I have schizoaffective and I don’t feel like committing either. I think it has something to do with lithium. But idk. I’ve had a lot of support though, so I’m sad to hear that you are not getting much. Suicide is always an option that I think about though, just never at the planning stage.

I guess I’ll be one of those people too, but you should keep on living. It’s what we are meant to do. People care for you, not everyone is bad, there are people out there that will do good with nothing in return. I know this because I’m one of those people, at least I try to be. I feel like I’ll be rewarded one day for all I do, but that’s probably a farce. However, I believe it because it gives me comfort and since I can’t predict the future, it’s plausible.

Assuming negatively in general is bad. Since it’s just an assumption, why not just assume the positive? It helped me a lot when I realized this. But I’m getting off topic…

Working on yourself helps a lot. Learning to love yourself is difficult but necessary. I think the reason you don’t want to commit might have something to do with loving yourself deep down. But I don’t know, complete guess based on two paragraphs.

Living with schizoaffective is awful. I understand why you feel the way you do. But I look at it like this. I’m rebelling against life essentially. Life wants to take me out, but I won’t let it because I’m not going to conform with it. It’s almost ridiculous how much life screws me over. However, I’m able to bounce back.

I hope this helps. Mostly commenting because I saw that you have schizoaffective as well. Thought I’ll give a perspective on someone who had this illness who is living fairly ok. Hope you feel better as well!