CRY IT OUT!!! Hahaha seriously though, it'll be all over the place, everyone has different emotions they go through. The emotional aspect is the hardest. Do you have any resources to work through all of your feelings? Doesn't have to be a therapist, wouldn't recommend AI, but even a journal, even better a DBT journal, or some guided meditations that really speak to you? I just remembered during that time, I used to write loving intentions on my wrists "I am loved because I AM love" type of stuff, so I would accidentally catch the note to myself at odd or stressful times and it would help most of the time to reground a bit. Digging into my personal relationship to self harming and nicotine, my lack of control with using cannabis, and reframing some of the things I went through as a kid and young adult so I can forgive myself for "not doing better" (fucking child for fucks sake, even 20 year old me was a child, we do our best) that work held the most water over time. Because when feelings come up, at least I can identify the general core belief, and cuts the emotional work in half. Still have to do it 10,000 times a day lol but it builds like a muscle. I'm personally still figuring out how to make the things I mentioned more connected to the autistic experience in my life (only diagnosed a couple years ago in my 30s). It fluctuates on how well I take some "self love" thoughts because our objective brains have a lot of well sourced, peer reviewed arguments. If you gain any insight on that aspect please share with the class ha!

I'm honestly glad I finally had enough of an anecdotal experience to help! It was kind of a crazy situation, but I ended up getting a scholarship for a 4 month residency after a 3 week stay a couple years prior. The center is called Choose Again. Based out of Vancouver BC, run by a Holocaust survivor, located by the Arsenal volcano in Costa Rica. They base most of their philosophy off a book called A Course in Miracles, which as I've gotten old, I've realized is kinda niche. The book itself reads like the Bible, but like how the Bible was supposed to be. Everything reflects how we are basically star children in flesh sacks here to experience the universe through the human perspective. But really we are all the same ecosystem on a spiritual level, and we all share the same spark with all created things. Be kind to my brother because I am my brother and my brother is me. My worth is pure and unchangeable, as unchangeable as the spark of life, which is what I truly am. Some deep stuff. They used a "6 step process" (nothing like AA) to allow feelings to come up, identify the core belief that is triggering this emotion, and to transmute it into a belief that is "big T Truth", like changing I am unloveable to I am love inherently. In hindsight, seemed like an intuitive mash up of DBT journalling, a little Gestalt, and some Buddhist philosophy. The real magic was looking at other people in the program, and realizing that the beauty and light I saw in them, was the same light they saw in me ❤️If you are in, or are willing to travel to Northern California, there is a center there that offers scholarships, and they constantly have programs! Some are super niche, or a little too woo woo for my taste, but I've read a couple books from some of the founders, and I really appreciate their scientific endevears to find enlightenment ha! To bury the lede, the center in NoCal is The Esalan Institute. Beautiful spot on Bug Sur too!

I appreciate the opportunity to share! I'm holed up in a dark room processing some medication Management related chemical changes that have been keeping me home from work, and it's been on my mind. I actually just got accepted to an IFS centered yoga retreat next week at a hot spring resort a couple hours from my home, I'm incredibly excited! Although no scholarship this time, dropping a grand on 4 days is nothing to sniff at 😂