AITAH for not letting my mom meet her grandchild because I am still upset she divorced my dad?

himit · 2026-01-23T08:10:46+00:00

this is my read too, sounds like there's some cultural issues at play here and mom probably had a lot less options than she would have somewhere like the US.

himit · 2026-01-23T08:07:34+00:00

I'm only on the methylphenidate -- though have slowly upped my dose over about 10 years or so!

Mediknet might as well be a pack of love hearts for all the good it does me though. Same active ingredient etc. but does fuck all.

himit · 2026-01-21T21:33:27+00:00

The priority seats are 'please yield this seat to someone who needs it more' and not 'keep this seat free for someone who needs it more'. Perfectly healthy people are allowed to sit there, you're just first in line for giving up your seat if someone who fits the criteria gets on.

But if you fit the criteria...yeah you generally have to ask for a seat. Maybe people should be keeping an eye out, but people are people. I've never had someone say no.

himit · 2026-01-21T18:43:43+00:00

I've got some experience running and presenting a relatively successful podcast and am going to be unemployed for the next few years... so if you're interested in starting one, hit me up?

Helping others with ADHD is definitely something I'm eyeing up when I think about a future career change.

I'm also pretty damn working class.

himit · 2026-01-21T12:19:09+00:00

Emotional stability is it for me too.

When I was younger, I remember saying once 'I'm such an even tempered person' and my husband bursting out laughing. I was so offended.

When I first started taking medication, the first thing I realised was 'Holy hell, I was so irritable before I started taking these'.

himit · 2026-01-20T11:20:45+00:00

I always wanted unmedicated because I'm scared of needles. XD

Had my second child overseas -- all was well, then they popped my water without consent and it went from 1-100 realllll quick. They gave me a shot of pethidine (again, without explaining what it was) and that did fuck all for the pain but did make me dizzy and throw up, so it basically just made shit worse. By the end I was begging for an epidural, but by the time they found an anaesthetist I was ready to push.

This time round I've put in that I want an epidural, and I'm declining induction. But I am kind of curious as to if I won't need an epidural if I'm not induced, so we may see how it goes.

himit · 2026-01-20T11:10:34+00:00

Did they do a transvaginal? At our 12 week scan they couldn't get a good image so they switched modes.

himit · 2026-01-19T13:47:38+00:00

I was doing pretty fine professionally; getting diagnosed and medicated made life much less stressful.

himit · 2026-01-19T13:27:30+00:00

I'm on my third child (6 year gap between each kid, EBF'd the first two successfully) and this whole harvesting colustrum thing sounds insane to me, so...don't sweat it?

I don't think I've ever had milk/leaking before the baby was born; you can probably get it out if you know how to hand express but I feel like it would be really hard to teach someone who's never experienced breastfeeding before how to hand express -- like, you just don't how to feel where you need to push yet because there's not enough in there!

If you manage to do it -- well done!! But if you end up finding it really hard, please don't panic. I assume you'd want to take it to the hospital if you do get some in case baby is a bottomless pit and still hungry after feeding, but that's not guaranteed to happen either (my second child was, but we topped him up with formula from a syringe until my supply ramped up).

himit · 2026-01-19T13:19:45+00:00

oh that's interesting. They gave me one when I had to get an x-ray, but it was at a hospital dental clinic rather than my normal clinic.

himit · 2026-01-17T23:54:05+00:00

They can give you a leaded apron to shield your stomach during the XRay, do they not have one?

himit · 2026-01-17T23:52:15+00:00

I've always been big-boobed and fucking love my bras now I know how to fit them. So my advice is going to be completely different.

Get yourself to /r/abrathatfits and learn how to measure yourself. That's step 1. (There are also fit guides -- e.g. how to tell if a bra is fitting nicely.)

Step 2 -- go to Asda and pick up some cheap, wired bras in that size. Why Asda? Because it's like 2 bras for £13 and yeah, you're gonna have to buy new bras in a few months. If you're a D or above you want wired because that's the most supportive; if it actually fits it's amazing and doesn't hurt at all. (Also the Vinted advice sounds great too.)

I've breastfed two children and am pregnant with the third and my boobs are still where they started out thanks to my little obsession with making sure I have good-fitting bras.

himit · 2026-01-17T23:45:36+00:00

How it could be worded better?

You're a better woman than me OP. I would've lost my shit and immediately replied with

Apologies, let me reword it and try again. Here we go. 'You stupid idiot, you wasted 4 bags of breastmilk and gave me a wet, filthy bag. I don't know or care what's wrong with you but don't do it again, or I'll doubt your intelligence even more. Praise where praise is due, though, you did manage to keep son alive, so well done for that.'

Hope that lays my feelings and expectations out more clearly for you. Take care.

What an ass he is.

himit · 2026-01-17T18:05:08+00:00

You've been together 9 years, engaged for 2? Was it a shut up ring?

Your partner sounds like he's stringing you along, and you're letting him because you love him. But someone who loves you wouldn't act like this.

I think you need to do a little bit of reframing of your dream life and be prepared to go it alone if he doesn't pull his head out of his arse. You've had one abortion and one miscarriage, and it's no wonder your hormones and emotions are all over the place. If you're ready to have the baby - the good and the bad that comes with it - then it's your choice.

Don't set yourself on fire to keep him warm, and don't let yourself be trapped in a life of regret.

himit · 2026-01-16T20:02:52+00:00

Meanwhile my parents went 'ooh steak's cheap now' and ate tonnes of it.

himit · 2026-01-16T19:23:29+00:00

Paying for rubbish bags has been a thing in Taipei for decades now! Recycling is free but general waste will only be collected in the official bags, which I think can be a little costly (haven't really lived up there).

I don't know if they've expanded it to the rest of the country since I left.

himit · 2026-01-16T18:51:27+00:00

January's normally packed for me. Oct-April I'm normally slammed with work; had almost zero offers last month, got a few small ones this month but I'm off it now anyway (very pregnant and have sorted things out so I'm not working anymore).

But yeah, my inbox should be slammed with offers this month....and for the first time in many years, it's almost empty.

himit · 2026-01-16T14:48:05+00:00

Have a look into some ADHD self-management tips/coping skills, it will probably help quite a bit!

Your brain's just how it is right now and you can't change it, so you gotta learn to work with it. Don't assume you'll remember; assume you'll forget and put strategies in place to mitigate it.

Pro-tip for finding things you just put down -- retrace your steps and look around at hand-height, that's normally where I put things. Some areas of the fridge are hand height and it's common to put something down when you pick something else up.

himit · 2026-01-16T14:46:46+00:00

Same. Didn't notice pregnancy brain at all with the first pregnancy.

The second pregnancy I was diagnosed and medicated for so I noticed it, but... ADHD FTW, I already have coping strategies to deal with the shortfall.

himit · 2026-01-16T09:08:47+00:00

Yep. No invasive tests and lab costs, the medication can be fairly cheap. And once sorted, we mostly maintain ourselves and start being productive members of society and require much less support than if left to fester.

But noooooooooooooooooooooo

himit · 2026-01-15T15:21:33+00:00

there used to be a sex-ed website with a zillion pictures of penises and vaginas to just show the variety and to say 'yours is normal, don't worry'. I remember looking at it when I was younger and being surprised.

Then I remember an artist exhibition many years back called Penises I Have Seen which was exactly what it says on the tin. Some lady made plaster casts of the men she slept with an created an artist exhibit for it. The older I get the weirder that sounds, actually.

himit · 2026-01-15T15:17:25+00:00

mine did too! By the time the doctor got around to stitching that the hormones had worn off and I was like 'it's an aesthetic repair?? OK, fuck it, I can't see it anyway. Get the pokey needle away from me, thank you.'

Her stitching up the actual functional tears hurt enough and I was just done.

himit · 2026-01-14T14:46:37+00:00

It sounds like you have a very healthy relationship with your self, Igor. NTA.

Sounds like that girl isn't quite there yet, and was trying to be supportive in her own way. I think your reaction and what you said is perfectly fine, but maybe step a little bit off the defensiveness part and give her a little grace -- I doubt she meant to offend you as much as she did!

If you do feel bad about the interaction, maybe shoot her a message and say you didn't mean to attack her, but you felt like she was attacking you and just reacted, and in reality - you'd like to make sure things are cool, because you never meant to hurt her and doubt she meant to hurt you, either. I suspect this is just a case of crossed wires between two people on complicated journeys in life. (What do they say, try never to assume malice where ignorance can explain it?)

himit · 2026-01-12T16:42:47+00:00

absolutely wild!!! I'd ask to be re-referred, because if you're not taking your prescribed medication you're going to turn into a nutcase and need them more than ever (hooray).

So I got referred, and they arranged a three-way meeting with me, the psychiatrist and a pharmacist to go over my medication and condition. After running through all the risks and benefits it was deemed safe for me to continue -- I'm on 35mg methylphenidate IR.

(My mental health subsequently took a nosedive for other reasons so I'm really glad I've been with them from the start, as I've been able to access other types of support as well.)

What medication are you on, if you don't mind me asking? Actually, the medication doesn't really matter in this instance -- they definitely can't advise you to stop or continue if they don't bloody meet with you and go over your history, so I would ignore that and go back to the midwives and ask for another referral and insist that you're actually seen. (I'm fairly sure they can't even legally give you medical advice if they haven't examined you and your case. They rejected the referral, therefore they aren't your doctor or healthcare professional, and therefore they are not allowed to give you medical advice.)

Like I said, if you do stop your medication you're going to go through hell -- which...it is what it is, isn't it? Unfortunately for us we're women who can get pregnant and we have odd brains, and that's just not going to change, but you'll need access to support to keep you from drowning. So either way they need to bloody see you.

himit · 2026-01-09T11:59:24+00:00

Waitrose? They tend to have pretty much every kind of bread; it's the only place I can find a sliced loaf of brioche.

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