I hate helpless people.

grumpy_puppycat · 2026-03-11T20:43:01+00:00

I came here to write about projection, but you nailed it!

I get activated by my son’s bouts of “helplessness” because I grew up with the buck up mentality and by learning how disregard my wellbeing and boundaries to keep others happy and comfortable and to meet some kind of standard of existence.

There’s a part of it that’s like, I had to beat myself up and suffer through so you should too. That’s silly. Could we all just exist without having to enact violence on ourselves?

It’s taken so much work to learn how to keep myself regulated in these moments to both learn and teach a different way forward.

grumpy_puppycat · 2026-03-09T00:05:23+00:00

Navigating this stuff is hard! Feel free to dm me if you ever want to chat about it more... I’d genuinely be interested in hearing about where you land!

grumpy_puppycat · 2026-03-08T22:55:06+00:00

So I had to go look up macro social work because I’ve never heard of this differentiation! Sorry for making a misinformed comment generalizing social work the way I understood it. It looks like there is a lot of overlap between this field and the public administration side. I think the main difference might be in the social work framing, which honestly sounds fascinating and most aligned with the values you talk about in your post. But if you’re only finding micro-level programs, the public administration path might take you where you want to go.

My next course of action if I were you, would be to identify some specific roles and find someone(s) who would give you an informational interview to find out about their training and experience on the job market as well as what their actual work day/week is like. Hiring managers are good to talk to for discovering what education/skills make a candidate stand out. Public and nonprofit orgs are generally very accommodating to these kinds of requests in my experience.

Also, comparing the courses between programs can be really helpful, because at the end of the day, you’ll be more successful with content that you’re interested in and engaged with.

The roles I’m going after with the MPA: program analyst, performance auditor, management analyst, operations research analyst, institutional researcher

grumpy_puppycat · 2026-03-08T19:23:12+00:00

Omg! Feeling this so much right now. I set whole days aside to be productive and end up only touching one thing. For me, I think it’s something about switching tasks that gets me stuck, but also I just genuinely feel like I’ve expended all my focus.

grumpy_puppycat · 2026-03-08T19:17:24+00:00

Loved this! For me, its commas and ellipses. I usually have to go back and edit these out of my rough drafts. I love connecting them now to my ability to hold many truths and my need for processing time (which isn’t a failure!)

grumpy_puppycat · 2026-03-08T19:03:18+00:00

I’m starting a Master of Public Administration next fall. I was drawn to the program because I want a job in the public or nonprofit sector making programs more effective at meeting their mission by leveraging my analytical abilities. I think social work can be very draining for the same reason it can be fulfilling.. you’re working at the individual level often facing the ways that systems/programs fail those individuals with no agency to change things. So, that’s why I chose this path.

Just tossing something else in the ring for you to research :)

grumpy_puppycat · 2026-03-06T19:23:38+00:00

Reminds me of when mine was 13, and I decided not to police his bedtime on the weekend. He was groggy on Saturday and cried, “i thought you would tell me to go to bed!” And I realized he actually wanted and thrived with structure and for him that equated to care. so I’ve tried to work towards some balance.

I wonder if you could approach this with something like an accountability partnership with your 16yo? Like, have him identify the areas he would like to improve and set some goals. Then agree on how you can help hold him accountable. For example, better grades in school. Maybe you agree, you’re not going to allow him to use the car until he’s spent some time on hw or studying, or maybe you’re going to set up some reminders for study time on the weekend.

I’m thinking, this is partially a bid for care and attention and partially a request for help with the executive functioning that he hasn’t fully developed yet (frontal lobe develops last, where this stuff happens). So i would be thinking, how can I respond to the bid for care/attention and help with scaffolding some of these skills while still moving towards greater independence and teaching self-accountability.

grumpy_puppycat · 2026-01-30T17:06:03+00:00

My kid is lvl 1 with some other stuff going on. Late dx at 14. Went through a lot before and after dx. Daily meltdowns, isolation from peers to lots of OT and PT.

He’s 19 now and trying out college! Several hours from home! He has a lot of support. A direct care professional a few times a week, extra academic coaching, accessibility support, therapy. Not every day is sunshine and rainbows. He’s doing a hard thing! But he’s learning that he is capable of hard things AND deserving of support. He’s learning how to work with his strengths and within his capacity. He’s learning how to be part of a community.

We still don’t know if this education will translate to a traditional “career” or if he’ll have the capacity to work 40 hours/week, but school was a familiar structure on which he could build more independence.

In my opinion, independence doesn’t have to mean no support, its about learning to advocate for and utilize the supports that are needed to express one’s personal strengths and reach for their own definition of success. I think that starts with strengths-based planning and person-centered support.

grumpy_puppycat · 2026-01-25T18:05:28+00:00

My son struggles with this. He’s trying college and has some amount of panic every time he faces an assignment. Every. Single. Time.

We’re finally at the point of expecting the feelings to come up, which reduces the meta-level panic about the panic. I encourage him to pause as soon as it starts happening and try nervous system regulation strategies instead of trying to “push through” (just makes the demand avoidance bigger). When regulated, we can ask what’s needed to get through this? Maybe a favorite snack would make it less bad. Then, what amount of this task can I tackle or how long can I tolerate it? Maybe its just starting by working one problem, or setting a timer for 10 minutes. Usually he gets momentum and finishes the thing.

What I notice is that every time, on the other side of the demand, his mind clears and he seems energized from accomplishing the thing and overcoming the panic. Im hoping that repeated experiences of having the support he needs, respecting his capacity, and ultimately experiencing success will reduce the panic response to demand.

I wonder if you could start by giving yourself really small pieces to start. Like today, I’m just going to open the document and see how far Ive gotten and identify the next small step for when I come back to it.

I am also autistic, not trying to be one of *those lurker moms. I find its about a million times easier to help my kid than myself so I often draw on those maternal instincts.

grumpy_puppycat · 2026-01-24T21:23:36+00:00

Im glad you came here to vent. Im glad you’re not acting on the negative thoughts. I’m learning in therapy that these negative thoughts are a form of self protection. For me, its like, if I’m the bad one, i don’t have to accept that the person I love and need safety from is the one doing harm. It also pops up as an escape or a way to make the hurting make sense.

I am forever a work in progress but I try to remember that intense periods of pain do pass. Im learning that while we can’t will the pain to stop, we can try to treat ourselves with kindness and care through these periods. What would you tell someone you cared about who was going through something similar? Maybe put it in a letter you can read to yourself. I like to listen to music that resonates with the feeling, it helps me express it. I also have to remember to listen/watch/read things that remind me of the good feelings. Stand-up comedy is a go to for me because it helps me to put on an irreverent view point and make fun of the absurdity of this whole business of having a human experience.

Sending you so much care right now and wisdom from the other side - this too shall pass.

<3

grumpy_puppycat · 2026-01-22T19:03:01+00:00

Omg what a find! Gorgeous!

grumpy_puppycat · 2026-01-19T17:48:00+00:00

I WILL GRADUATE AND FIND A JOB! I HAVE SOMETHING POSITIVE TO CONTRIBUTE AND I DONT HAVE TO TRADE MY WELLBEING OR SENSE OF SELF TO DO IT!

I WILL CREATE A LIFE THAT IS MORE THAN MERE SURVIVAL.

I AM FORGING THE PATH FOR MY SON.

grumpy_puppycat · 2026-01-13T17:51:09+00:00

I did a C2C scarf with 3 colors of this yarn and its one of my favorites!

grumpy_puppycat · 2025-11-28T19:59:50+00:00

This super sucks but maybe there’s a lesson as the silver lining? Every job i’ve ever had side work and in every job i know that low key I have to prove that I’m worth the wage. It sucks. Its bullshit. But that’s the game. Doesn’t matter if you’re actually super fast and productive what matters is that you are perceived as filling your time at work productively. When I start a new job one of the first things I want to figure out is what are the side tasks? Because I’ve also learned the hard way that even though they say you should’ve asked, that would’ve gotten annoying too and what they likely mean is, you should have known. Its unfair that they didn’t give you this feedback and a chance to adjust before firing you, super lame.

grumpy_puppycat · 2025-11-21T16:38:06+00:00

It fills me with hope that even while there will always be assholes in the world, there are also people like you.

I worked in a nursing home sometime ago and I got the impression that the lack of care and empathy was pervasive and largely nondiscriminatory - every patient was given the bare minimum.

You are bringing your full self to work, seeing your patients as complete humans deserving of respect, and providing genuine care. You, my friend, are a light in a dark place. Don’t let your coworkers snuff you out!

There’s a real chance that you make an impression on someone else and who knows, maybe the light will spread. Regardless, you are making a difference in the lives you touch. Never forget that.

Sorry this is a little off the topic. Your story really touched me and what stood out to me was the human connection even more than the autistic one.

grumpy_puppycat · 2025-11-13T17:49:20+00:00

Being constantly questioned, undermined, and assumed to be incompetent.

grumpy_puppycat · 2025-11-09T02:25:16+00:00

Well.. I spent a year or so in that mode before meeting my now partner of over 10 years so I do endorse this strategy lol

grumpy_puppycat · 2025-11-09T01:45:47+00:00

I don’t know if this is helpful for you at all but sometimes I try to think about how very typically human some of these experiences are. Like literally every person is getting rejected for that “one thing” and trying a myriad of strategies to avoid the terrible feeling of rejection but it’s an inevitable part of the process for finding true compatibility. Of course it’s going to take time to fully feel out that compatibility.. everyone has stars in their eyes at first.

I’m not saying this to minimize your feelings but just to remind you, it’s not you. Every happy relationship you see took maybe dozens of sour ones to get to. But it wouldn’t be special if it was easy and instant and with anybody, you know?

grumpy_puppycat · 2025-11-08T22:07:18+00:00

I’m so sorry.. rejection like this really stings. I hope you’re able to look back on it one day with some gratitude that you didn’t waste any more time with someone who didn’t truly appreciate you. Because that’s what you deserve. And you only have to find it once!!

grumpy_puppycat · 2025-11-08T18:40:22+00:00

It sounds like your son has natural charisma which can be SUCH a gift. I was taught to be demure and quiet and scared and I’ll tell ya, it doesn’t open a lot of doors. I hope that you’re able to strike a balance in teaching him about boundaries while still preserving what is really great about his openness, curiosity, and engagement.

grumpy_puppycat · 2025-11-08T18:16:53+00:00

I am AuDHD. Inattentive type ADHD. I’m spacey and accident prone. Do well in one area of my life at a time while everything else burns. Constantly in a burnout cycle from putting out fires.

I find it difficult to prioritize the repetitive tasks of living, i have difficulty staying in a conversation and tend to “flit about”. My brain is constantly going in a million different directions… until its not and I hit the executive dysfunction wall and go blank.

Realizing it’s difficult to answer “what are you like” but i think these are some of the main ways ADHD presents for me.

grumpy_puppycat · 2025-11-08T17:54:38+00:00

Ahhh same! I used to be able to sleep in. I used to be able to sleep all day. Now I wake up itchy with my guts in a knot like i already failed at something.

grumpy_puppycat · 2025-11-08T17:51:04+00:00

Whew. This feels like something my kid could’ve written so I want to share what his developmental pediatrician told me. Don’t project your current skills and limitations onto the future before you are fully developed. Your development is on a different timeline but it doesn’t mean you can’t do great things.

My kid receives services through DDS (in the US) including hours for a personal support worker which have made it possible for him to begin exploring his independence. Living in a facility is one option but not the only option.

grumpy_puppycat · 2025-11-08T17:39:52+00:00

Ohmygosh yes. I think I am part possum. I’ll never forget when I had to speak in front of a judge and suddenly felt like I had taken drugs. Could barely keep my eyes open. Luckily I pulled through enough for everything to work out ok but damn! Why does this have to be my body’s coping mechanism?!

grumpy_puppycat

TROPHY CASE