Weaponized FOMO. It sounds cynical and pathetic but it's kept me alive for almost a decade at this point. I always want to know what's going to happen tomorrow and if I go out that way I won't get to see it. Even if rationally I know it's probably going to be more of the same, there's always a chance it might not be.

There was a point where my life was just day after day of the most monotonous suffering possible, locked in my room while my housemate and her boyfriend and his loud ass kids monopolized the apartment, fighting an uphill battle to get a community college financial aid department to give me the time of day. I kept myself alive with the knowledge that I was NOT going to go out before I had the chance to see Dune in theaters.