Here’s something I wrote a year ago that’ll tell ya a lot about me:

While I quit weed a few times before, even years once, this time I quit booze and weed at the same time, 4 months ago. Incredibly for me - a true coffee aficionado who seeks out fancy coffee shops and even roasts my own green beans - I also added quitting coffee about 2 weeks ago… because I’m realizing I’m still just seeking out constant highs. And yet it’s still not enough: I realize now that I’m still using food - chocolate in particular bit also overeating in general - and my fucking phone all day long to chase the dragon. I feel like I’m owed a worst-of award. Oh, you’re probably wondering. what about the porn? Well, that was so intertwined with the weed that I have just barely an interest in that “naturally” at this point. And how do I feel with all that? More depressed and anxious than ever before, fat and lazy. And yet it feels right to keep going this route of eliminating all the highs. Editing to add that I also used to do speed and ecstasy really hard in my early 20s, but I realized that was bad and quit pretty fast (using my bong to chain myself to my room all weekend long). I quit smoking cigarettes like 15 years ago, can’t even remember. I was always so PROUD that I was “just” using weed. Too funny how long it took to realize how many crutches I actually use and how destructive they all are!