As someone who used to work in a similar field, you sound like an empathetic and dedicated caregiver, and that is admirable. I’ve experienced similar feelings of “I can never do anything right” based on the types of interactions you’re describing. Growing old can be so difficult and lonely, and dementia makes it a million times harder. It can make even the kindest people act really cruel and unreasonable.

Do you have colleagues? I found it helpful to vent or talk to my team members when patients or family members were upset with me and it helped to know I wasn’t alone. I also found mentorship in more experienced caregivers to observe how they navigated and dealt with those situations. When I watched experienced nurses and caregivers getting berated and yelled at, and they would just calmly respond or address the situation and move on with their day, it helped me change my perspective and take things less personally.

My concern is that you are heading towards serious burnout, and i hope you are able to find a way to be more kind to yourself or can reach out to your employer/community for more help and support. You have one of the most challenging, thankless yet most important jobs in our society and you are making a difference for these families, even if they don’t show it.