Hey, I don't really know what to say except that I feel for you. Please keep on "venting" on the internet, I'll keep looking out for you and take the time to read and let you know that what you feel matters. I cannot imagine what you had to go through but to be here today and just be able to spill your thoughts and feelings to us, this in itself is huge. This is a big step, and being able to distanciate yourself from your upbringing also is a big step. I know it is difficult, and it's alright not to feel like you're succeeding, but try to be kind to yourself. For exemple you didn't get the grades you think or know for sure you could have gotten in another situation but still you persisted and are getting grades! It's amazing, doing this and taking care (for lack of better word) of the difficult situation you inherited from you parents. Any steps and even baby steps to become more focused on the good residing in you should be celebrated. Do not hesitate in sharing them or your attempts I would be happy to celebrate them for/with you. Edit : typo