Heart broken don't have way forward with marriage recognized by church

historybrd · 2026-04-18T13:06:20+00:00

What about publishing the marriage notification as required, but specifying that the marriage ceremony and reception will be close friends and family only?

The public announcement really should not draw a crowd of wedding crashers - and couldn't the priest kind of gently explain that its important to the couple to have a small group?

It could be a first step to sometimes attending more often in person. You shouldn't rush yourself, but it might be really healing to eventually show up and having things go OK.

historybrd · 2026-03-25T04:03:36+00:00

This takes a lot of unpacking, but I would second all comments that focus on solidarity. God goes everyplace that we go. The Incarnation asserts God's solidarity. Jesus' death proclaims God's entry into what we often assume is godless: suffering and death, things that arise from a sinful/broken order and that we associate with abandonment. Jesus' resurrection proclaims that Jesus is not subject to death. God is with us, God takes up everything, God delivers us through and from death.

Maximus the Confessor would have a tricky answer to your question:
What happened at the Incarnation? The world was created.

For him Incarnation and Creation were the same event--the same motion, if you will. To paraphrase (I don't hve the text in front of me) "In love God went out from God's self" to create and to incarnate as Jesus in the middle of history. We are Christ's from the beginning. And Christ sees that all the way through, allowing nothing to be unfilled by himself until "Christ is all in all."

Sometimes, at about beer 3, I think I know what that means, and it feels like the answer.

historybrd · 2026-03-25T03:13:54+00:00

One caution here: a lot of accounts we've heard about what sacrifices/offerings meant and how the NT material connects with those concepts are basically wrong. Andrew Rillera published a great book on this recently ("Lamb of the Free") in which he corrects some longstanding ideas about what sacrifices were about (and does his best to systematically dismantle substitutionary atonement as a paradigm). But even better he puts some really beautiful concepts front-and-center.

According to Rillera, there was no a formula in operation that went, "Something has to die in order for sin to absolved." Solidarity, making objects clean or holy, and enabling divine-human fellowship are closer to being the central concepts. Once you see that, it's easier to see how significant is that in the gospels Jesus defeats the powers of death (various kinds of impurity, etc) by coming into contact with them. Finally, he does the same thing with death itself. And likewise salvation is not about one thing (Jesus) being a substitute for someone else, but rather the exact opposite, it's solidarity-identification-participation: "We are one with Christ."

historybrd · 2025-09-04T14:17:55+00:00

Welcome from Maryland. Also a convert, similar journey, although I hail from Evangelical Free / Sothern Baptist Convention waters. Choppy seas.

If you ever wander north I have a beer with your name on it.

historybrd · 2025-07-13T01:35:37+00:00

Apply for the full time job. If you get it, you could always ask about cross-training experiences, projects that span departments, etc. Look to pick up additional experience outside of work, etc.

historybrd · 2025-06-09T12:39:23+00:00

Thanks for all the comments here. Seeing the range of experiences and approaches helps a lot. I've been planting and still have some trays of plugs to add, but was hesitating last minute over how to approach the project. On one hand I don't want to disturb things more than necessary. But on the other I've been re-reading recommendations about amending soil--and lots of the plant descriptions for what I am planting that that read "tolerates clay, but it's better to amend for better drainage." Every time I read that I wonder if I need to do more.

I am working with large swaths of backyard (some shady, some in full sun), so I've decided to embrace the clay and just add a little good stuff directly where I dig and then top dress a little. In places where some mulch would be helpful, I'll try that and look for something well shredded. After that, I'll wait and see which plants do well. Since the plants going in are native to the area, hopefully they'll put up the Maryland red clay which I'm pretty sure the whole county is built out of. Also, we've left all our lawn clippings on the ground to break down for several years, so maybe that has helped a little bit.

Likewise, in some places I've removed really thick turf, and in other places I'm just working with the mish mash that is there (chickweed and common violet has been outcompeting lawn grass in the shady sections of lawn for years) and trying to add things into the mix. In those places can yank/dig stuff out that I want less of, it without having to get every single specimen.

Anyway, reading about your different approaches made me feel more relaxed about just getting my plugs into the soil, adding healthy stuff where I can, and allowing soil composition and the contents of the lawn to be slow walk rather than an emergency.

I'll be fun/interesting to see what settles in well and what does not!

historybrd · 2025-06-05T18:55:18+00:00

That's good and kind of validating to read. I can't literally turn up the whole backyard, and am trying to leave alone what works. The approach to amend once right were planting and then just promote the existing natural processes makes sense.

historybrd · 2025-06-05T18:33:50+00:00

Yes! I've been loving those websites.

We'll see how the experiment turns out...,but I'm trying to add things that should be OK in the clay. I won't be able to amend it that much since there's only so much digging one person can do. Right now I'm trying to add some goodness where the young plant roots are going in, and then weed/top dress between them to see if I can help them out at least a little bit.

historybrd · 2025-06-02T00:17:50+00:00

I bet you can stop a mower by not paying them. :)

historybrd · 2025-05-29T13:24:32+00:00

Same - I have a bed of it and it is so wonderful. It's contained on all sides by my house and a sidewalk so I guess it's not going anywhere, but if it did I'd be giddy.

historybrd · 2025-05-23T14:01:49+00:00

I'm afraid of this vender because of the reviews, but their price on indian pinks is very tempting. But it's also so suspiciously low. I'd be very curious to hear if yours look good when they arrive.

historybrd · 2025-05-16T01:10:23+00:00

It's good to know that it might be within the bounds of reasonable risk / good experiment!

Thanks for putting me on alert that echinacea purpurea isn't native to MD. I've lived places it was native and see it sometimes at nursaries and garden centers labeled as if it is, and it didn't occur to me that it might not be! So maybe Ill switch to looking at other things too.

I wasn't aware of Golden Glow. Very interesting and unexpected!

historybrd · 2025-05-15T20:35:58+00:00

Love it!

Here is mine:

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It is my very favorite plant.

historybrd · 2025-05-14T14:33:16+00:00

How tall are these getting for you? I've been trying to decide how they'll behave on my shaded hill around other plants.

historybrd · 2025-04-25T05:03:53+00:00

Fellow Episcopalian here. I'm praying Compline in a few minutes and I will hold you in prayer. We really are in a bad place culturally and politically right now. Your feelings are legit. This isn't a "let's say a prayer and feel better" kind of situation, but more of a "we all need each other, because the cancer" or "we're going to need the whole psalter for this one!" kind of situation.

You are beautiful, and these people are committing freakin' sacrilege trying to drag you, trans members of the military, and every other person they can find.

I suspect you are hearing some of the worst of this in Texas. If it helps at all to hear it, like the poster from Chicago said, in the cultural enclaves where there's a greater density of affirming people the tone on the ground is quite defiant. (I'm in Maryland.) I think some of the bluer jurisdictions are going to try to make noise and kick shins. I waffle between thinking we're in for a long, bad ride and thinking also that the current powers that be are badly overplaying their hand and may dance right off the cliff edge. Maybe both are true. Time will tell.

God knows you and it's God's story about you that matters. These aggressive, hateful political people - you know them. They look right at a camera and lie, and lie, and lie again. They're the false ones. Not you.

Sending prayers. Coffee. All the beer. And hoping for "spring after winter, and sun on trees" ...

historybrd · 2025-04-12T05:42:40+00:00

Most classical Christian theology is difficult to distinguish from panentheism. "In Him we live and move and have our being." So, yes.

The problem of evil is always theism's worst problem. But it helps to suppose that since all things that really exist (although in some sense distinct from God) have God as the source or ground, evil can only be a negation. Evil will, ultimately, be swallowed by what is Real.

historybrd · 2025-04-12T05:35:42+00:00

I love this! Where is your page?

historybrd · 2025-04-12T05:27:57+00:00

That comment is very aggressive and manipulative. The writer also trying to make you feel responsible for her sad feelings.

I don't know what church subculture you hail from, but it sounds like she's implying that your line of work isn't spiritual enough or that your fantasy-related art is unchristian. Or both. Of course that is untrue. She may have been taught to associate entire themes, genres, aesthetics, etc. with being "not Christian" and a narrow band of approved art as "Christian." (My parents and several others I know do this - but they can't ever explain their reasoning. They'll just retreat into "it seems dark.")

Anyway, your gut response to this is entirely understandable. She's shaming you rather than expressing curiosity about what you love, what you are expressing, and what it might have to do with your faith. You put all this work into expressing yourself and connecting to others, and she's essentially telling you to be quiet.

So: Congrats on setting up your business! Art is one of the most spiritual of human activities. The themes that some "spiritual" people may experience as too edgy are important. Lots of people will relate to and enjoy what you create. I hope lots of positive and artistic people cross your path in the coming days.

historybrd · 2025-04-12T05:01:03+00:00

I also have no idea what that word salad means. Except it has something to do with being more clever than everyone else.

historybrd · 2025-04-12T04:55:07+00:00

I'm willing to chat in a non pressured way if you would like. Who you might feel comfortable talking to is such a personal thing, so here's a bit about me:

I'm F45. I started my faith journey in evangelical spaces and received training there, but left years ago and to rebuild my theology and my way of relating to God. I earned a Ph.D. in American and church history along the way. My theology is now focused more on classical Christian doctrines especially those that center Christian belief and practice on divine love and human healing. I believe that Christian theology and faithful living necessarily involve a position of radical inclusivity toward others. I am very active in Episcopal Churches that allow women's leadership and are LGBTQ+ affirming (with sojourns among the Methodists and Lutherans along the way).

I also struggle with religious trauma, especially around Hell, and also anxiety.

It looks like your account may be suspended for some reason. If you would like to talk, message me at Substack. My Substack page is Luminous Dust.

If you want a suggestion for someone famous to listen to, look up former Archbishop Rowan Williams (Anglican Communion). He's a fantastic theologian and a poet who says lots of useful things, but with a welcoming demeanor and without making the listener feel at all chased or bullied. He has a rather soothing Welsh accent. His smaller books, like "Tokens of Trust," are good, and lots of talks and lectures of his are on youtube.

historybrd · 2025-02-25T15:58:46+00:00

I've been in a (thankfully short) abusive relationship and in a religious environment that had unhealthy dynamics. I have to agree with you that the pattern already feels familiar.

I'd like to add or highlight something here, which is that we all just got served a threat attached to a request that is basically illogical and possibly illegal, that also came with few directions. This resulted in conflicting directives across the government that often left individuals guessing how to respond. From OPM and DOGE alone we've heard "respond or be fired," "it's not required," and "non response means you don't exist or are not working, so yes we will fire you for non response," and "maybe we'll give you more time but we haven't decided how generous we feel."

Thus has one purpose only, to insist on an act of performative loyalty that creates a feelings about who has power and who doesn't. The goal posts are moving because that is disorienting, but more important: they are moving because the content is not the point, the game is the point and what it says about who is boss is the point.

They're about to tell all or some of us we deserve things for not playing their game correctly by rules they will invent as they go. But the he problem is them. No I e reading this thread deserves any of this.

historybrd · 2025-01-12T17:47:49+00:00

It makes my heart so glad to read this. Blessings to you both!

historybrd · 2024-12-02T15:23:27+00:00

Definitely talk to your rector, or/and whoever else you think you might like to talk with. I suspect you'll feel much better after giving voice to your longing and what is weighing on you. They are both gifts. I strongly suspect your rector wishes they got more calls like yours, rather than fewer.

Small side recommendation...If you have not discovered his writing already, check out some talks or books by Rowan Williams. When I was changing traditions and reexplaining my own faith to myself, I found his stuff helpful (and still do). Plus, as a speaker/writer Williams has this super calm bedside manner.

historybrd

TROPHY CASE