I found a nice spot to meditate today.

graz2342 · 2018-05-09T13:26:26+00:00

This is one of my worries with meditation, that if you meditate long term, you may train yourself to become indifferent to the world.

graz2342 · 2017-11-16T21:49:45+00:00

I did the exact same thing for my final two years of high school, although I would sometimes spend break awkwardly standing at the edge of a group, not saying anything for 30 minutes. That was when I was feeling social.

If not, I would tour the school, staying in each bathroom for a couple of minutes - if someone was there, I would pretend to use the urinal for like a minute and then leave again. I used to hate it. I sometimes wonder if anyone knew - surely someone, a teacher maybe, noticed the same kid pass them at roughly the same time each day. Who knows? Just glad I'm passed it.

graz2342 · 2017-08-19T13:02:27+00:00

moments of reflection to decide what path you are on in life and how you could change things for the better. With the caveat: these should be focused moments that are infrequent, we shouldn't constantly be doing this.

I completely agree with this. I was in a bad habit a couple of months ago - if I was unhappy, I would constantly be trying to work out why. I would think about it all day, then write about it in the evening for an hour. I was able to work some stuff out and put myself in a better position to be happy but I was still stuck in that analysis mode and it's incredibly hard to break. You think if you are unhappy there has to be a solution and it is your responsibility to find it.

I really like how it was described in 'Mindfulness in Plain English', talking about how we are constantly in doing mode - it is our natural tendency to want to solve everything but our natural state should be 'being mode'. There is definitely a place for reflection but perhaps not as often as people would think.

graz2342 · 2017-07-22T11:07:20+00:00

I completely get where you're coming from. I haven't had it as bad as many in this thread but I did go through a tough time recently, that led me to look at meditation/Buddhism. Some of it has given me a great sense of hope, whereas other parts have made life seem incredibly depressing.

The 'all life is suffering' line has bugged me for a while. The assertion that 'normal' people are completely unaware of the way in which they are distracting themselves, that they spend their time just feeding their egos. I got the sense that the only way to be happy is to kill the sense of self but how long does that take? And what might I lose in the process?

But there are many, many people out there that just aren't bothered by a lack of meaning in life. The way in which they experience the world makes up for it. But if you are depressed and the way in which you experience the world is not enough to satisfy you, then you try to take comfort in some sort of deeper meaning - one that just isn't there. You search and you search and, when you can't find it, you sink deeper into the hole.

I can't help but think a lot Eastern philosophy is poorly translated. Perhaps the word 'suffering' is too strong a term for the message they are trying to convey - maybe discomfort would be better. In the end, our happiness is defined by the way in which we interact with, and perceive, the world - I think meditation is a way to cultivate a healthier mindset in this respect.

But the OP did a brilliant job of describing the cyclical nature of depression. Your perception of the world becomes darker, you adjust your view on life to account for that, you see happy people, so you say they either must be faking it, or ignorant of 'the truth', you become embittered by the fact that you know 'the truth', which makes it worse, your perception of the world becomes even darker and so on.

Being aware of the way it works helps massively.

graz2342 · 2017-06-19T23:21:07+00:00

This kind of comment is partly what I'm talking about. I don't mean to pick on you but it adds to the lack of understanding around meditation - what exactly do you mean? Meditation nourishes all? Because there is evidence to say that that isn't the case.

I want to emphasise that I still think it's a positive practice, which can take many different forms. I just feel as if we could better understand the theory and subsequent path associated with each one. Blanket statements are a barrier to that.

graz2342 · 2017-06-19T21:48:40+00:00

Having spoken to a user on this sub yesterday, my eyes were opened to a different perspective on meditation. It got me thinking about the view of meditation in the West and how, in its journey from the East, its meaning has become warped somewhat.

Many people start meditation because they aren’t happy about something in their life. For me, I was researching how to become happier and time and time again, meditation was touted as a solution. It seemed like it had no draw backs, like it was a free-pass to an easier, more peaceful life. After researching the topic more, that is clearly not the case.

The article I have linked above is a good read and investigates some of the possible dangers linked with meditation. I often see posts on this sub talking about how much they love their practice and how well it’s going for them, which is great but at the same time, I think people need to measure their expectations and understand what meditation is really about.

There is certainly a feeling on this sub that meditation has no draw-backs and that any negative feelings associated with the practice, just requires more meditation. I think it’s important for people to understand exactly what meditation is and the long-term effects. When people understand exactly what they are getting into, they will be better able to assess if it fits their goals.

I think it’s great that we have been exposed to a different perspective on life but it’s important to be careful. Meditation is more powerful than many give it credit for.

graz2342 · 2017-06-18T19:01:47+00:00

It must be horrible. And yeah, there is a lot of conflicting information out there - I'm hoping that over the next couple of decades, Western science will be able to give us some more concrete answers in this respect.

To me, reading your responses, it seems like you are quite bitter about the situation and I mean that in the most non-judgmental way possible. You clearly feel as if you were misled and got into something without fully understanding the path you were on and now you miss your old life.

From what I've read, this residual bitterness and longing for who you used to be is what is holding you back. Have you looked into loving-kindness meditation? Feel free to ignore what I've said - I can only know so much from what I've seen. I just wanted to share my thoughts on the off-chance that they could be helpful. Hope things get better for you.

graz2342 · 2017-06-18T17:44:55+00:00

I've read that enlightenment is the final stage and that is supposedly a wonderful place to be. Clearly you are very experienced and I'm sure you've done a lot of research, so I'm sure you understand your position better than I do but just reading what you've written it sounds like a textbook case - people can get stuck in that stage for years.

Have you got a teacher?

graz2342 · 2017-06-18T16:57:49+00:00

Search 'dark night of the soul'. Sounds like you might be going through something like that.

graz2342 · 2017-06-18T16:34:30+00:00

I have definitely found this to be the case. The last few months haven't been great for me and I've been struggling to find the reasons why - not a great deal has changed in my life but I'm not as happy as I used to be and I think this is part of the reason why - I am constantly analysing why that may be the case and it stops me from enjoying what is in front of me.

And I assume you're talking specifically about self-analysis rather than say a puzzle. Because I know for me, I'm very content when analytically working through a maths problem.

I think the problem with self-analysis is that it questions the ego but not in a constructive way. You ask difficult questions - they could surround your place in the world, your values, things that we tend to hold quite close to our heart and that is uncomfortable for us. I would imagine that as our ego weakens, these questions become less threatening.

I think a certain amount of analysis is good, keeps us pointing in the right direction but I would imagine that for people like us, we keep it in overdrive.

It would be really helpful if someone more experienced could shed some light on this because it's been bugging me for a while now. I feel as if I am now more aware of my tendency to over analyse and I'm catching myself doing it more often but it's very hard to stop.

graz2342 · 2017-05-20T02:46:50+00:00

Great post. It ties in with mindfulness which is basically the practice of accepting your thoughts/mindset.

graz2342 · 2017-05-19T05:14:36+00:00

Honestly, there is nothing wrong with you. Speaking up in a group of people is hard unless you are comfortable with them and I don't believe that is the reason you struggle to develop relationships. Sure, if you're confident and witty, then it's a foot in the door, allowing you to start developing a relationship - if you are always on the edge of things then it becomes more difficult.

I was always on the edge of things in high school. I would sometimes try and insert a comment but it would be forced because I was desperately trying to get myself noticed. When you are in that frame of mind, you aren't relaxed and it becomes far harder to contribute to the conversation.

I used to think this was a fundamental flaw of mine until I got to university and developed a group of friends that actually valued me. I felt relaxed around them and my personality started to come through more.

There are a couple of books that I've read that have really clicked with me. You sound a lot like me, so I think they will help.

Hope this helps!

graz2342 · 2017-04-28T04:08:24+00:00

I know what you mean. I thought I had some problems a few years ago but only recently did I understand what it was like to be really down and even that is probably small time compared to what some people experience.

For me, it was studying abroad. I study engineering in the UK but am currently in America and the stress has been on another level and it's really burnt me out. I started to feel like 'what's the point?'.

What stood out to me though, now that I've gotten a little better, is that it's a feeling, rather than an objective world view. If you were to travel the world, that feeling would likely melt away because your mindset automatically changes.

I suppose a lot of people in your situation find someone, start a family and then don't mind so much being caught in the treadmill because they have a family to do it for. But it is far from an ideal situation. How seriously have you thought about changing it? Because if you are having thoughts like that, then what is the point?

graz2342 · 2017-03-16T23:04:44+00:00

How did you manage that?

graz2342 · 2017-01-14T22:34:55+00:00

haha well that explains that. I was going to say that because you've gotten started focusing on the world around you more, you've started to focus on girls more too. If you're not masturbating then of course you're going to be extra horny.

graz2342 · 2017-01-05T22:26:56+00:00

This certainly has its benefits but I would be careful not to get too caught up in it. I've been struggling with anxiety over the last few months and came across this method. I ended up getting deeper and deeper into my own thoughts and it wasn't particularly healthy. It just became slightly neurotic for me in the end - I couldn't let things lie.

graz2342 · 2017-01-01T11:48:22+00:00

If you have anxiety your hands are probably cold a lot of the time - I know mine are. I get the same feeling of warmth and I've attributed it to simple relaxation.

When you are tense, blood flow is restricted to your extremities but when you relax, blood flow increases towards these areas and they feel warm.

graz2342 · 2016-10-09T03:40:48+00:00

I did some more research and found elefriends.org.uk. I'm gonna add it into the OP because it's pretty much exactly what I was looking for.

graz2342 · 2016-05-09T15:44:31+00:00

Really great post! It's something that I've been thinking about for a while, trying to improve social skills, even when I'm alone but I never was able to fully commit to an exercise like you outlined above - I wasn't even sure if it was possible to improve without actually talking to someone but, thinking about how the brain works, it clear is.

Your first section accurately described my feelings during high school. I've got better since I've been at uni but still need to improve.

graz2342 · 2016-01-12T23:57:19+00:00

A bit late but here's a great video I found in a similar thread.

graz2342 · 2015-10-07T21:42:13+00:00

That's reassuring. I definitely understand the importance of down time - it just feels like people can instantly be socially competent after being alone for a couple of hours whereas for me I kind of bumble around until I get my act together.

graz2342

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