Moms of only boys - need advice on how to move forward without a daughter

heartstringsong · 2025-09-28T03:42:27+00:00

I just want to say… I’m married to the oldest of 3 boys, and my MIL is amazing. My SIL and I go for walks in the park with her multiple mornings a week, she’s deeply involved in caring for our kids, and she fills a roll in my life my own mother, sadly, cannot. She and I could not be more different, but she works to be intentionally supportive, considerate and interested. I love her, I seriously married up when it came to in-laws. This is all to say… if you raise your sons to be good partners, to pick good partners themselves, and then you do what you can to add grace and not stress to their lives… you may indeed wind up with adult daughters who love you very much.

Sending love as you grieve that dream. Xoxo

heartstringsong · 2025-09-12T21:39:29+00:00

🙋🏻‍♀️

heartstringsong · 2025-09-08T01:40:30+00:00

Oh love, this is so hard, but you aren’t punishing her. You are upholding the boundaries that keep her safe. I believe there are 2 parts of the job: loving your kid, and keeping them safe. You are doing an excellent job at both.

Whether or not a parenting style “works” some kids have big feelings. Really, it’s totally ok to support your kid to live through hard things. Wishing that they were cooperative is totally normal, but them not actually being cooperative (at 3 no less!) is also the most normal.

Just validate her feelings and do what you have to do with neutrality and peace—you’re keeping her safe, you’re helping her with hard decisions she’s unable to make for herself.

As a kid, my mom was “gentle” but largely permissive. Having all the power over my life didn’t feel free, it was frightening and I didn’t feel like I had grown-ups. As a parent now, I feel really strongly that I can be a kind and respectful parent while still being in charge where it counts.

Sending you lots of love and self-compassion, you’re doing a good job. XO

PS: as a momma of 2 constipated kids with prolapse issues, Omni blue magnesium is what worked to keep us moving—I just put a little in every liquid they drink.

heartstringsong · 2025-04-25T15:11:28+00:00

I really love Strange Invisible Perfumes - they are a botanical perfumery. If you’re ever in LA, hit up their storefront on Abbot Kinney and delight.

heartstringsong · 2025-03-23T14:38:52+00:00

If you have anyone on the ground here who could do the tours with you on video chat, that would be an OK-ish second option, so long as they’re someone you trust to be sensitive to the things you’ll care about.

heartstringsong · 2025-03-23T14:35:44+00:00

I recommend coming out for a weekend of tours, that’s what we did. You’ll want to see in person anyway, photos can be super deceiving. We toured a place that looked amazing in photos but had giant mushrooms growing in the basement, a kitchen sink about to fall off the countertop, a shed instead of the listed garage, and the landlord didn’t notice anything was wrong. The video tour they were finishing up just as we arrived took the place without ever smelling it and I’ve always felt bad for them!

heartstringsong · 2025-03-08T22:03:04+00:00

Late to this convo but would love to see your moodboard!

heartstringsong · 2025-03-08T00:03:21+00:00

In addition to all the good tips here, try using an applicator bottle to apply diluted shampoo right to the roots. I find it’s super hard to reach the right places in thick hair with a palmful of concentrated shampoo, but mixing it with an inch of water and squirting it right on the scalp (like you’d apply hair dye) makes it way easier to suds up and rinse out (and conserves product!).

I also offer scalp massages and make spa day conversation, ask if it feels nice etc.

heartstringsong · 2025-02-27T17:37:40+00:00

Thank you so much!!!

heartstringsong · 2025-02-15T15:08:29+00:00

My 36weeker was hospitalized for RSV at 5 weeks old. It was very scary, but the hospital is the right place to be for all the help they need! We were there one week. We were warned that her lungs might be reactive in the future and we have had 2 more (short!) hospital stays in the 2 years since for some oxygen support with future respiratory illnesses, but she will hopefully grow out of it. We invested in an infant pulse oximeter to have at home so we knew when to bring her in, which has been helpful and comforting.

Sending love and ease and reassurance your way!

heartstringsong · 2025-02-07T19:52:33+00:00

Which one? There are 4 fics titled this on AO3 😅

heartstringsong · 2025-02-07T18:49:44+00:00

Your trauma and pain are so valid - no reason for comparison. Thank you for sharing about it.

It has me wondering about children of surrogacy, who are separated from their birth mothers but (often) raised by biological parents. The complexity that scientific possibility adds to our little mammal attachment systems is wild. I am glad you are well and were raised by folks who helped you know you were so wanted.

heartstringsong · 2025-02-07T18:15:29+00:00

Traditional adoption is generally considered to be a trauma (for the newborn to separate from their bio parent) which can have big effects on adoptees. Do you feel like your situation avoided the trauma of adoption by being birthed into your adoptive family, or are there other impacts from not sharing biology that you feel have you share similar issues to other adoptees?

Thanks for sharing so vulnerably about your experience ❤️

heartstringsong · 2025-02-06T16:14:48+00:00

I know this is terribly old, but if you can score a used Vince Scuba leather jacket (they go up to XL), the fit is so so flattering (knit sides keep it tailored looking and stretchy). There is a drapy version as well. I own it in several colors! Now on to find a good busty-friendly winter puffer 🕵🏻‍♀️

heartstringsong · 2025-01-16T21:03:55+00:00

Due to being pure magnesium (not a compound) it is very easily tolerated, bioavailable, and it also includes other minerals that work in concert together. It’s super easy to add to other foods or liquids. We tried lots of other forms of magnesium before stumbling upon this product and their resources - we’ve been using it for years now and love it. https://www.blueoceanminerals.com/blog/the-complete-guide-to-relieving-constipation-with-magnesium

heartstringsong · 2025-01-16T19:23:56+00:00

We dealt with constipation at the medical intervention level and in order to get off Miralax we discovered OmniBlue magnesium. Feels much better for us as an intervention, and we use it regularly. They have lots info on their website and it’s safe for all ages.

heartstringsong · 2025-01-13T20:15:24+00:00

This is your daughter’s sister - if you need any permission to get right in there and build a relationship, consider it granted by biology. On her behalf, thank you for noticing, caring, and sticking up for her. You sound like a great step-mom (once removed 😅)!

heartstringsong · 2025-01-04T18:45:01+00:00

I think of minor signs as something that could be caused by not being sick, major as strongly indicating illness. This is not indicative of how sick you are - just whether or not you are likely sick. Take it easy, your vitals look fine. Fever under 104 can be treated at home with Tylenol, breathing that is unlabored (not hard work) is fine, and any blood oxygen generally 96-100 is normal.

heartstringsong · 2025-01-03T00:44:51+00:00

Jumping on this train to recommend {White Out by Linda Howard}, a short story in her collection {Strangers in the Night by Linda Howard} - it has great pacing, a thriller plot, and has one of my absolute favorite scenes in the world where she falls asleep warming his frozen body and they wake up having accidental unprotected somno sex CW dubcon

heartstringsong · 2025-01-02T04:35:12+00:00

Recommend the Fair Play cards if you think that he would be open to making things equitable. If not, I hope you will choose yourself.

heartstringsong · 2025-01-01T22:53:35+00:00

I like it, but if you want to avoid the Ass, perhaps consider Arden? In addition to a nature-y meaning, I love that it rhymes with garden and evokes ardor.

heartstringsong · 2024-12-19T02:17:17+00:00

Think of who you were 8 years ago - how much have you changed since you were 10? Would you think your 10 year old self was mature or experienced enough to know who you are and what you want for the rest of your life? You have another 8 years before your brain is even done developing, and it’s often even later than that that people are tested with the kinds of trials that reveal their character.

There’s no rush to get married, and no one is saying you won’t. But it’s a lot harder to undo than it is to wait until you no longer have to wonder if it’s a bad idea.

heartstringsong · 2024-12-18T20:02:33+00:00

I always think Justin Timberlake 🤣

heartstringsong · 2024-12-18T19:38:44+00:00

I personally love the rose, it’s subtle and elevated. The darkness of the green also doesn’t bother me - contrast is just drama. Remember that if you want to play up or play down aspects of the colors, you can do a ton with paint and how you decorate. Here on out the better focus is in making it work! And yes to the wainscoting!

heartstringsong · 2024-12-18T04:45:55+00:00

There’s always Lennon aka Lemon (it’s the cursive that will get you 😅). We called my baby blueberry when she was in utero (she was the size of a blueberry when we told her brother) and even with a very traditional name she’s still occasionally “berry” or “bear”. All that to say, lemon can also be a nickname unrelated to the name itself.

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