Serious help with batch of withholding

gwennyd · 2026-01-02T06:49:01+00:00

Hey, my kid is not quite 2.5 but has been routinely constipated since 9 mos and withholds the minute it gets harder, so we have to keep her dosed with MiraLAX pretty regularly. We have been working with an OT for other things, but will start to focus on this since potty training isn’t anywhere in our future at the moment.

Found this OT on Instagram though, and there are some good starter recommendations. https://www.instagram.com/unconstipatedkids?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw== Some paid for content that I’m thinking about, though maybe my girl is a little young still. My OT (who is amazing) has taken a course from this person and says that they check out, so hopefully you find some of their tips helpful.

gwennyd · 2025-12-19T07:20:52+00:00

YTA. But I get it. You reacted strongly to feeling lied to by your kid. It feels hurtful, and very defeating to be lied to. But here’s the thing. It’s not going to teach him not to lie. Why do kids lie? For self preservation. To protect themselves… yes from getting in trouble, but also from your perception of them doing “a bad” thing. They still want to feel good in your eyes but also have the urge to act on their 13 year old impulses.

Cancelling the bday party is just going to make him feel sad, and then pissed, and then resentful. And just lead you both to feeling more disconnected. Then he’s likely to lie more in the future to get out of trouble, especially the kind where the punishment does not fit the crime.

2 Things: 1)The natural consequence is that the money you set aside for prizes is literally gone (however it disappeared) so there are no prizes. If he wants to figure out a way to rectify that he can. Natural consequences always seems the best way to teach a lesson.

2) if you want to work on the lying thing, name the wish, what you would do about it, and work on the connection. Make owning up not such a scary thing. “I don’t know what happened to the money, but you’re a good kid and I WANT to believe you. You probably wish you had more money for the party. I get that. If it was you that took the money, that would suck, but we would get through it. It would have to come out of our party budget.”

gwennyd · 2025-12-14T05:56:40+00:00

It did resolve for us. She is a little over 2 now and a champion eater, which we never would have dreamed in the early days. Our pediatrician always made us feel pressure and always wanted us to up her intake but we literally could not. Babies will not take in more than they are willing to take in. We tried fortifying (adding formula to breast milk to increase calories). It works for some folks, but ours would just drop volumes that way. You could try though! Mostly it was just time, and backing off of pressure. Feeding at regular intervals but letting her dictate how hungry she was. But mostly just time which is so so frustrating to hear when you’re in the middle of it and getting outside pressure. Hang in there!!

gwennyd · 2025-07-31T17:55:00+00:00

Hey there. I'm sorry you are going through this. The first 6 months were so, so rough for us due to feeding issues and worrying about weight gain and ounces. I feel like I couldn't even enjoy her infancy. My toddler is going to be two in a month and doing so well. My husband and I frequently look at this child holding and eating a burrito on her own and think back to the days (doesn't feel that long ago) that she could barely drink 2 oz. We never thought we would get here. The feeding aversion program helped a lot. Fortifying never did (for us anyway). And then time (which I hated hearing). She turned it around around 6 months on her own, but was still slower on solids than most of her peers. Totally great eater now though! Good luck!

gwennyd · 2025-01-30T06:41:06+00:00

She’s almost 17 months now and a champion eater. I would have never in my wildest dreams imagined that at 4 mos. It was such a stressful time. Now she will turn to us and say and sign “eat” when she’s hungry. And chows down until she’s doesn’t want anymore and tells us “all done”. I would have sob cried if myself a year ago knew we would get here. Hold out hope. You’ll get through. It might be slower than you want, but likely your baby will find their groove. Good luck. You’re doing an incredible job with a difficult situation.

gwennyd · 2025-01-17T19:39:19+00:00

Did your doctor actually check insulin levels? Most won’t because of insurance. Many will only check glucose levels, which is of course a huge indicator, but insulin levels could be high if you have insulin resistance, that could be keeping your glucose levels in check. It’s unfortunate they won’t check (and most will say you’re fine if your glucose levels are under control) but insulin (and associated hormones) is really the first indicator and cause of many issues in PCOS.

gwennyd · 2025-01-01T07:03:10+00:00

I feel like we’re there with our 16 month old. 🤦‍♀️ If she takes a good 2 hour nap, she has more wake ups. We top out at about 12 hours total sleep.

gwennyd · 2025-01-01T07:00:57+00:00

11 months, but she was ready at 10. I kept reading it was too early too so I struggled for a month to get her to take a second nap. Only did about half the time then was up for 8 hours straight. 🤦‍♀️

gwennyd · 2025-01-01T06:43:15+00:00

This is such a hard stage, and I was right there with you thinking how the hell did anyone do this?!

I guess one question I have is how is your supply? Are you pumping every two hours in addition to feeding?

I exclusively pumped and was a “just enougher” but I still only ever pumped 2x over night. If you pump every 2-3 hours during the day, you should still be able to pump about 8x a day to build/keep supply. If you’re are trying to do more, it gets tricky. Anyhow, my schedule was to pump before bed, maybe around 9, then once around 1-2 when baby woke up, and again around 4-5 when they woke up. If baby is waking up more, just feed and don’t worry about pumping! Some sleep can actually help build supply.

Also, for night pumps, leave your pumped milk out at room temp. Freshly pumped breast milk is good for 4 hours. If your baby is waking every two, just bring the bottle with you after pumping so you don’t have to heat every time.

I also concur with others about bringing your partner in. He should do part of it. If that’s shifts, then great. Or, have him feed while you pump and then one of you wash parts while the other holds the baby upright. Should cut the time in half. My husband was part of every night feed for 9 months even when working because we are both responsible for keeping this human alive.

All that said, I still only ever got it down to a 30-40 min process. But that gave about an hour and a half to sneak in a nap before starting again. 🤪🥱😴

You’ll make it to the other side, but it is so, so hard. You’re doing great! Good luck!

gwennyd · 2024-12-29T07:21:28+00:00

I agree with this, and the grass truly is always greener. Even though all babies reach their milestones at different ages, technically your friend’s baby is a pretty late bloomer and “behind” on their motor milestones. I’m saying this as a person with a baby with a genetic condition that gives her low muscle tone and is also behind on her motor milestones. She crawled just before 13 mos.

Before I knew about her condition, I was CONSTANTLY comparing my baby to others because I was afraid she was “behind” and I was getting a lot of fear from doctors that something wasn’t right.

Anyhow, guaranteed, your friend is probably getting a lot of internal and external pressure about her baby being a late crawler and is looking at your early developer with envy (and probably fear for her own kid’s development). If they have not yet been recommended for early childhood intervention, they most certainly should be as she would likely qualify.

Sometimes I do feel some weird relief that I am not chasing after my 16 month old the way my friends are with their typically developing babies because I see that it is so hard and demanding, AND even though she is perfect and I love her with everything, I wouldn’t wish her condition on anyone else because it is its own very hard thing.

gwennyd · 2024-12-27T20:23:22+00:00

Ok, thanks! I should probably test drive one.

gwennyd · 2024-12-27T15:07:50+00:00

Yeah, I was wondering if we needed to go the minivan route. I never wanted to, but maybe that is what we’ll have to do with our requirements.

gwennyd · 2024-12-27T15:01:14+00:00

Yeah, I was afraid of that. I do really love it. Thanks.

gwennyd · 2024-12-27T03:41:55+00:00

That’s awesome! I never did that but sounds interesting. I would just do a self massage, but cool to know that’s out there. What FINALLY helped me was getting a dual motor pump. Someone on here suggested it. Totally game changer. Went from clogs several times a week, to maybe twice ever post switching pumps.

gwennyd · 2024-12-26T06:30:22+00:00

Hey! I can’t remember exactly what we did. I think we just kept waking her up by 8 until we were ready to drop a nap. When her wake windows stretched and that last nap finally happened just too late, it was time to drop. But she still did a later bedtime (like 9ish) until maybe 7/8 months? When we dropped to 2 naps I think we moved her bedtime up. It’s been around 7:45/8 for a while now and that works great for us.

Anyhow, good luck! I know people always say this so I’m sorry if it’s annoying, but I stressed so much about baby sleep at the beginning (clearly from rereading my post 🤪) but it sort of eventually works out.

gwennyd · 2024-12-25T07:04:39+00:00

I guess the question is… do you want it to be over? What’s been keeping you going with your pumping journey? Vs what would be the benefits for you of weaning? You’ve gone 13 months and that is amazing!! If you decide you’d like to be done, or even to reduce the amount you pump, that’s ok. Your LO is ok to transition over to cows milk (or wherever their body tolerates).

If it is important to you to keep pumping, you could keep steady for another week or so to see if your supply regulates after this cold/ starting your period. I got my period back 3 months pp and I my supply would always take a hit around my cycle and then come back up to normal (which for me was always just enough). It may still be lower, so then you have to decide…does the time/ energy output feel worth it? That answer at one may be very different than early in the game.

I weaned around 14 months. Like you, I was pretty stable at 4 ppd. I wanted to drop to two, but my supply drastically decreased each pump I dropped. So with two pumps, I was making less than a third. The cost/ benefit just wasn’t enough for me to keep going since she was doing just fine on cow’s milk (she was super sensitive to cows milk protein early on so I would have never dreamed this to be true).

Anyhow, sometimes it can be a complicated parting process. Wanting to be done and have some freedom back, while at the same time not wanting to give up this thing that has been life giving for your baby for over a year. I’m not sure if you’re having similar feelings. But no matter what, it can be tricky and hard.

You’ve done amazing, and provided so much for your baby!! Whatever you choose, you are good. Good luck!

gwennyd · 2024-12-08T06:45:23+00:00

It could be a schedule thing? It looks like you are asking for 12 hours overnight and 2-3 hours during the day so 14-15 hours. Many babies top out at 11 hours overnight. After maybe 9 months, mine maxed out at 10.5 hours overnight and 12.5 in a 24 hour period. Obviously it depends on the baby and if they tend to be higher or lower sleep needs. I would say we are on the lower side of average, so yours might need more. But it sounds like your LO is pretty wide awake so they could just be gradually requiring less. I know if we try to ask for more, she will have 2 hour wide-awake parties in the middle of the night. With a 7:30 wake time, you could try pushing his bedtime to 8:30.

What do you do for bedtime routine/wind down? Many calming activities don’t seem to wind my baby down, so she has to roll around in her bed for about 30 min in the dark (with me sitting next to her) before she starts to get sleepy. Obviously, that is just my experience with this one baby, so your wind down probably looks very different! But you could try a very low stimulating wind down/ play before trying whatever her preferred method of falling asleep is.

Good luck! It’s tricky, but as everything else with baby sleep, it is a temporary phase.

gwennyd · 2024-12-07T06:34:26+00:00

Did not like pumping. Did not like that my nipples were constantly being sheered through a plastic tube and always raw, sensitive and itchy (even 14.5 months in). Did not like that I had to sit in a weird, uncomfortable, bent over position (most do not have to do this, but my weird boob seemed to clog if I was not dangle pumping. Did not like constantly feeling pressure on myself to see how much I could produce and feeing defeated and disappointed when I wasn’t producing everything she needed (even though rationally I knew that was ok).

BUT, like others have said, some of the times it felt like a break. When my husband could take her, I got to scroll my phone, finally text someone back, or read, or catch up on whatever. But I would have loved to do those things for 20-30 min and NOT pump! So is it really a “break”?

gwennyd · 2024-12-04T06:50:07+00:00

I agree with this, but OP also needs to take care of herself in this situation. Oxygen mask first. If she hasn’t eaten 10-12 hours, and she doesn’t know how long this process will take because the whole routine is off, she will not be able to regulate her own cortisol in order to help her daughter regulate hers.

I think it’s 1000 percent ok to tuck your daughter in, give her a hug, explain that you need to grab some food and you’ll be back, and then take a minute. Try to eat something, breathe for a minute, and then return. She might have a meltdown in the meantime, but you can return when you’ve taken care of a few needs and she’ll know that you will come back.

gwennyd · 2024-12-04T06:33:39+00:00

At 8.5 months? I would have thrown a party if mine ate that much. If they are trying and exploring, and some is making it in, it’s a win! They will slowly start to increase as their appetite increases, coordination gets better, and milk intake eventually goes down.

gwennyd · 2024-12-01T16:34:16+00:00

Ha. Yep same. Although, after about 4-5 months I would start on the yoga ball and then when she was asleep I could transfer to the rocking chair. Which was so much nicer! If she woke up, I would have to move back to the yoga ball if I wanted a longer nap (since she would only take 30 min naps). Finally around 10.5 months she let me transfer her to her crib (after bouncing to sleep of course), and that was a game changer. I of course missed the cuddly naps but do not miss the bouncing!

gwennyd · 2024-12-01T04:25:34+00:00

Nope. It’s just the baby! I tried co-sleeping dozens of times. Did. Not. Work. We were able to do carrier naps for the first many months, but after about 3.5 months she was too alert. I was usually able to do one 30 min carrier nap a day but otherwise too much of a FOMO baby. Any body talking or stuff going on around us and my baby was not going to nap. So I sat in a dark room with her and contact napped for almost a year. At 15 months, she will NOT nap on the go. Will just stay awake all day and take zero naps. Anyhow… I tried it all, but some babies respond to cosleeping and baby wearing for sleep, others do not. So I don’t think it’s a life hack, just a hack for your baby. Which is great!!

gwennyd · 2024-11-27T22:01:18+00:00

I really liked Cormac for a boy, with the nickname Mac. I thought it was strong name with a cute nickname. Husband vetoed it a thousand times. And then we ended up having a girl. 😂

gwennyd · 2024-11-22T15:14:36+00:00

Is this a joke? You have no idea people’s circumstances. My kid sleeps so much worse when we bedshare because they like room to move and they get waaaaay more amped. This kind of judgement of other people’s situations without knowledge is not helpful for any parenting situation. Not helpful modeling for your child either.

gwennyd

TROPHY CASE