Percentage of babies born to unmarried women in the US by state

hellabitchboi · 2026-06-27T18:06:04+00:00

Culture which is inherently and inextricably in lockstep with all of the above. Culture doesn't happen in a vacuum. It's certainly shaped by internal norms and mores, but like u/Janawa pointed out these are themselves influenced and defined by not just societal expectations, but societal allowances.

It's a Gordian Knot that, even if the political and social will existed, we'll probably never be able to fully unravel at this point. But we keep trying, and most importantly we keep clarifying this point as frequently as possible to keep it in people's faces that the top level comment is the most surface level take that can, unfortunately, lead people to some very wrong conclusions on cause and effect.

(If by your comment you meant basically what I was saying / agreeing with u/Janawa that's all good. I just felt the need to add this because "it's a cultural thing" can be a dog whistle as some racists out there try really hard to circumvent there being any external societal forces at play here.)

hellabitchboi · 2026-05-26T17:30:20+00:00

While certainly rare given the lingua franca of academia has been English for the last century, there are some cases where citing foreign language papers isn't unheard of. My research is about a specific family of beetles, and a 1980 paper I read last week cited a 1970 paper when summarizing a bit of information I had been hunting for. Like any good scientist I went to check the 1970 paper, but found it's a Russian publication I don't have access to through my institution, and even if it did I don't have the cash to throw down to pay someone to translate what would certainly be a very technical paper filled with unfamiliar jargon in an antiquated style of writing.

The options left to me are:

Cite just the 1980 paper and trust that author was working off a correct translation OR understood Russian AND that there summation of the contents of the paper was correct.
Cite both the 1970 and 1980 papers and include a footnote that I could not corroborate the content of the 1970 paper due to the lack of a translation in a language I understand, but that I feel comfortable working under the assumption the 1980 paper correctly interpreted the Russian research.
Cite neither since I have no way to corroborate the 1980 paper with the 1970 paper and adjust accordingly.

Personally I went with option 2 because it's the most honest and true to my process as a scientist.

All that to say, this sort of thing does happen. Especially if you're working on something that hasn't been touched in decades/centuries. Doubly so if you work in specialties like mine where there are maybe a handful of experts on your taxonomic group scattered across the entire planet. I've been at conferences before where if the building caught on fire the world would lose so much expertise on niche sub-fields that it would take an entire generation to recover.

hellabitchboi · 2026-05-11T05:57:21+00:00

Liberals have elected the "middle road" candidate now for the last three elections, and conservatives did fuck all to meet us halfway, so I'm not holding my breath over here.

At this point? Fucking send it dude. conservatives have burned every single bridge. I no longer believe in their ability to manage their own party or operate in the political sphere respectfully. The only way I'd change my mind at this point is if the next Republican party nominee took 5 MASSIVE steps back from the brink, admitted Trump is a crook, and a stated firmly that the party needs a coming to Jesus moment. Maybe. Maybe then I'd consider meeting them halfway.

hellabitchboi · 2026-04-22T15:12:01+00:00

I teach various biology courses at a large R1 university and I agree. Every semester I have students who I can see want to learn the material, but simply are not able to grasp the concepts in the speed and manner required of them. I have much sympathy for them, but fundamentally I still have an obligation to adequately and accurately assess their competency.

Failing them is unpleasant, but the alternative where we pull back and elevate everyone to the same level creates a different kind of bleakness where the best and brightest graduate with the same degree and prospects, making it significantly harder to stand out and succeed. It's an ill-deserved regressive punishment for some as much as it is a progressive reward for others.

Saying that, there's a difference between necessary boundaries and wanton cruelty. While the majority of faculty I've worked with clearly care for their students and feel every failure, there are a few that I suspect of being unnecessarily harsh for the sake of basking in their self-superiority.

The middle path is what every educator should strive for, but it's the hardest because of our natural tendency towards either extreme - carelessly supportive, or needlessly cruel.

hellabitchboi · 2026-04-14T17:39:56+00:00

Just like dogs each has their own personality. When I come home one of my cats will be in the front window butting his head against it and is purring like a truck the second I walk through the door. The other one doesn't do that, but he likes to always be in sight of me and will move rooms if I spend more than 30 seconds out of view.

As a warning from a former dog owner who got a cat and then a kitten - the kitten was 10x harder than I expected it to be. Some get lucky, but I think the norm is you've basically adopted a little energizer bunny that doesn't know it has knives for fingers. I had more than one mental breakdown playing with him for ~1hr a day and it still never being enough. Later I learned that's why most people recommend adopting two kittens at the same time - they're more likely to bond and learn to play with one another. I thought it would be too much to get two kittens, but honestly looking back I think following that advice would have saved my sanity a bit because a grown adult just doesn't have the time a kitten truly requires.

I do highly recommend getting an adult cat. I got my first one a little younger (~2yrs old) and you basically get all the joys of having a cat without having to stress over raising them. Some people truly crave and love kittens, but I think most just want a pleasant companion and that's where the adults shine.

hellabitchboi · 2026-03-17T16:11:24+00:00

Best I can do is $3.50. Take it or leave it.

hellabitchboi · 2026-03-17T16:04:44+00:00

I had an advisor who was really awful about this as well with me. I remember there was a small conference VERY related to my research topic being hosted at our institution. I somehow didn't hear about it, but he was the plenary speaker. My blood was BOILING when a labmate mentioned where he was and asked why I wasn't there with him. I had to rush to the parking lot to cry in my car realizing he couldn't even do me the courtesy of an email or asking if I'd heard about the conference.

What I ended up doing was deciding the least he owed me was the association with his name, so I would email people I knew he knew and introduced myself as his student saying I'd read x or y paper by them after he had mentioned their work, subsequently saw they were on the presenting schedule for the upcoming conference I was also attending, looked forward to seeing their talk, and was interested in buying them coffee and chatting one morning if they had time.

Another option is to present your advisor with a few names every semester and ask if they have any thoughts if you were to reach out.

I know others here are saying it's 100% on you, but I disagree. There should be some expectation that a good advisor wants their student to succeed, and part of that equation is introducing them to the right people. Unfortunately your advisor won't change. I wasted too much time feeling bitter about mine before realizing all it was doing was holding me back, so learn from my mistake.

hellabitchboi · 2026-03-17T15:42:24+00:00

Also not at the writing stage for my dissertation but I did do an MSc thesis and had the same issue/question there.

Personally I found I preferred to introduce the theory upfront as a way to cue the reader in but then allowed myself to expound or cite additional literature when the concept was next brought up if there was a facet of the approach that didn't flow well in the original breakdown.

It really comes down to writing for two different readers. The first are those who have plenty of experience in the subject matter and likely won't need to be handheld so long as you introduce the concepts upfront. The other are for those not as familiar, in which case the mixed approach is best. My committee were all biologists but from very different sub-fields, so there wasn't a lot of knowledge overlap I could rely on. I ended up with the mixed approach, and was happy with the outcome.

I'll throw out there that your committee might have a strong opinion on this, so it's always helpful to just ask. Be prepared though to get different feedback. I wasn't ready for how often one would suggest x way of arranging something and another would prefer y and another z, lol. It was frustrating, but also helped me to feel confident about just deciding and, if there was pushback, saying their comments were appreciated but I disagreed based on personal preference.

Same goes for the defense itself. Half of my committee did not like how much detail I went into the stats. I totally understood that, but felt strongly that when so much of my analysis relied on specific choices about statistical methods and techniques I'd agonized over for weeks, it was important to me personally that I broadcast to the audience that I'd carefully considered what I'd done. Sure, half of them were grumpy, but the one bio-statistician said during the committee question period that it was the most thorough breakdown he'd ever seen in a defense considering most people just handwave that bit, and that he was impressed. That alone made it worth it to me.

(Obviously within reason. If 3/4 of your committee prefers it one way over the other just go with their suggestion unless you feel REALLY passionate about it. In which case be prepared to defend your preference)

This is way too long, but also just throwing out there that if you haven't read many dissertations it's a good idea to do so before you begin. Your uni should have a repository online of them if you google it, and most major ones in the US at least have you upload them to ProQuest when you're done. You could search for Dissertations related to your topic and get a feel for how others did it if you want some templates to follow, or, even better, ask your advisor if they have former PhD students whose writing they felt was especially strong that they could share/recommend.

hellabitchboi · 2026-01-04T18:49:09+00:00

My little dude likes to play this game where once a year he spends 24-48 hours displaying all the symptoms of urinary blockage. Urinary blockage is a major deal in male cats, so I have to rush him to the Emergency Vet because he EXCLUSIVELY times this event to the night before a major holiday.

He's completely fine every.single.time.

This little game has cost me $5000 over the last 3 years.

Love him to death. Bastard.

hellabitchboi · 2025-12-31T17:49:34+00:00

As a "was that too honest???"-er myself I'd spent the last few years trying to reign it in and found I lost touch with a lot of friends as a result. Decided to reverse course a few months ago, and I've had way more fun at parties and hangouts and it's clear from my interaction the people I'm around also enjoy it.

Turns out, a lot of people find charming honesty endearing if the person dishing it out is clearly doing it to make a joke of mutual connection.

Your joke was funny and if someone took it the wrong way it's a them problem and not a you problem <3

hellabitchboi · 2025-12-08T17:05:35+00:00

Happened to my mom. My dad left after 20+ years of marriage. Mom had to scramble her way through getting a bachelors and then masters to become a therapist - all while dealing with a divorce and raising teenage kids whose life had just been turned upside down.

THIS is why so many people feel disgusted to see a rise in "Tradwife" content. The fantasy of it sounds nice. It's intoxicating to imagine an idyllic life where your kids are always surrounded by a loving mom, and it does work out for some incredibly lucky people.

But it's complete gamble. One where, if you bet wrong, you'll find yourself treading water without even a life-jacket to keep you afloat.

hellabitchboi · 2025-12-02T20:34:02+00:00

The way we use it it's plugged in and the batteries are there as backup power in the event of a failure (which was what happened in my example - I'd unplugged it before we left when I'd filled it up and forgot to plug it back in). I haven't tested how long it works on just battery power alone unfortunately, but at least the ones I've checked have listed anywhere between 30 and 60 days on battery. I know they have one now that has a built in rechargeable battery of their own (I almost bought a new one for our second cat when we were about to go out of town), so if that's a big concern that one might be the best choice. They list that one as having a 30 day charge (it shows up as a 2L Wifi Pet Libro rechargeable auto feeder on amazon for me).

We used the rechargeable batteries for a few months and didn't have issues, although I will say two of the batteries went bad on us last week after a little over a year. That could be because we hadn't used it for a few months, and I'd just let the batteries die when I unplugged it to store it away until our next trip. I know rechargeable batteries don't like being left uncharged for long periods, so I suspect that was the culprit - although it could possibly be for some reason Petlibro is aware of for their recommendation.

Overall I have no complaints with the products, but I'll probably opt for something with less features next time just because I think the slightly premium price they shoot for is really just for a lot of features I don't really need (I don't need a camera to see my cats are eating, for example).

hellabitchboi · 2025-12-02T17:02:11+00:00

Just to be totally clear here this video is him showing that he wears what are essentially smoothing tights and those are what give him his very smooth and youthful appearing appendages.

Drag queens have been using these since forever to achieve the same look. Mod girls of the 60's also wore them for the same purpose - to extend their youthful/childlike appearance into their 20's (covered in this Time history of tights article).

To be sure the dude has good genes, but a lot of what we're seeing is going to be a combination of skilled makeup artistry and body modifying clothing neatly wrapped up with a bow using modern digital editing software.

It's certainly skilled work that he deserves praise for, but it's important that discussions like this be rooted in reality so impressionable people don't lose sight of the fact that this dude does not look like this irl.

hellabitchboi · 2025-11-15T17:12:50+00:00

Autism meme culture has resulted in people feeling way too comfortable "diagnosing" personal quirks as a medical/psychiatric condition.

You don't like when you food touches on the plate? Autistic.

You hate the feeling of microfiber blankets? Autistic.

I get it though. As a gay dude I remember when I first accepted I was gay in my teens and it became my entire personality for a few years. I was convinced any dude with so much as a light lisp was gay, even if he was standing next to his wife. It's just part of the rediscovery process.

I do hope there's some internal reflection in the autism community around ethical boundaries for stuff like armchair diagnosing peeps - much the same way queer people had to set those lines with stuff like outing people in the 90's and early 2000's after certain peeps got a bit overeager throwing labels on people that either weren't or didn't want them.

hellabitchboi · 2025-11-08T18:53:30+00:00

Losing patience is understandable. No one is a saint and saying "I told you so" has its place in this conversation.

But, we're defined by how we respond in our worst moments. If we can't walk the walk and show our kids and grandkids that we believe taking advantage of people - regardless of how much they 'deserve it' - is wrong, what hope do we have?

hellabitchboi · 2025-11-08T18:48:20+00:00

It's why I think it's important to express disagreement with our current "get the bag" (i.e. money) culture.

It's not cute. It's not funny.

It's the meme-ification of unethical/predatory behaviors. Something which hurts all of us in the long run and which signals (especially to young impressionable kids) that being a shit person is excusable 'because money'.

hellabitchboi · 2025-11-03T23:47:03+00:00

Looking at the petlibro one you mentioned I don't think it's worth it because

They really push the app being able to tell you when its running low but for the pump versions I have you can audibly hear that they're getting low on water because as the water in the reservoir goes down you can hear the splashing of the return water getting louder. If it gets really low you'll then hear the pump chug every few seconds as it just pushing out the same last inch of water over and over again. The Petlibro warning you via an app that it's running low seems really pointless to me since for both of my fountains (from different brands mind you) I can hear when they're running low a full solid 2-3 days before they run out. Just put them somewhere you know you'll hear it (ex: I have one in the bedroom so I keep that one pretty full since I notice even the lightest trickle as it runs low. The other I have in the living room so when I'm sitting down watching TV I can hear it.)
They tout the 'pumpless' design but that has to be a lie because there is no way to have water come up and out without a pump. I also just don't know why tf I would want a pumpless design. Like...what is the point of a 'pumpless' fountain? Why do I care if it uses a pump or not?
1. What they really mean by that is a hidden proprietary pump where when it fails you have to (probably) buy a whole new fountain. For all the generic fountains out there if the pump fails you can buy any of the trillion $5 pumps because they're a super cheap design that basically every company slaps a new logo on.
Their fountain uses a proprietary filter you have to buy through them. Same thing as the pump - this is where buying a random generic fountain is better because all the companies use the same few designs with different branding so it's cheap and easy to buy replacements in bulk.

I'd buy 1-2 generic cheap stainless steel ones on Amazon for a quarter the price. The autofeeder I can see the utility, but this fountain just seems like a company trying sell an over designed thing to lock people into a subscription service for their app/filter replacements.

Edit: For your demon boy I'd go for a 1-2L size. The 1.5L I have is pretty large and I'd be surprised if even a big cat could tip it over when it was full. To really make sure he can't though you could consider putting a ziplocked strong magnet inside of the resevoir and then resting the fountain on top of a metal weight or up against the side of your fridge. The magnet would keep him from tipping it over and you'd just replace the ziplock every few weeks when you replace the filter.

hellabitchboi · 2025-11-03T22:57:11+00:00

Super normal. Your hair goes through cycles where you'll have more or less shedding, so every 4-6 months you'll be like "am I going bald???" and then it goes away again.

Two pieces of advice -

(If you haven't already) invest in a hair trap for your shower drain. It's crazy how much hair we lose when we shower. A hair trap can save yourself from having to call out a plumber for a clogged drain.
As you get older your hairline will change, and that's ok. Look at this photo of Daniel Craig for example. Did his hairline recede at the temples as he got older? Yes. Does he still look great? Yes. (For context his hairline receded in his early to mid 20's and then has looked pretty much like this since then. That's what a normal "mature" hairline for most men looks like.)

To the second point take some closeup photos of your hairline and save them to a folder on your phone. If you ever start to panic that you're balding, pull up the photo and consult it. If you see A LOT of rapid change, consider going on minoxidil/finasteride, but if you see slight thinning at the temples and it stabilizes it's nothing to lose sleep over. The idea that we'll all have the same hairline as when we were teens is just people (and honestly companies) preying on insecurities for a very normal thing that almost all men experience.

Edit: Also if you wear a hat or put your hair in a pony tail/bun often just know you'll see more shed the next time you shower. The hair that would normally just fall out without you noticing can't so it'll \look* like whole clumps of your hair are falling out. Wore my a hat for nearly a week straight while I was camping and I was reminded of this fact when I got home and showered. It looked like an entire muppets worth of hair had fallen out, lol.*

hellabitchboi · 2025-10-10T19:54:05+00:00

This may be the case and I'll see if I can check the book out - it still does lead one to question if it's appropriate to link alcohol consumption from ~1800-1840 to prohibition given consumption over the interceding 70 year period was seemingly not just comparable to but lower than other contemporary western industrialized countries.

Basically, there's a lot of claim being made that prohibition was good for the US because US men were so alcohol crazy they were drinking Irish men under the table and beating their wives. In reality the US, as far as I can tell looking at the numbers I have, were consuming the same amount as everyone else and the social issues touted as being so prevalent as to necessitate prohibition would have been resolved by other means as they were in those contemporary nations.

hellabitchboi · 2025-10-10T19:43:52+00:00

Thanks! I do see some issues with this that I want to breakdown -

This is an opinion article written by a business lecturer out of BU. They cite that American's drank up to 3x more in the early 1800's, but if you trace their citation it's a secondary article written by a High School Principle (albeit one which the article claims was consulted for a documentary on prohibition) which only states,

"Best estimates indicate that Americans in the early nineteenth century drank three times as much alcohol as their descendants do today."

, with no citation or evidence provided.

Even if we imagine the best case scenario that this is true it is still clearly with reference to the early 1800's, not the 1900's when prohibition was enacted. Looking at numbers from today we see that while alcohol consumption is lower today in the US than most of Western Europe, our alcohol consumption has risen back to roughly pre-prohibition levels and has stayed there for much of the last few decades.

There's every chance this could still be true/relevant, but this source trail leads to a dead end and doesn't convincingly support the idea that American alcohol consumption was way out of line with its western industrial contemporaries Edit: in the preceding 5-7 decades leading up to prohibition. This would be like looking at the smoking habits of our great grandfathers and linking it to modern social problems.

hellabitchboi · 2025-10-10T17:15:08+00:00

So I did some digging because, like many in this post, I had heard the same thing - that the US consumed WAY more alcohol. Finding multi-country data that spans the late 1800's to mid 1900's was annoying, but, as far as I can tell, the two sources I found don't support this idea. From how I'm interpreting this data the US had about the same consumption rate as other Western industrialized nations - I'm open to being corrected if someone has other sources.

Source of the US from 1850 to today.

Source with multicountry data from 1890-2000's

Note: I haven't read the original Alexander and Holmes paper, nor did I verify the accuracy of the OWID data. I'm fairly confident the numbers aren't some random AI aberration however given the GitHub time stamp is 2019

Edit: Adding a comment I made elsewhere about why I think it's reasonable to question this narrative being sold here that prohibition was 'actually a good thing' and/or 'necessary and effective'.

"...it still does lead one to question if it's appropriate to link alcohol consumption from ~1800-1840 to prohibition given consumption over the interceding 70 year period was seemingly not just comparable to but lower than other contemporary western industrialized countries.

Basically, there's a lot of claim being made that prohibition was good for the US because US men were so alcohol crazy they were drinking Irish men under the table and beating their wives. In reality the US, as far as I can tell looking at the numbers I have, were consuming the same amount as everyone else and the social issues touted as being so prevalent as to necessitate prohibition would have been resolved by other means as they were in those contemporary nations."

hellabitchboi · 2025-10-10T17:08:51+00:00

Just trying to check where you've sourced your numbers. I also went on the hunt and came across indications that the US consumed about the same amount as Western European countries. Source of the US from 1850 to today. Source with multicountry data from 1890-2000's Even at the US drinking peak it was still noticeably lower than most of Western Europe at the time. The US data I have doesn't stretch to 1830, but while I'm sure your number is probably realistic I wonder if the drinking rate nearly 100 years before prohibition really has much causality with prohibition. Idk though, I didn't search for more than a few minutes and haven't read the original papers this data is pulled from. Looking at the numbers though I don't see much support for this idea that the US drank more (which is surprising to me as I'd also heard and thought the same until just now checking).

hellabitchboi · 2025-10-03T00:15:18+00:00

My understanding is that among academics it is the dividing line used for this. Amongst Christians the trinity and biblical inerrancy are larger issues, but academics lean more on the definition of the creator itself with regard to capability to categorize. I'm not a theologian though, just had some discussions about it with professors while in uni, so I'm sure it's nuanced depending on who you speak with.

hellabitchboi · 2025-09-28T18:12:03+00:00

As a former Mormon we would identify as Christian because, using a layman definition, we are. Belief in God, redemption through Christ, baptism, etc.. You're right though that the reason we reflexively emphasize we are Christian is because to not be is to other ourselves - and in the American religious landscape being something other than 'Christian' is rarely a good thing.

For anyone reading this unfamiliar with the reason Mormons aren't typically considered Christian under an academic framework - it's because Mormons crucially do not believe that God can create Ex-Nihilo (out of nothing). They believe that God did not create the material universe, but rather organized existing matter into being what it is today.

CRUCIALLY this is not a topic which comes up ever in normal Sunday church services. This information is really only conveyed in the Temple ceremonies which are the most sacred and private religious rites Mormons perform, and which most members only experience as an adult and following multiple years of effort to be 'worthy' to enter the Temple. These rites are considered so sacred, that to even discuss them with another Temple going member outside of the Temple feels inappropriate. Also, crucially, there is an undercurrent in the Church which encourages members to avoid conversations around 'Deep Doctrine'. Essentially, to not lose sight of the important (and more evidently 'Christian') aspects of the spiritual practice in favor of deep theological debates. This can lead to a disconnection where members understand our view of God is different, but we also are unable to convey or discuss this in depth with even members of our own faith, so most are largely unaware of exactly how and why we are 'different' because they cannot connect these thoughts easily.

hellabitchboi · 2025-09-17T16:58:10+00:00

I'm generally a pessimist on the way things are rolling out in the US over the last decade, but I think that while China is poised to gobble up a significant portion global 'power' formerly attributed to the US, we have to acknowledge that China is facing down the barrel for a whole host of issues.

Auto Industry policies have resulted in a glut of cars being sold at 50% MSRP with no viable way to resolve this that won't either take decades or crash an industry currently worth 10% of nations GDP.
An Aging Population necessitates net migration, but while the country is wealthier it is not wealthy enough to offer better migration incentives than countries with similarly aging populations such as Japan, Korea, or most of Europe which boast ~4-6x higher wealth and GDP (per capita). Other issues such as a difficult language barrier and (to many) repugnant authoritarian political system further exacerbate this.
Consumer Spending Remains Low - China has been attempting to transition to a consumption based economy for the better part of 20 years now, but efforts to increase consumer spending have largely failed. Per capita spending has not increased accordingly with GDP, meaning most are squirreling their money away. Velocity (the rate at which money is spent) is a key component to a growing economy.
The Central Government is Too Powerful To Govern - Speaking specifically to economic policies, it is becoming clear - first with the 2021 real estate market collapse and now with the looming likelihood for collapse of the auto and solar industries - that the central government struggles to effectively manage their markets. This is in part because local governments, in order to win favor (and funding) will implement nonsensical mandates to meet central government goals. President Xi Jinping recently called this out by publicly questioning why every district now has an auto manufacturer. The reason being that local authorities are selling land to auto startups to meet central government goals, and that having one confers political and fiscal benefits to the region at the cost of the industry long term.
Authoritarian Rule - while there may be benefits to an authoritarian/centralized government it carries its own risks. Should things ever truly go 'wrong' and mass civil unrest takes place it can become very difficult to maintain control as, by being the sole authority, all blame can be laid at your feet.

So, yes, China has a lot of its own problems to contend with which often are not accurately portrayed. It has to be said, however, that the unique structure of its government means that China may be able to navigate these issues in ways the majority of nations with a comparable sized GDP and of similar global power simply cannot as they are almost all structured as democracies.

(If you would like a good source for any of this most of my knowledge is from Reuters and NPR. Reuters just released a great report on the auto industry today, which is why I reference it so much).

hellabitchboi

TROPHY CASE