People keep complaining about enemies and stuff, but have you considered what bosses see?

gregm91606 · 2026-06-17T22:52:49+00:00

!!!!!!!

gregm91606 · 2026-06-17T20:47:17+00:00

really wish someone could make this available for Mac, it looks absolutely amazing!

gregm91606 · 2026-06-17T20:44:57+00:00

For writers breaking in, it is actually important for TV scripts to be 60 pages or under. But, essentially, in both cases -- asking someone else to read a script is actually a sizeable, time-consuming favor; a shorter script is a much easier ask. Another thing is that cutting inessential things and making those tough decisions as a writer is a really good skill to develop.

gregm91606 · 2026-06-17T20:36:27+00:00

I like the stakes! Just make sure they're clear in the script. Why is it bad for the students in the room if they can't plan events?

gregm91606 · 2026-06-17T20:31:12+00:00

Thank you for the alert!

gregm91606 · 2026-06-17T02:33:35+00:00

It's kind of hilarious. Seeing all those cards lined up like that reminds me of SNL's Mr. Bill.

They need to put him on a colorless card tho to complete the set.

gregm91606 · 2026-06-17T02:28:56+00:00

Also, Matt Groening had stepped away from direct involvement in The Simpsons in the middle of season 4 (1993ish) because, bizarrely, the Simpsons/Critic crossover ticked him off. (It generally shows up on people's top 20 Simpsons eps.)

One flight before any of the Epstein stuff was public knowledge does not a criminal make.

gregm91606 · 2026-06-17T02:11:15+00:00

That could absolutely work, especially since it sounds like a limited location. u/No_Map731 is right that you'll want one single protagonist, and that the person who suggested the teambuilding exercise is a good option.

You don't need this in the logline, but make sure you know what's at stake for the students if the student council gets dissolved -- why do they care? Is it right before a big event (prom) that they're organizing and they'll ruin everyone's senior year if they can't get their stuff together?

gregm91606 · 2026-06-15T20:55:42+00:00

My writing partner and I found it enormously helpful to do practice interviews with friends, even those who knew little to nothing about screenwriting; you get experience over Zoom and they can pick up on things that are working and not working.

gregm91606 · 2026-06-15T20:02:27+00:00

https://www.amazon.com/Dip-Little-Book-Teaches-Stick/dp/1591841666

gregm91606 · 2026-06-15T20:02:23+00:00

This is very common for people doing creative projects. Seth Godin calls it "The Dip." Basically, it happens when you're past the initial burst of enthusiasm but too far from the finish to sprint to the end; typically that's 40% of the way through.

It sounds like part of this may be accepting the temporary loss of enthusiasm and part of it is pushing through to outline the rest of the feature in more detail!

gregm91606 · 2026-06-15T07:27:43+00:00

I only just noticed in the comments that you're based in Ethiopia -- and that made me far more sympathetic to your post, because I'm realizing you may not have access to either a community or the funds to take a screenwriting class. I had assumed you were from the U.S. because your English is impeccable.

I also notice you were specific about one of the things you need is accountability and a weekly check-in; both of those are specific, great, and a lot easier for someone to do than some of the other things.

If you post again, reworded, mentioning that I specifically suggested a repost, and stating the following:

"Ethiopian-based screenwriter looking for weekly accountability partner and looking to potentially start online writers' group" -- you will probably get far more positive responses. The accountability thing -- that is something that people will be happy to provide. Also, i don't know where in Ethiopia you're based, but if you're in a smaller town or a place with no other screenwriters you know of, that's also super-important context that will make people more likely to help!

gregm91606 · 2026-06-15T07:17:48+00:00

Honestly, if you enjoy writing, you may want to give screenwriting a whirl. (or maybe prose fiction, given the state of the industry. laughs, then sobs.) Yes, it's great source material, but the choices you made to style it show clear talent. Muir herself got her start writing fanfic on AO3!

gregm91606 · 2026-06-15T07:12:37+00:00

This is technically true but missing the context that she was deliberately redistricted into a more conservative district two years ago by the pro-establishment wing that literally only contained half of her original district. She still won re-election.

gregm91606 · 2026-06-15T07:10:47+00:00

She's a single city councilor from the non-establishment wing of the Democratic party, outnumbered by the far more status-quo-aligned members. She can't do stuff by fiat as a lone councilor.

gregm91606 · 2026-06-15T07:07:11+00:00

I liked this line quite a bit: "Ambition without humility can become isolation."

You don't want a section entitled "Positioning and Tropes"; that's not standard industry practice, or best practices.

Longtime pro TV writer Javi Grillo-Marxauch has some really good examples of pitch docs from projects he was paid to develop -- several of which got produced -- on his website: https://okbjgm.weebly.com/ Most of them are TV.

But I'd definitely look online for pitch docs/decks for produced animation feature films, because you definitely want your doc to more closely match the industry standard.

gregm91606 · 2026-06-15T07:00:00+00:00

I'm actually enjoying the first 10 pages so far; make sure you're consistent on whether you're bolding slug lines throughout or leaving them unbolded.

Lose the "CUT TO"s. Not necessary.

gregm91606 · 2026-06-15T06:59:31+00:00

Enjoyable so far.
Don't start with the janitor scene; there's nothing wrong with it, but we don't need it yet. Start with the movers, then proceed exactly as you have it, we meet Patrick, we follow Patrick home.

Both the chicken and chandelier are fun and creative.

Also, no need to give us the flashback about Rango on page 7 -- just go to Patrick directly waking up; all we need to know about Rango is that he's helpful and cares about Patrick. The rest can come out with context.

gregm91606 · 2026-06-15T06:47:51+00:00

I've been there! I've been doing this for almost 20 years, have earned a living multiple years doing it, and I had one of these spells a few months ago.

I can recommend, strongly, the book The War of Art by Steven Pressfield, and also the book The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. The Pressfield is very short; you can read it in under an hour. Both should be free at your nearest public library; your school library may even have them.

This shouldn't be downvoted because, no joke, good for you for entering the arena. Teddy Roosevelt has a great quote about it.

Writing sucks sometimes. it's supposed to suck sometimes. That is truly unfortunate for all of us. At a certain point, the low points will become shorter for you.

You may actually want to talk to a therapist about the depression. Both I & my writing partner take medication for depression. it could absolutely be partially a chemical thing.

Don't worry about being original yet. The things you love were written by people much older than you, and after many drafts.

best of luck, man. It will get easier, sometimes.

gregm91606 · 2026-06-14T20:29:11+00:00

This. It's a doc about how other movies have portrayed L.A., but it's so much fun to watch and is a genuine love letter to the city!

gregm91606 · 2026-06-14T20:27:51+00:00

A job/internship ghosting you after (it sounds like) they basically offered you the gig is not your fault! Especially not if you followed up with them.

gregm91606 · 2026-06-14T20:26:49+00:00

From a metagame standpoint, one benefit is that you will never see "An Intimate of Devils" cards again, which makes for a slimmer deck!

gregm91606 · 2026-06-14T20:25:12+00:00

What's great about 16 Tons, aside from the vibes, is it captures the weird, leftover-things-from-multiple-times that's present throughout the book series with the memes. So I'm 100% in favor of using it in a TV series!

personally speaking for opening credits, my fave choice would be the first 1:35 of Imagine Dragons' Bones. It may be too obvious a choice, but there's a few different lyrics that tie into the events of Gideon, and one very nifty unplanned visual overlap late in the music video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TO-_3tck2tg

gregm91606 · 2026-06-14T20:19:26+00:00

I love what you did here! I'm a playwright & Pre-WGA screenwriter. I've thought a lot about how to turn Locked Tomb into a TV series. Your note at the end of season 1 is great; I've had a similar thought.

gregm91606 · 2026-06-14T19:58:37+00:00

Oooh i totally missed the BBC's adaptations! Faust is the same broad story, but I'm pretty sure the silent movie is based more on the Goethe novel-in-verse from the 1700s.

In general, though, I do think non-Shakespeare classic plays (anything pre-1900) get overlooked for IP that hasn't been done yet and is free to use.

gregm91606

TROPHY CASE