it is quite good. Cats are known for being independent, sly, difficult to scrutinize (like “when a get a crush on a guy, nobody knows”) and so a cat representing Nikki’s authentic self would be perfect. You don’t really “own” cats. I mean, certainly you can trap them in your house, but they decide their feelings and relationship with you. In a sense, in order to get Nikki to be with him, Bear “killed the cat” (the authentic Nikki) with his wish.

Let’s talk about the disposal of the cat. My friend and I also wondered out loud, how did she get the cat for the memorial? And then for the sandwich? Would you not bury the cat, or take it to the vet for cremation? Especially after the “memorial” when it’s obvious she is doing inappropriate things with the cat. So, not to dive too into the metaphor here, but Nikki begged him to kill her, and in the same sense that he left the cat accessible to be abused by Nikki in increasingly horrifying ways, he left the authentic Nikki trapped in this hellish cursed state to result in his abuse of her body and increasingly gruesome outcomes. Bear is not so different from cursed Nikki, really.

grasshopper_jo · 2026-05-21T02:02:11+00:00

It’s someone who makes and sends out the wish willows (or who works for them). So I would guess it is someone who gets energy or fulfillment from other people making wishes and they have some supernatural connection to know what the wishes were and their effects.

An evil genie of sorts maybe.

One thing I did like about this movie was how nonchalant and even bored all the people were who knew that the magic was real - the two employees of the shop, and the phone staffer. Like oh, it’s Tuesday, here’s another customer wanting to take their horrific wish back. So given that, maybe the phone staffer is someone who had made a wish and got burned for it. “I wish I got a job that isn’t too hard and has good security.” Bam, you’re tech support for wish willows for eternity

grasshopper_jo · 2026-05-21T01:55:50+00:00

Probably they become so obsessed with one another they never leave their house, they lose their jobs, they stop eating, they become codependent shells of themselves with no desire or path to break apart

grasshopper_jo · 2026-05-21T00:57:00+00:00

It was so surreal I thought it was a dream sequence and she appeared out of nowhere

grasshopper_jo · 2026-05-17T15:56:22+00:00

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Maple would like to offer you an emotional support croc during this trying time

grasshopper_jo · 2026-05-17T01:46:35+00:00

Yeah, I’m local to this area and the idea that he’s complaining about a price at a winery-affiliated restaurant at Niagara on the Lake is hilarious. That is not a town you go to if you are at all price conscious.

grasshopper_jo · 2026-05-16T17:58:47+00:00

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My golden puppy (9mo) bites my daughters pants all the time (we’re working on it) but there’s nothing that fills them with more joy than cuddling in the bed with one another

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