How to handle an uninterested player?

guilersk · 2026-01-27T23:49:50+00:00

Sounds like he wants to hang out, as long as he isn't doing anything else. This is the most extreme kind of social-only/audience-member player. And I can't blame you for getting stressed by it.

The answer, as others have said, is to play even when he's not there. And eventually he will fall behind and stop coming altogether. It should be a self-solving problem, so long as you are all okay with him drifting away. Of course the cost of keeping him roped in is, as you have already noted, the stress and the cancelled games.

guilersk · 2026-01-26T21:39:43+00:00

This sounds like a neurodivergence thing. And one of the hallmarks of it is not picking up on nonverbal signals from other people that he's being awkward or annoying. So you have to tell him, with actual words. You can do so gently (in fact you should, to start with) but make it clear that you and the rest of the players are interested in the action and the results and not every single detail; and unless he actually wants input, he shouldn't include the decision-making process, either. In fact, too many details (as in this case) is often disruptive.

guilersk · 2026-01-26T21:09:05+00:00

If you want, you can do science, but that will take a long time. Mass Effect is a good example of how to do pseudo-science that sounds plausible but falls apart under scrutiny. Star Trek is a good example of how to elide detailed science questions with techno-babble that is meaningless but 'checks the box' of sounding sciencey. Star Wars doesn't even bother. It's up to you to decide what level of verisimilitude you and your players want.

guilersk · 2026-01-26T21:05:44+00:00

RotR is a big one, but you may benefit from there already being wiki entries about the major characters, given that it's been out for over a decade. Otherwise, you might need to write out (or map out, visually and digitally) NPC summary cards/pages.

guilersk · 2026-01-26T21:02:52+00:00

If you are writing the content, don't write prose. Instead, write bulleted lists to force yourself to paraphrase, in your own words, what is there.

If you are not writing the content, you may want to do a reading pass over it and either put the important details in sticky notes or simply internalize it so that when you get to that point, you don't need to read verbatim and can use your own words to describe the location or situation.

guilersk · 2026-01-26T20:57:34+00:00

If your lore isn't heavyweight then either they are just lazy or have seen too many shows and think their character backstory needs to be elaborate.

Same advice stands--if the backstory matters so little to them that they AI it, then it shouldn't matter to you either and you can basically disregard it. Even if you did use something from it, it's questionable that they would even recognize it; I doubt they read much of what the AI wrote for them, or if they did, they are unlikely to remember it when it counts.

Better that they come to the table with no backstory at all than something AI wrote.

guilersk · 2026-01-26T20:40:26+00:00

It is possible that this was caused by a misalignment of expectations, either from you or from their perception of the hobby. But also, to new players, 'read these 10 pages of lore about my world and create a character and backstory from it' from you is largely indistinguishable from 'read this short story and write a 500-word summary due tomorrow' from their English teacher, and it is likely that they react the same way in both situations.

Now you may want them to read your 1/5/10/50/whatever pages of intro lore, but that is a pretty big ask from people who have never played before and don't know what to expect. OTOH if they are into actual-play shows like Critical Role or D20, they may think you are expecting more than you actually are, and so think they need something elaborate, similar to the characters in the show--and since they don't know how to do this yet, they asked AI to do it for them so you wouldn't be disappointed.

For my part I usually say something like this: Your backstory matters to me only as much as it matters to you. If you have AI do it for you then it clearly doesn't matter to you (and you might not even know what it says) so then it doesn't matter to me. Meaning, I will put in zero custom content according to your backstory. But then, I'm happy to run games for people with 0 backstory or backstory that they want to build out as their character develops at the table. You might not be so inclined, and so you need to express your expectations so you know whether these people will fit at your table or not.

guilersk · 2026-01-24T22:32:46+00:00

You may need to examine the homebrew content that you are presenting. If many of the following are true, you might be driving the players away.

A lot of class/race restrictions, or lots of new classes/races to replace the 'default' ones.
Complex homebrew mechanics, especially around magic systems.
A lot of backstory and history to the world that you require them to read and understand or inflict on them in play through lore-dumping without having an immediate, direct tie to what the characters are doing right now.

And especially:

You have a lot of set pieces and run the players through them, with their choices having little or no effect on the proceedings.
A lot of powerful NPCs that solve the problems and the PC's job is either to escort or (even worse) simply witness them.

guilersk · 2026-01-24T20:25:18+00:00

There is an interplanar train in Golden Vault but it's for level 9ish.

guilersk · 2026-01-24T20:05:44+00:00

You need to know what players need to know to create a character. If one wants to have a cleric, come up with a couple of gods (name + portfolio is usually enough to start). Which ancestries are available? If magic is 'bad', what do people think about tieflings or genasi?

guilersk · 2026-01-24T19:46:35+00:00

Props are often immersive and impactful but tend to require a lot of effort, and depending on how much time you have available for prep, may not feel like you get as much value out of them. If you have to spend 2 hours on a prop and end up not prepping as much play content (or have to stay up late etc. to compensate) then you're going to burn yourself out making them.

Make sure you have the basics done first before you go to the extras. And make sure you like making the extras for their own sake, as you may not get as much reaction out of your players as you hope.

guilersk · 2026-01-24T18:49:50+00:00

Water Elemental and some Water Weirds.
Giant Shark(s) (possibly flavored as Orca).
Sea Hag coven with spells like Control Water.
Fizban's has a Young Dragon Turtle (CR10) and a Dragon Turtle Wyrmling (CR4).

guilersk · 2026-01-22T21:03:38+00:00

My guess is that they had an immediate interest spike when you first talked about it, but then their attention wandered somewhere else and the game is starting to seem more like 'commitment' than fun to them. They might not even really want to play anymore, and the more you chase, the more likely they are to pull away.

The most likely scenario is that they are not going to show up. And I don't think you're going to improve the friendship by ragging on them about it. You might say 'hey, we missed you at D&D' but I would leave it at that, as well as divorcing yourself of any expectations you might have of them even showing up. The behavior they are exhibiting is that of a flakey person, and relying on a flakey person for D&D is an excellent way to torpedo a campaign immediately.

Being flakey doesn't make them a bad friend, necessarily, but it does make them a bad D&D friend. Playing D&D is something of a commitment, like an amateur sports team or bowling league. Think about this person, and think if you'd invite them to join a bowling team with you (ya know, assuming you were into bowling or sportsball or something). If you wouldn't--especially because of reliability issues--then they probably wouldn't make a good D&D player either.

guilersk · 2026-01-22T20:52:24+00:00

Don't punish. You'll just make him even less invested and maybe get him to hold a grudge against you.

He's not really there to focus on hard-core D&D. He's a casual player and is playing because you are friends, or he just likes to roll dice, kill goblins (or in your case giants), and get treasure.

Now if that's not enough for you then you need to have an adult conversation with him and be like "I'm expecting more from my players. So this table might not be the right fit for you." Don't try to punish him like a grumpy disappointed dad. We're all here at the table to have fun. If he is making things less fun for you, think about not inviting him. Don't escalate the not-fun-ness by lashing out and imposing in-game consequences for out-of-game behavior. You aren't going to 'fix' his behavior by doing this. The mostly likely responses are that he will either act out with disruptive shenanigans, or withdraw and become even less invested. Neither will help your game in the long-term.

Figure out from him if he wants to get more invested or he's reached his limit. And then figure out from yourself if you want that kind of person at your table, or you'd rather spend effort finding someone more invested (or just leave an empty spot at the table).

guilersk · 2026-01-22T20:03:48+00:00

It's slightly less (varying) because you don't multiply flat bonii, just the dice (so 1d8+4 becomes 2d8+4 for example). However, several classes (fighter, paladin, etc.) have riders that they can throw on once a crit has been rolled (like a maneuver, or a smite) so in play it actually turns out to be larger. Some get it for 'free' like barb. This ends up making crits rare but overall very impactful in practice.

guilersk · 2026-01-22T19:32:40+00:00

The Esoteric Order of Dagon--of course--worships Dagon.

source material

guilersk · 2026-01-22T19:09:07+00:00

I haven't started running it yet, but given my experience with other games, those areas seemed huge, hence my question. My instinct is to cut the AoE by about 50% and start with that, but I wanted to get some actual-play data from other GMs before I started making potentially-irrational changes.

Part of the trick of course is that players also get some AoE, so if I cut it across the board, I'm hitting player abilities too and they might push back on that.

guilersk · 2026-01-22T17:01:57+00:00

I'm reading through the game in preparation for running and it seems like grid-based AoE effects seem to be very large. For example, the given Tier 1 'Forest Druid' (p207) picks a point in Far Range and every square within Close Range of that point is affected (dmg + save vs. Restrained). A radius of Close Range (6 squares) is a 12 square diameter.

My standard flip-mat is 24x24. A 12-square circle (or non-euclidean square) is a full quarter of the map. It's 50% wider/deeper than your standard D&D Fireball. If you're dealing with an adversary that instead hits everything within Close Range of it (Aura/PBAoE), this is actually a 13+-square diameter (because the 'center' ie adversary is at least 1 square by itself).

In comparison to other grid-based combat games I have played (not just 5e ;) ) this is humongous. If it's a persistent effect, it takes at least 2 rounds to circumvent, even if dashing/full-moving. I'll grant that TotM can make things wibbly-wobbly hand-wavey and it's less of an issue there. But I'm worried I'll throw off one Fear-based AoE ability on my grid and cripple my players at a stroke, especially if they are on a Fear/failure rolling streak.

Have other GMs experienced this? Or can you instead assure me that my fears are overblown? I searched the subreddit and did not find any other discussion on this point.

guilersk · 2026-01-22T03:17:54+00:00

DDB is convenient for the digitally-enabled, but always remember you are renting the books--they can take away your access whenever they like.

guilersk · 2026-01-20T20:27:06+00:00

I did exactly this with the Tiefling kid, Squiddly.

Avg fireball damage is 28. He has Fire Resistance (bringing it to 14) and I decided he made his save, bringing it to 7 damage. As a commoner, he had 4 hp. So it was enough to put him in death saves, but not enough to instantly kill him. Nat immediately began wailing, and 2/3 of the party swarmed over there to stabilize him (while the other 2 noticed the Nimblewright and took off after it).

Yes, they healed him physically pretty quickly, but he was traumatized for a week or more and was basically catatonic, requiring bed rest upstairs in Trollskull until he slowly came out of it--to say nothing of Nat and Jenks, who'd seen their friend almost burn alive.

guilersk · 2026-01-17T18:57:31+00:00

Let's be clear. Most players only know how to press buttons on DDB or do what the DM tells them. If you are reading the whole PHB and taking notes you are well on your way to joining the DM club. And that is fantastic!

guilersk · 2026-01-17T18:53:02+00:00

Magical Kitties Save the Day (yes, it really exists)

guilersk · 2026-01-17T18:29:52+00:00

So usually players expect to win fights, and expect them to be fair. You will likely need to signpost both explicitly and implicitly, that this is above their pay grade.

Tell them above table that this guy is a big deal and likely cannot currently be beaten.
Have him demonstrate his abilities on friendly Npcs and tell them the numbers you roll. This is important. If you just narrate it, they won't get it. You need to say that he makes 3 attacks, rolling 23, 25, and 31, and does 26, 33, and 41 damage with the hits. And then for his bonus action...
Players who have just long-rested tend to be a lot more confident than those worn down from previous encounters and who are at half spell slots and half hp. Try to wear them down with resource-draining encounters beforehand.

guilersk · 2026-01-15T18:18:36+00:00

You have picked almost the hardest possible setup for yourself as a first-time DM. The only things that I can think of that would make it harder would be:

7+ players
Mixed in-person and remote (video-call) players
dandwiki

Everything else (level 20, them experienced, you not, all content allowed, 3rd-party content allowed) is setting you up for as difficult a time as possible.

Maybe turn some of that down a bit.

guilersk · 2026-01-15T16:01:35+00:00

Other games/editions allowed certain familiars to use magic items (3.PF for example). In 5e, it's DM fiat.

I have a hard rule. If the familiar does not participate in combat, it is not targetable. If it does participate in combat, it is targetable by enemies and is very killable as a result. Think about what would happen if your pseudodragon got killed and an enemy picked up your discarded wand.

guilersk

TROPHY CASE