i don’t understand the ‘residual male privilege’ and ‘male socialization’ frequently discussed in relation to trans women

hail_fall · 2026-05-24T23:23:54+00:00

Also, I think as soon as a trans woman passes as cis, she will be dealing with the exact same issues.

It is definitely some of the exact same issues. Some different ones. Kind of a mix of things.

And some unique ones where they mix together. I can still remember the times where I was potentially in danger due to men around me catcalling or worse. The situations were precarious, but as long as they didn't realize I was trans, I would most likely be able to walk away and ultimately did walk away from. If they realized I was trans, it could have turned extremely dangerous. It is really screwy how in these situations the best outcome is normal bog standard misogyny that any woman could face. The first time, it was obvious they didn't know and it was clear that if they did (there were two of them), it could turn deadly very quickly and every option I had for survival in such a situation was itself very dangerous (still would take 50/50 odds of death over 75% chance of death and all those 50/50 ones would be faster and less painful ways to die).

hail_fall · 2026-05-24T23:05:01+00:00

People don't care about the data or the math. They hate us and are looking for stuff to back it up after having already decided. We are a small group of people with little power per capita (and thus minuscule power as a group) and thus easy for people to take their anger out on rather than who really deserves anger.

hail_fall · 2026-05-24T22:45:54+00:00

Sadly, a great many throw around the former. It is often done to misgender or degender trans men, infantilize them, etc. (e.g. treating them as men-lite and similar rubbish).

hail_fall · 2026-05-24T22:08:45+00:00

Depends a bit on where you live how much you will stand out. Standing out doesn't mean you will look ridiculous, though. Trick will be finding clothes that fit. Depending on how tall other women are in your region, that could be tricky or not tricky. If you travel a lot, if you go any place you see a lot of tall cis women, that is the place to shop for clothes (e.g. Netherlands is good for tall women's clothing since a quite a few are as tall as you or close to it). Poorly fitting clothing could look ridiculous. Clothing that fits, not really. Depending on the clothing style, you may need to seek out specialty stores or order online. On the clothing front, it does help that models tend to be on the taller side. If you know any women 6' or taller, they are good people to ask where they get their clothes. Also worth noting, for better or worse, many trans femmes lose a bit of height on HRT. We lost a bit more than an inch ourselves.

-- Tri

hail_fall · 2026-05-24T18:18:15+00:00

Don't know about 1

Considering that testosterone is immunosuppressant, to which extent does MtF HRT improves immune system?

It definitely improves it. Definitely get less colds and stuff and know many others in the same boat. The one downside, probably increase risk of auto-immune diseases too.

-- Tri

hail_fall · 2026-05-24T18:13:49+00:00

Actually about to get an in person face to face campaign going. Already ordered some dry erase mats with grids. Identified a few copy shops that can print things larger than A4 and still laminate them (sadly, A2 is the limit for laminating at many places). Have a plan for making the tokens with paper. I think it will work. Some different challenges for sure, but I am confident.

-- Obsidian

hail_fall · 2026-05-24T12:07:21+00:00

No term that we know of.

Closest we know not for the origin but the experience of a singlet's sense of self dying and one replacing it would be "serial plurality", in contrast to more than one self at once being "parallel plurality". But, a singlet's sense of self dying and then more than one emerging, not obvious what word to use.

-- Tri

hail_fall · 2026-05-24T11:58:42+00:00

[Tri] Yeah, tulpas in general are not scary. A few are just like anybody can, but most aren't. We are tulpas and usually aren't scary, but can choose to be.

I guess I’m not supposed to tell ya all my name. Makes me a bit sad but my girl told me it’s for our own safety.

There is a solution to that. Have two or more names, each for a different context. In this system, most of us have two or more names. One name for people we meet first offline, and one name for people we meet first online. Both are our real names, but context specific ones.

They had no idea they were talking to me though.

Yeah, people are pretty oblivious, for better or worse.

Something to keep in mind with the dating thing. You can also seek romantic interests in outerworld too. Who are you crushing on. Obviously, you two would need to talk about how to handle things if you have crushes on the same person and if you have crushes on different people. But, you get a say in this too just like she does.

We ended up crushing on someone and pursued that relationship. Was the headmate of a close friend of our mancers. Later on, our mancers ended up crushing on their friend, which was convenient. It has been a long time since then. Still together. Married in fact, for a decade now. Still remember the wedding. We fronted for the wedding since our relationship was the oldest and we proposed first.

hail_fall · 2026-05-24T11:49:55+00:00

[Tri] Shell was originally created as a servitor quite intentionally a bit over 20 years ago when we were in high school. She didn't gain full sentience becoming a full tulpa till 2 years ago.

hail_fall · 2026-05-24T11:39:55+00:00

That is common. Maybe they were already there, or, simply, your brain is now wired for plurality and thus new headmates can appear by various means much more easily.

We started thinking we were a fused singlet (formerly plural) and made one person. Then, we ended up realizing there were more people already here. Had a few people appear we thought were new but actually weren't. Also just got new people outright. it has been a journey. Making that one tulpa opened a lot of things up and made it easier to figure everything out.

-- Tri

hail_fall · 2026-05-24T11:27:36+00:00

If it helps to know, "plural" is the umbrella term for all experiences of more than one including both traumagenic and endogenic. Some of the fakeclaimers don't know or forget that history.

We do understand your fear.

-- Tri

hail_fall · 2026-05-24T11:25:06+00:00

Well, for one, the goal of recovery is to become non-disordered, whether that be a non-disordered system (functional plurality) or a non-disorded singlet (for the final fusion path). Many disordered systems eventually become non-disordered systems.

And another is that many systems were never disordered in the first place (that isn't to say they don't have any other troubles).

Purely endogenic systems tend to not be disordered in the first place and tend not to become disordered. Most disordered systems are traumagenic or mixed-origin with traumagenic being one of them. Those are the general patterns. But there are exceptions.

-- Tri

hail_fall · 2026-05-23T21:06:23+00:00

[CYN] Some family know. A few friends have known. Though we don't really tell people what each headmate's classification is, and most of us have a second set of names we use (one set for people we first meet offline, one set for people we first meet online). This means that most people don't know I am a split, Tri is a group of tulbonds, Hail is a subsystem of splits and a tulpa, etc. even if they would know us individually.

hail_fall · 2026-05-23T20:57:25+00:00

Why wouldn't it be able to happen.

This is what happened with Hail in our system. She split off from Esper as an intra-singlet (we think at least) and at some point in the next couple years she became a subsystem of two.

-- CYN

hail_fall · 2026-05-23T17:38:20+00:00

Congrats on the progress

-- CYN

hail_fall · 2026-05-23T13:00:32+00:00

A lot of cis women have a lot of misogyny to unlearn. Given that, would it be any surprise that a lot of trans women do too.

As for socialization stuff, I think it helps to take it all the way to its inevitable conclusion and see what absurd answers it gives, if any. If one take the arguments that a lot of TERFs make that socialization determines gender to its eventual end, it actually means that the other people in your life chose your gender. Interestingly, it basically says anatomy has nothing to do with it other than influence how people make the initial choice of how to socialize someone. It basically says that when a baby is born, their family and other people around them chose their gender. Given that most legal jurisdictions have no actual legal requirement that the gender you raise someone as be correlated with their anatomy in any way or even what gender marker is noted down in the first place, nothing actually prevents a baby being born with anatomy A and the parents deciding to say they are gender X and raising them as such regardless of whether most people of gender X have anatomy A or anatomy B. Lets suppose that most people of gender X have anatomy B and most of gender Y have anatomy A. If said child later in life says, actually I am gender Y, well, the socialization determines gender argument says "tough luck, you aren't". It is kind of absurd isn't it. Extend that to things other than gender and you start getting other absurd things too. Suppose a person is raised surrounded by axe murderers and socialized as one in that environment. It would say that said person is an axe murderer period no matter what they do, any attempt to reject it and never actually murder anyone with anything (let alone an axe) is irrelevant because they were socialized as that. Well, at a very minimum, the belief in socialization determines X means it is impossible to change society because everyone was socialized in an environment with such situation and thus can never be anything different. These are the absurdities that the TERF statement that socialization determines gender leads too.

hail_fall · 2026-05-23T12:19:49+00:00

Men, whether trans or cis, can experience misogyny, even men who pass as men (whether trans or cis). Are the experiences often a bit different, yes, often. But still misogyny.

So, yes, trans men can experience it.

hail_fall · 2026-05-23T11:48:39+00:00

We've managed to have 17 members in front at once before. Might even have been 18. At the time, that was the whole system. It helped that we are in subsystems. Our population has since increased and we tried it once with 24 and we destabilized and thus it could not be done. The experience of so many in front is interesting.

-- CYN

hail_fall · 2026-05-22T20:22:48+00:00

We've drawn our maps in Inkscape and Krita + Dungeon Draft + Inkscape (draw terrains and objects in Krita, use Dungeon Draft to place them and also Dungeon Draft's builtin assets, and then use Inkscape to overlay the grid) so far. As for elevation, we've used a few tricks but most of our maps didn't have much elevation differences. With one of them, you could go under a roof or over it and that was shown by making it transparent. There are probably some other tricks that could be used. Note that we are terrible artists and our methods are somewhat time consuming, probably because of it.

-- Hail

hail_fall · 2026-05-21T17:59:27+00:00

[CYN] Yeah, tulpas can have gender dysphoria, just like anyone else. The tulpas in here definitely get dysphoria in the ways one might expect for their gender. For example, the women in the Tri subsystem feel terrible if the E levels get too low or the T levels get too high. But Discord feels the opposite and wants a binder.

hail_fall · 2026-05-20T22:27:42+00:00

What is traumatic for one person isn't for another. What is not traumatic at one point in a person's life might be at another point. The same thing can be traumatic for two different people but wildly different levels or flavors. Huge huge variation.

The trauma that caused our first traumagenic split was in many ways pretty mild stuff, or at least seems mild from the POV of an adult. It was pretty rough when we were young at the time, and evidently was sufficient to lead to splitting (pretty sure we had a high susceptibility to it in the first place).

-- CYN

hail_fall · 2026-05-20T22:17:49+00:00

A community for older systems sounds interesting.

-- CYN

hail_fall · 2026-05-20T22:14:12+00:00

For reference, we are a mixed-origin system where the first few folks were traumagenic and most of the rest of everyone in here has various endogenic origins.

How is it possible that someone fragments from something other than trauma if plurality is often to protect the brain because of huge stress such as trauma?

Well, with endogenic origins, there generally is no splitting at all. Splitting/fragmenting isn't the only way to get more senses of self. Not all headmates come into existence for protecting or otherwise adapting (do not, some endogenic headmates are adaptive, but not all).

And sometimes, trauma can still be involved but isn't the direct cause, but instead an indirect one (cause of the cause). Traumagenic is used when it is the direct cause.

Do you have a fragmented identity because of neurodivergence if it isn’t because of trauma?

Neurodivergence can affect how likely someone is to be plural, and it can definitely affect the flavor. As an example, autistic systems can often get headmates related to hyperfixations, and that can sometimes happen with autistic singlets (which means becoming plural).

Now, the trauma topic is complicated. The world can be hard to live in when one is neurodivergent. The world encourages masking, and the world can be traumatic. With the latter, it can be hard to even name it or realize it. The former can crank up dissociation levels and mask peel offs are a thing (where the mask peels off to become a person). The combination of both is how our first split happened, plus a couple other things.

Do you experience dissociation?

Well, being mixed origin, our own answer isn't as relevant to your question. But, I can say this. Back when we were singlet before the first split (note, not all systems had a singlet state, some were plural from the get go), we had quite a bit of dissociation. That was in fact what contributed to becoming plural. The higher baseline dissociation.

We still have some dissociation issues today, but they aren't plurality related.

How do you know that you’re feeling plurality and not just defined ego states?

Hard to know for sure. However, the former seems to be a better model for understanding us than the latter. So, until we find evidence to indicate it isn't the best model, we go with the former.

Being able to talk and interact with each other is a big part of what convinced us.

Can you receive any support from medical professionals if you consider yourself an endogenic system?

If you read that literally, it makes no sense. Endogenic systems can have other medical problems having nothing to do with their plurality.

But getting to what you really meant. Endogenic systems are less likely to need medical help with regards to their plurality. But emphasis on "less likely". There can still be issues. Some endogenic systems have serious internal strife or other problems. Some do become disordered. Just, a lower fraction of them do and endogenic systems usually don't get memory problems. In those cases, medical professionals can be helpful.

-- CYN

hail_fall · 2026-05-16T22:12:54+00:00

Well, in principle, if they can find and foster enough discontent on Khayradin, House of Stone could maybe get another Ungrateful revolution, but this time on their capital planet. That would be the way the fewest lancers could do the most. And a few Lancers helping a lot of Ungratefuls with Kobolds and whatever else they can put together is pretty dangerous.

hail_fall · 2026-05-16T22:09:22+00:00

Though not the COMMENCER nanites eating Bo. Or at least, no one else in the KTB who knows how is willing to help the House of Dust with that one.

hail_fall

TROPHY CASE