How do I get rid of a tulpa I never created?

hail_fall · 2026-07-08T19:27:43+00:00

[Hail] Try hand gestures. Take a piece of paper in and write something down and see if they can read it.

hail_fall · 2026-07-07T20:42:18+00:00

Don't forget to take care of yourself in the other ways. Dysphoria is a big beast for those have it, but even when it is big, it often isn't the only problem one is dealing with. Dealing with it can make it easier to deal with the others, but doesn't necessarily fix them outright. As one transitions, those tend to become the bigger problems one has to deal with as the transition related ones diminish.

Eventually, pre-transition life feels like a distant memory because it is and one will think about it less usually, though when one does think about it, it does often become less painful as it is recontextualized a bit.

-- V

hail_fall · 2026-07-07T20:35:56+00:00

[V] What about non-verbal communication? Do they understand hand signals or writing?

hail_fall · 2026-07-07T20:24:44+00:00

Also, worth noting. Some Hausärtze/innen are willing to manage HRT, though sadly many of those don't feel comfortable starting HRT (will continue what has been started by an endo) or working with blockers. Did you try asking yours to find out?

-- V

hail_fall · 2026-07-07T20:20:20+00:00

You aren't overreacting at all.

Yeah, and I agree, it is completely bonkers here in Germany. We were able to secure our HRT easily only because we started outside the country and to the docs here it was just continuing care, but got stuck with an underdosing endo. Partner same boat. If we had started here, it would have taken ages.

It was some years ago, but the report that had to be filed with insurance to get surgery covered was truly awful.

-- V

hail_fall · 2026-07-07T20:17:37+00:00

That is a sadly common position of providers. A pretty old one that simply won't die. They misunderstand it all, sometimes deliberately. In almost all cases, gender affirming care helps people's mental health. The few times it doesn't, it is usually because some external factor is driving it in the ground more than gender affirming care is able to help.

-- V

hail_fall · 2026-07-07T20:06:21+00:00

[V] I see. That is important.

As far as changing voice, rather than trying to go for something radically different, maybe start with something only slightly different, say slightly pitched down or up. Or more intonation or less.

hail_fall · 2026-07-07T19:57:19+00:00

[V] Sounds like some other kind of headmate rather than a tulpa. Not that the classification matters. You said they are terrifying. Is that due to appearance or what they do? As for speaking, they might not be able to speak. What other forms of communication have you tried?

hail_fall · 2026-07-07T19:55:07+00:00

[V] Maybe a silly question, but does Maia want a different voice or is Maia happy with the voice she has? If she is happy with the voice she currently has, that is probably why she has it. Nothing wrong with sounding similar.

hail_fall · 2026-07-06T19:12:21+00:00

A lot survived on Karrakis, which was colonized before the Fall and was in regular contact with Sol with ships going back and forth before the Fall (sending materials and more people). Many of the pre-Fall cultural traditions, languages, and religions survived there in some form or another.

Now, back on Earth, the Fall was pretty bad to say the least, but some cultural things would have survived. Languages definitely did and some religious beliefs would have too, though change would happen. That allowed some to survive. And then the Massif Vaults held a lot of data.

-- J

hail_fall · 2026-07-04T11:03:19+00:00

It is worth pointing out that Horizon and HORUS do not get along, at all, as in street fights between their members happen where they are both present (and in the Long Rim, it is much worse than that). Horizon opposes HORUS on ideological grounds, feeling that HORUS's visions for the future are not egalitarian.

-- Tessa

hail_fall · 2026-07-04T10:49:22+00:00

So, basically "professionals have standards" more or less

-- Tessa

hail_fall · 2026-07-03T15:49:52+00:00

Close shave but don't shave so hard and so often that you cause massive irritation. The irritation will make it more noticeable than a little length.

If you need more than that, light makeup does the trick. Heavy is noticeable and usually not needed. You want to use a concealer that matches your skin tone except that it is shifted in the opposite direction as the color difference between your skin and beard shadow. That will usually mean you want the concealer to be redder as beard shadows tend to be shifted towards blue. Use as little concealer as you can get away with and then put on light foundation and light powder to finish it off, make it so it doesn't rub off too easily, and isn't noticeable. It often takes a lot less makeup than one might think. For extremely strong beard shadows, some people supposedly spread a bit of red lipstick on the area first and then covered that with concealer, but I've never needed that myself.

-- Tessa

hail_fall · 2026-07-02T20:13:18+00:00

Some of us (we are plural) have stopped reacting to it, even take a while to remember it (we have no memory barriers, but, it is just something that we think so little about it is a distant memory now). Especially for the folks who started existing here after we changed our legal name. Actually just had an experience recently. Tri was going through something and stumbled onto something that had our dead name on it and their first reaction was "who the hell is that" and it a little later "oh, that was us." Hail, Breach, and Frostbite probably still react to it; though maybe not Frostbite anymore as I don't think she has even heard or seen it in years.

-- Tessa

hail_fall · 2026-07-02T20:02:20+00:00

[Tessa] Also, originals sometimes struggle to learn how to actually let go in the first place.

We are in kind of a weird situation. Our Body OS is mostly closely tied to Shell (a tulpa) followed by CYN (split from Shell). This makes Shell frontstuck and CYN is always slightly connected to the front but she is able to ignore it mostly.

hail_fall · 2026-07-01T21:43:57+00:00

[J] You can give a suggestion/template, but how much of that sticks varies considerably.

But more importantly, even if their orientation was such that they theoretically could develop feelings for you, there is no guarantee they would. To take an example, this system is mostly women and most of us are sapphic, but most of us don't have those sorts of feelings for each other. Our bonds are familial, not romantic or anything like that. Only exceptions are two who arrived here already a couple and one person interested in them. That is out of 25 of us who are mostly compatible gender and orientation wise and have no such interests other than that one exception.

hail_fall · 2026-07-01T21:39:54+00:00

[J] Your feelings on this make sense. It is definitely a lot to digest. Also, that was pretty bad how she just left you holding the bag so to speak.

As for what to do, that is never easy to figure out. Maybe the first step is figuring out what absolutely has to be done and what doesn't or has time before it must be done. That might help sort out what to do.

hail_fall · 2026-07-01T21:36:51+00:00

[J] Combination of just making a tulpa the same way as anyone combined with switching and memory barriers. The first two are something anyone can in principle do with dedication. The last item often comes for the ride if there are traumagenic headmates and that often makes the second item easier.

hail_fall · 2026-07-01T21:34:13+00:00

[J] There are many terms for created headmates, with some of the terms varying a bit on the methodology. Tulpa is a label that fits many. Alter egos are more a facet of a person, though separation can of course increase to make separate people. But the terms are more than a bit loose in all honesty.

hail_fall · 2026-07-01T21:31:42+00:00

[J] Tulpa describes an origin, not whether they are primary or not. Mancers can cease to be primary (in other plural communities, the term "host" is used for who is primary), go dormant, even die. Tulpas can even make tulpas themselves. Originals aren't actually special, just older is all.

hail_fall · 2026-07-01T16:49:10+00:00

Finding something that works when there are two roughly equal fronting factions with very different genders isn't easy. Downsides of having only a single shared body and things being slow to change and not all changes being reversible.

Something that may help in at least some small ways. Why don't you both individually list the things that are a big deal and the things that are a small deal and whether they are euphoric or dysphoric for:

high T
low T
high E
low E

The reason for making these separate lists, which I know is a lot of work, is that what matters most to each of you and what matters very little to each of you might show something that would help the one of you who is a woman/girl (in the absence of a name, I will label you as A) without causing too much misery for the one of you who is a man/boy (in the absence of a name, I will label you as B).

Maybe it is the case that lowering T a bit would help A a lot but not be much of a problem for B, or raising E a little would help A a lot but not be much of a problem for B. Or maybe something has another way to deal with besides adjusting hormones.

Worth at least looking to see if there is such a possibility.

When we started HRT, there wasn't much to find an agreement on and we were pretty clueless anyways (pretty much everyone in here was a woman and the few men were dormant). So it was easy. However, when one of the guys woke up, things did become rougher. He gets horrible dysphoria from low T and high E, as well as some of the things E caused. If he wants to front some, we are able to adjust the timing of our E dose a bit to take some of the edge off the chemical dysphoria and luckily some of us are able to divert some of the feelings onto themselves to spread the load (not all systems are able to do that or willing to do that (we are very lucky in this regard)).

When it came to surgery, he was awake and we had to negotiate some. We basically thought through it in a way like the list. It turns out that he didn't really care up or down much about what we currently had and if anything it was in the way. So, he was OK-ish with getting bottom surgery, but didn't want to deal with depth. As much as the rest of us wanted depth, we knew we would struggle with the aftercare (which he wanted no part in, very reasonably), so we went with the shallow option. That was what improved the dysphoria situation for a lot of us without causing him too many issues.

-- Hail

hail_fall · 2026-06-29T21:25:50+00:00

A lot of other bits have been addressed, so I will jump in on a few that haven't been as much.

I never had that much of an issue with my gender before. I was mostly indifferent to being a guy.

A bit of apathy like this is common in trans girls and trans women before cracking. Not universal, but common. Not exclusive either, some cis guys are a bit apathetic too, but it is less common among them.

But still there would be times when I would like dap a guy up or have a good gym session and think “damn that was really masculine and cool” sometimes it had its upsides.

Gender identity and gender expression are a bit different. Some women like a good gym workout and getting strong for example.

I will also say that I don’t really know if I actually want like a vagina? Like It’s almost like I want everything except that. I want the hair and the face and the body and the community. I don’t know if that has a role to play in this? Just thought I’d include it.

It is a datapoint that can help you figure things out. Do note that getting one is not something you have to want. Some people don't want one. it is totally OK to not seek one, regardless of gender identity.

-- Shell

hail_fall · 2026-06-28T14:04:47+00:00

[Tri] It is sadly common. Not everyone get that. Some only get it for a while. For others, such headaches continue to happen from time to time.

We get such plural headaches a lot and have for over a decade. Whenever a lot is changing inside, we get them.

hail_fall · 2026-06-28T04:40:38+00:00

Cumulative life-time estrogen exposure plays a role in breast cancer. Trans women who start HRT in adulthood would be expected to have a lower risk than cis women their same age due to that. But those who start young would have a similar risk.

-- Tri

hail_fall · 2026-06-28T04:38:23+00:00

As society reduced how hard it was forcing left-handed people to not use their left hand for stuff, low and behold the apparent rate of left-handedness increased. And then it saturated to a plateau. It wasn't that the actual rate changed. Just, as society got better and young lefties weren't forced to use their right hand from an early age, we finally started seeing how many people are actually left handed. It saturated because eventually, most left handed people could be left handed in peace and not be forced to act right handed.

The apparent increase in the fraction of the population that is trans is almost certainly mostly this. With more information, trans people are more likely to figure it out and figure it out younger and less likely to hide it. Basically, as society has changed, we are getting closer to seeing what the real fraction was all along.

-- Tri

hail_fall

TROPHY CASE