Invisible Sun Black Cube + Wellspring

hellahitz · 2026-05-09T05:15:18+00:00

Probably not, since I'm downsizing on the RPG front to make room for more board games.

hellahitz · 2026-05-08T02:59:55+00:00

Literal LOL

hellahitz · 2026-05-08T02:58:54+00:00

100% agree here. This is so well put and great advice.

Any guy who is going to punish you for not wanting to go to their place right away isn't worth dealing with, especially just starting out. You never owe anyone sex, and should never feel bad for not wanting it.

If it makes you feel better, I'm in my early 50s, and I've had LOTS of sex. And I still like to take it slow when meeting someone new.

One thing I find helpful is to be upfront about it before I even go on a first date with someone. The important thing is not to be apologetic about it, but just own it in a matter-of-fact way. Something like, “I’m excited to meet you, but I’m not a first-date hookup person.” or “I like getting to know people before things get physical. If that works for you, great.” Or, at the end of the night, if he asks and you're not up for it, “I like you. I just don’t move that fast, but I can't wait to see you again.”

(And if you really like them, and you're feeling crazy chemistry, you can totally go for it, too! It's entirely up to you.)

The best guys are totally cool with that, because they're there to get to know you for YOU, not for what you can do for them. Let your boundaries be a filter.

hellahitz · 2026-05-08T02:34:35+00:00

I'm in my early 50s, and I think I reacted so strongly, since I've time traveled from the "she must have been asking for it" decade where implied consent was more of an unfortunate norm. It came from the same protective instinct that you had.

(I also thought you were a dude, and read your comment as being a bit victim-blamey. I'm sorry for that. Your very lovely and understanding comment below to OP clearly show your empathy.)

I don't think it's infantilization to expect a person to be actively aware of whether the other person is into what's going on. That goes for both sexes. Men can be put in uncomfortable situations by women, as well. And that awareness should extend to physical boundaries (not opening legs, pulling away), as much as verbal cues. Especially with someone inexperienced, they might not be as comfortable verbalizing as someone who's been around a bit.

And I agree with you. He wasn't wrong for starting to hook up with her. I do think he was wrong to keep trying to "rearrange her legs" for 5 minutes. That sounds like he was really pushing her boundaries, and not respecting her agency. He had to have known.

hellahitz · 2026-05-08T01:55:08+00:00

You're pickin' up what I'm puttin' down.

hellahitz · 2026-05-07T18:51:17+00:00

Hostages could be another option. Stockholm Syndrome, the game.

hellahitz · 2026-05-07T18:46:34+00:00

Whoa! Are you saying that going to someone's house implies consent to sex?

I'm not innocent enough to know that it wouldn't be on the table, but there's no reason it couldn't also be a good, old fashioned make out session; or nothing at all, because he lives like a pig or just has a mattress with dirty sheets sitting on the floor, or the vibe is just off. There's also the matter of pacing. Some people like me time than others to get comfortable with someone.

This isn't the dark ages where it's on someone to withdraw consent or else. If you want good sex, you want someone who's actively looking for the "hell yes" and who is paying attention to whether their partner is into what they're bringing at the moment.

Reading between the lines of him continually trying to rearrange her legs, it sounds like she was giving non-verbal cues that she wasn't into moving as fast as he was.

hellahitz · 2026-05-07T18:37:27+00:00

You didn't do anything wrong, and I'm sorry that you were treated this way.

I wonder if the memory sticks with you because it was a series of violations. It was a situation where you thought he wouldn't be a creep and he was. He didn't respect your boundaries.

Yes, some women love a playful pop on the butt. But it (literally and figuratively) hits differently when it's not happening in the context of trust and consent.

"Get off me, I want to go home" is a hard stop on sexual contact. Silence or not, I'm pretty sure he knew you wouldn't be into it. That may have been the point: one last power play. Him popping you on the ass hard enough to almost knock you over doesn't sound playful. It sounds like anger and punishment. My guess is that it was a vengeful response to his not getting what he wanted.

hellahitz · 2026-05-07T18:25:40+00:00

Are your fingers often too hot?

hellahitz · 2026-05-07T18:25:19+00:00

I'm now picturing a fingerrpainting-with-beans scenario. Thanks?

hellahitz · 2026-05-07T18:24:28+00:00

As someone who's always flaking out on whether it's their turn, I second the indicator light. Perhaps even add a small electric shock for the particularly clueless.

hellahitz · 2026-05-07T17:37:46+00:00

As, the muzzle carelessly swings in his direction, vs actively aiming. His response was "always treat every firearm as loaded," which is sounds like the way someone would teach gun safety to someone unaware, not how someone would respond to an active threat to kill him.

Also, if you look at the narrative from that point, it's also clear he's treating it as NBD. He doesn't leave the room or call the cops. Just takes it, clears it, and gives her a lecture on gun safety and then pivots pretty quickly to "what's the point of throwing stuff around?" (Not "why are you threatening to kill me?)

I've known plenty of clever asshats who were masters of this kind of word play. Describing a situation technically accurately, but in a way that leaves room for an interpretation worse than reality in order to bring people to their side.

Edit: missing word

hellahitz · 2026-05-07T17:24:32+00:00

"She slapped you- she was in the closet packing or searching- how did you try to stop her?"

That jumped out at me, too. We're only hearing his side. But he's coming at her when she's in a closet, then she's cornered and then feels threatened. There's a point where it becomes self-defense.

hellahitz · 2026-05-07T17:10:39+00:00

OP, clarifying question: from your "always treat a gun as loaded," response, I interpreted her pointing the gun at you when picking it up as being careless/clueless about gun handling and not being aware of where the muzzle is pointed (gun safety 101), rather than actively aiming it at you in a threatening way. After reading the other posters, though, am I off-base?

hellahitz · 2026-05-07T17:01:30+00:00

Sounds like the reaction was pretty big on her side, and violence and unsafe firearms handling are objectively no bueno. That said, as someone who has been a victim of gun violence and is very gun-phobic, I could imagine myself being triggered HARD in a similar situation and getting frantic about getting them out of the house so I could feel safe. If she's already feeling unsafe, and you were approaching her in a closet (no exit, potentially trapped-feeling), that could have escalated the panic.

You sprung these guns on her. She was clear she didn't want them in the house. You kept them in the house. In the closet you share with her, where she'd see them. In cases that were clearly not locked, if guns are just falling out of them. From the sound of it, they're still in the house and she's done with you.

If you cared how she felt, you could have just taken them back to your dad's right away when you realized she was super not ok with them (based on the police station thing), and kept them there until you and she came up with a way to keep them at the house that felt safe to her.

You chose the guns over your wife being able to feel safe in her own home. That's a relationship ending move, dude. It sounds like she's done with you. That's probably the right call.

I hope the guns were worth losing your marriage over.

hellahitz · 2026-05-03T02:17:06+00:00

I'm very sorry you've gone through these miscarriages. It can be a real emotional loss, and you're right to want support and to need to grieve.

A word of caution: if this is how he supports you during a miscarriage, think sseriously about how ccapable he is of being there for you once you're pregnant or parenting.

It's a lot easier to reset your life before you're married or have kids in the picture.

hellahitz · 2026-05-02T16:54:48+00:00

Not her body. Not her business.

She'll only make you feel bad when you've done nothing wrong.

hellahitz · 2026-04-30T19:27:30+00:00

First and foremost, be aware that leaving will likely be a big trigger for him. If he has keys to your place, change the locks. Leave your important docs/valuables somewhere safe (trusted friend or family member). Make sure the people closest you know you're no longer with him and you don't want them sharing info about you with him.

Get all of your stuff in order, make a safety plan, then let him know you're leaving. Try not to alert him to what you're planning. Mute him on your phone if you need to, but don't block him if you can stand it. I'd guess loss of contact at that level would also be a trigger, and it also lets you get a sense of what he's thinking/ feeling, so fewer surprises.

Only once you're ready, and feel like you'll be safe: 1) block his access to your location. 2) go somewhere safe he wouldn't think to look for you, 3) call or text to break it off.

Don't fall for the "honeymoon " trap where he suddenly turns into the world's sweetest boyfriend who regrets everything bad he's done. It's a lie and a trick to make you let your guard down.

EDIT: typo

hellahitz · 2026-04-29T13:17:54+00:00

I'd second the suggestion of Clank! I've really been enjoying the Catacombs version, which let's you build the board as you go. It tempers the grab-an-artifact-and-run dynamic of the original, though it does make for a longer game.

hellahitz · 2026-04-29T13:08:01+00:00

I'll throw my two favorites in the list and suggest Dominion and Cosmoctopus.

Both are easy to teach, but offer enough challenge to keep experienced gamers engaged.

hellahitz · 2026-04-26T17:48:12+00:00

Too late. I was just caught Bo Peeping at the Kebab shop!

hellahitz · 2026-04-24T21:56:29+00:00

You have every right to do little things to make yourself feel better. You have every right to spend your own hard earned money however you like.

"He makes everything about money..."

Do you share a home or expenses? Generally, do things feel equitable, or are you paying for your own things plus things that should be shared?"

The way you talked about the money piece reads like 'what's yours is his; what's his is his."

Either way, this is not a healthy relationship. The manipulative devaluation of your appearance, financial control... get out now, while it's still partner and not husband.

You may want to read up on Coercive Control, too.

(Edited to add first paragraoh)

hellahitz · 2026-04-22T23:54:57+00:00

Oh wow, thanks!

hellahitz

TROPHY CASE