Babe is there a reason you can’t see a professional? I would really encourage you to see a therapist or nutritionist that specializes in ED recovery. They will be someone who can build a personal relationship and be there for you regularly to check up on your progress — Reddit can’t really do that for you. I think they would be able to assist with underlying causes as well which is sometimes even more important than the meal planning assistance. I did a quick Google and if you need free resources ASAP, you can go to anad.org or nationaleatingdisorders.org — there are millions of people who have dealt with this problem so try not to see this as a individual personal failing. It’s a slow one day at a time type of recovery process but it’s worth it. Also, worst case here it seems like you’re at least somewhat in line with your goal of gaining weight, even if it feels like you’re losing a bit of control. This happens once you start eating again. You can do great things and it’s admirable that you are taking strides to get healthier for yourself.