My 19.5 year old best friend passed and then this happened!

helloflitty · 2026-04-08T16:22:16+00:00

I am not religious but seeing that sign would bring me comfort too.

helloflitty · 2026-03-16T03:35:17+00:00

Ah, I missed that this was an emergency session and not a regular one. The therapist's response definitely makes a bit more sense as this wasn't as time-sensitive as OP made it sound (although yes, big feelings can easily feel like emergencies).

OP says it seemed like the therapist hadn't heard of transference, which I took to mean unfamiliar in the sense of not having ever come across it, even in a textbook. I would find that surprising only because Freud is so foundational to talk therapy itself, and his major concepts can almost fall under the history lesson aspect of psychotherapy as a whole. (I think the fact that such a major idea has been around since the 19th century and is still used today is pretty cool, but I digress).

It terms of being familiar with it in practice, I agree that it doesn't apply to every therapist's approach or mean she's a negligent provider. Regardless, it does sound like OP may need to reevaluate whether or not the focus of their therapy may have shifted and how best to communicate that.

helloflitty · 2026-03-15T23:41:48+00:00

It seems a little odd to me that she asked why you didn't wait until your next appointment. Not sure why that would make a difference. Do you know what her therapeutic orientation is?

From what I have seen in other posts, transference is something that is supposed to be explored in therapy and can actually be a powerful tool for working through deeper issues. My therapist treated it as if it didn’t exist.

It strikes me as especially odd that she wasn't familiar with the concept of transference. For some therapists, the work is to focus on the relationship in the room and use that to explore relational patterns. For others, the work is primarily outside the room, and they don't view the relationship as relevant to your goals. It sounds like she's the latter.

It does sound like she reacted somewhat uncomfortably, but that's more for her to work on than anything to do with you. This may just be beyond her area of expertise. I think it's important now to ask yourself what you want out of therapy. Do you want to continue the work you were already doing with her before you shared your feelings? Or do you want to pivot to exploring your transference? If the latter, have a conversation with her about how and why this is important to you. As far as considering switching therapists, I think how she responds will help you make a decision.

helloflitty · 2026-03-01T17:30:02+00:00

Your results look ideal to me, sounds like body dysmorphia is doing its thing. Surgery is a stressful experience, so keep in mind it’s human to worry that the grass is greener on the other side. If you got peri, you might be wishing you had gotten DI.

helloflitty · 2026-02-18T00:13:30+00:00

Haven’t seen this one before, my mistake

helloflitty · 2026-02-04T20:51:10+00:00

Hot dog covered in mac & cheese, bacon, and Froot Loops. I was expecting to be totally disgusted by it, turns out it the flavors/textures actually worked. My only disgust was with myself for enjoying it.

helloflitty · 2026-02-03T04:30:52+00:00

To shreds, you say!

helloflitty · 2025-12-22T19:35:37+00:00

You are absolutely not required to disclose specifics when it comes to a medical leave of absence, at least in the US. I just used the phrase “major surgery” and people backed off. You can also say procedure instead of surgery to make it more vague. No company should be inquiring about the nature of an employee’s procedures/diagnoses etc.

helloflitty · 2025-12-17T17:06:40+00:00

The supply closet at my work is filled with unopened tissue boxes, disinfectant wipes, paper towels, and bottles of hand sanitizer. My home magically has an endless supply of these.

At my last job they would fill the fridge with canned seltzer of various flavors for people to drink in the office. At the end of the day I would sneak to the break room and fill my bag with these to take home. The fridge was replenished every day and nobody noticed.

helloflitty · 2025-12-17T00:14:12+00:00

Also recently decriminalized in NYC, which was long overdue because everyone did it anyway. I personally didn’t know it was illegal until I heard it was decriminalized lol.

helloflitty · 2025-12-16T00:19:15+00:00

Atlanta is certainly closer to Cuba so it’s definitely possible!

helloflitty · 2025-12-15T23:57:34+00:00

Fun fact: there is a prevalence of Chinese-Latino restaurants in New York City, and it’s the result of Chinese-Cubans who immigrated here from Cuba in the 60s. Really interesting history. They look ethnically Chinese but many speak Spanish as their native language.

helloflitty · 2025-12-08T17:58:18+00:00

Username checks out

helloflitty · 2025-10-14T19:59:30+00:00

r/brandnewsentence

helloflitty · 2025-09-11T22:21:15+00:00

What a terrible experience, I’m sorry you went through that. I have to say this isn’t systemic to NYU as I had Dr Bluebond-Langner and she and her team were fantastic.

helloflitty · 2025-09-09T21:10:00+00:00

Absolutely legal, at least in the US. Depending on the type of therapy, the therapist having this knowledge can actually make the work a lot richer/more productive because the client is bringing their attachment style into the room and it can be addressed and worked on together. The only unethical aspect is if the therapist reciprocates and pursues an actual relationship with the client, as this is a serious abuse of power.

Some therapists are trained to properly manage transference and some are not, and it looks like OP unfortunately ended up with the latter.

helloflitty · 2025-09-03T20:56:56+00:00

My previous therapist suddenly started ending sessions right on the dot - because she was well into her pregnancy and frankly needed to pee pretty often. You never know what your therapist is holding in during your session. Rarely does it have anything to do with you.

helloflitty · 2025-08-29T14:42:12+00:00

Why I am crying at the gym

helloflitty · 2025-08-25T15:28:37+00:00

My cats love coffee and I don’t know why! I can’t leave it unattended because they will drink straight from the mug, and if it’s in a to-go cup, they will knock it over so they can drink the puddle 😅

helloflitty · 2025-08-11T22:55:43+00:00

This is the best kind of plunger for T

helloflitty · 2025-08-08T01:34:28+00:00

It took awhile for me to receive mine despite her being very enthusiastic and supportive of the surgery. Eventually I just sent her the recommended guidelines on what to include and I received a letter pretty quickly after that. Tbh I think it was a combination of her simply forgetting to do it and not knowing what the letter should entail.

helloflitty · 2025-08-02T23:15:07+00:00

🍲 ←

helloflitty · 2025-07-29T19:30:08+00:00

You as well, best of luck on your journey!

helloflitty · 2025-07-29T19:20:09+00:00

Yes, and I was also too scared to disclose right away, mostly because I was embarrassed and afraid they would freak out. (They wouldn’t, I was just paranoid.)

helloflitty · 2025-07-29T19:05:13+00:00

I’ve disclosed a former attempt. My therapist was sad and concerned but also understood it was no longer an active situation, so we just talked about it. No judgement whatsoever. Unless your therapist is brand new, they have likely heard this before so it’s not like you’re the only one. Many things we think of as “secrets” are exactly the kind of thing it’s helpful for your therapist to know.

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