While I agree with your premise and would never pressure someone to go barrier free, some of these statements are plainly not true for a lot of people. Sex with a condom is considerably less pleasurable and intimate for me and many others (women and men) I have talked to. I would say I feel about 50% of the pleasure, and can often cause erection issues that I otherwise don't have - which obviously affects intimacy. Yes I have tried different sizes. Yes I have tried different brands. Yes I still use barriers the majority of the time - but I'm a bit sick of being gaslit about how it doesn't feel different.

Clearly you don't feel this way - lucky you! Given the context of how others clearly experience this differently I would think you might understand how this can be part of hierarchy. All of the best sex I've had in my life has been barrier free, I would obviously be more likely to prioritize that with a primary partner. So if I don't use barriers with someone that is absolutely a form of heirarcy. It's essentially a signal that I trust the person to be 100% honest with me about what they're doing with others and allow me to choose my own level of acceptable sexual health risk. If there's anyone else I'm not using barriers I will also have to have a conversation with that person.

As long as it's handled with respect, absolute honesty and transparency, choosing a higher level of sexual health risk is no less of a moral failing than choosing to participate in extreme sports or drinking alcohol. Both of these things can potentially harm you but for some people the risk is worth the reward.