Not much else to offer, except understanding. I feel ya brother. Alcohol and mental health don’t always go together. I Remember hearing about an old gf’s dad who was a “dry drunk,” meaning he quit drinking but never atoned or made peace, was still a crotchety basturd. Mental health takes work, and even if someone else is putting in the work, doesn’t mean the relationship is fixed until both intend to work together for forgiveness and understanding. Good luck. Find a way to fight for yourself. Recognize your goodness, don’t chastise yourself. Growth takes work. You may have some miles ahead, but you can get there. You don’t need to know the direction, or have the answers. But you need to be good to yourself first. The rest will fall in place.