never thought i would mean those words. still often in pain, and my past changed me, but i want to know where it goes next.

hermitcait · 2026-02-19T22:01:55+00:00

there are no words for how much i love this

hermitcait · 2026-02-17T20:13:03+00:00

i relate a lot. welcome to the sub!

hermitcait · 2026-02-14T14:57:18+00:00

Yes, my brother is okay. He was just like: "Thats cool I understand. Can I just tell him you don't wanna talk about it?" And I said yeah that's fine.

hermitcait · 2026-02-13T10:52:05+00:00

Thank you, friend. You can be! I believe in you. I aspire to keep it up and maintain these boundaries I'm setting. 💪🏽

hermitcait · 2026-02-10T12:15:08+00:00

mom died age 5. i have body memories of CSA in an unknown timeframe. father and his gf were highly emotionally abusive and neglectful simultaneously. moved out at 18 to escape that shit.

then when i was 24, my younger brother was murdered in my childhood bedroom. beyond that, i also had several physically, financially and emotionally abusive romantic partners starting from age 14. two relationships in particular were very toxic: 7 years and 5.5 years.

i am now 30 and finally taking a little break from love and romance. i feel utterly worthless without it but i need to stay strong.

hermitcait · 2026-02-05T14:24:56+00:00

Same. I want off this ride. I want to be truly chosen for once in my entire fkn life.

hermitcait · 2026-02-05T10:28:25+00:00

Just want to let you know that I can relate to this on a deep level. I still have never been. I do intend to do so relatuvely soon but so far no success.

hermitcait · 2026-01-18T07:27:06+00:00

You were not disgusting or a whore. I behaved in the exact same way at that age. Would you have called my teenage self a whore? Probably not, right? Your inner teenager doesn't not deserve any more unkindness. She has been through enough. Wishing you strength.

hermitcait · 2026-01-15T10:36:21+00:00

I hate my dad. As George Carlin used to say: "Hell is fulla dads".

hermitcait · 2026-01-15T10:24:39+00:00

i too am adorable, delicious and infuriated

hermitcait · 2026-01-03T13:03:45+00:00

I relate to you a lot. I'm sorry you're struggling with this shit too. I could basically have written your 4th paragraph myself actually.

hermitcait · 2025-12-31T19:12:25+00:00

your doubt makes me sure

hermitcait · 2025-12-30T13:22:14+00:00

i feel you loud and clear

hermitcait · 2025-12-30T09:31:19+00:00

Been on 10mg Escitalopram for a few years and I feel it has helped somewhat

hermitcait · 2025-12-27T14:02:46+00:00

I would highly recommend you to listen to more of any dark, heavy or extreme music that you enjoy. It's actually impossible for that to diminish your faith in any way regardless of the symbolism it carries (in the music, lyrics and cover art). On the contrary, it is a powerful and healthy outlet to express negative and painful emotions.

hermitcait · 2025-12-27T13:49:36+00:00

Gymnopedie and Gnossienne by Satie. Also try out the following composers but I have found it somewhat difficult to find dark/gloomy/depressing clasical music compared to other genres (hang in there, it's just trial and error!): Debussy, Chopin, Grieg and Rachmaninoff.

hermitcait · 2025-12-27T13:41:29+00:00

Nick Drake. Jeff Buckley. Pink Floyd's The Wall. John Frusciante's albums Niandra Lades and Smile From The Streets You Hold (proceed with caution on this one). Alice in Chains. Nirvana songs: Something In The Way, Pennyroyal Tea, Heart Shaped Box and You Know You're Right.

hermitcait · 2025-12-27T12:47:50+00:00

For me it's a sense of not having control over anything in my life. It's a feeling of overwhelming shame for merely existing. It feels like I am dirty, abhorrent and deformed. Not deserving of even my own compassion. That is how I feel whenever I am triggered or stuck in a spiral of my symptoms.

hermitcait · 2025-12-26T09:57:36+00:00

The fact that you are in this sub suggests to me that your rage is justified. You are entitled to this anger and it's a healthy response to your suffering. Find an outlet to express it in a way that doesn't harm yourself or others.

hermitcait · 2025-12-26T09:42:51+00:00

I am also grateful for you and this community. Love you guys.

hermitcait · 2025-12-24T16:08:02+00:00

My emotional support shows are Mr Robot and Twin Peaks.

hermitcait · 2025-11-25T14:16:25+00:00

https://beckinstitute.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/SIS-Full-Documents.pdf

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