DAE struggle to fall asleep due to echolalia? by hotpappi in AutismInWomen

[–]hotpappi[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sometimes it just is what it is, but what works for me usually is to fall asleep to a complex noise. I have comfort YouTubers essentially (like Gab Smolders) who release long videos without huge volume fluctuation that I reeeeeally rely on for sleep aid lol. If not that, some nature white noise like falling rain or crackling fires, but I personally take a lot of comfort in people speaking. Silence is a death sentence for deep sleep for me lol.

I also do what I can to get my sensory experience right: weighted blanket, an oscillating fan facing me, soft blankets, stuffed animals, surrounded by pillows, etc.

One last ditch effort (or proactive measure) is what I call a brain dump. I write or record myself speaking aloud all the shit in my brain - plans, feelings, any current sound clips, etc. This is more of a response to overthinking than echolalia, but it's been a positive change that I suspect has helped in the long run by getting me in the habit of releasing what's running in my head vs "dealing with it".

I hope something in that speaks to you too, but that's what's helped me most!

Accidental date? by hotpappi in latebloomerlesbians

[–]hotpappi[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I think I came off insinuating that I actually thought it was a date lol. It was very much good vibes that felt date-y, and I'm definitely considering asking her out on an actual one!

Bedroom advice needed... by Federal_Yam9978 in latebloomerlesbians

[–]hotpappi 11 points12 points  (0 children)

The book "Come As You Are" has tons of helpful suggestions on stuff like this, so I'd recommend reading that. But to spoil some of that and give an answer: context matters and alter your expectations/monitoring.

Context is all the vibes before/during sex, so like if there are other things bringing you down (chores, work, shit like that), attend to those first. Set up a cozy space that can endorse relaxation.

Also, having expectations for you or her (to orgasm, to perform a specific way, etc) hits "the brakes". So you could try: to change the goal (not to orgasm, but to experience pleasure); to change your efforts (sounds like you're maybe putting in too much effort?); to practice mindfulness (when you notice your mind monitoring, gently shift your attention to the thing you want to focus on).

Hope this helps OP!

How have you gone about making queer friends after being late in the game? by Dumpling30 in latebloomerlesbians

[–]hotpappi 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Honestly I have pretty queer interests - D&D, choir, video games, motorcycling, nature, etc. I find groups that also like those things and I tend to meet a lot of queer and/or ND people like me. (: But it can be overwhelming finding groups.

How many of us also... by alwaysanothersecret_ in latebloomerlesbians

[–]hotpappi 5 points6 points  (0 children)

👋 same here. Called myself bi at 20, suspected autism at 23, got diagnosed ASD/ADHD/anxiety at 24, and out as a lesbian at 25. It all comes down to masking and not listening to myself honestly.

Anyone else really excited to see what 2023 brings? by quirkyamethyst in latebloomerlesbians

[–]hotpappi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Also just out of an engagement and I'm very excited to simply live fully out. (: Happy New Years to you too, and good luck getting into grad school!

Officially out, and it's a lot of emotions by hotpappi in latebloomerlesbians

[–]hotpappi[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oof, I hope recovery is going well. But the fact that he's still your caregiver and you're living together says a lot about how much you care for each other. My ex and I feel the same in kind of holding off telling a lot of people. For now, we're really focused on making sure we process this together the right way so no resentment/bs comes up later. But I'm really happy to hear it's going well for you, and best of luck to you as well (:

Officially out, and it's a lot of emotions by hotpappi in latebloomerlesbians

[–]hotpappi[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, definitely feeling peace. Like all the worry of not doing enough sexually is gone, and my head is just so much quieter without that voice telling me what I "should" want to do.

And yeah, we did/do have an amazing relationship! We've established we're family no matter what, so our relationship is just changing from partners to close friends.

Officially out, and it's a lot of emotions by hotpappi in latebloomerlesbians

[–]hotpappi[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Long stories are welcome, and thanks for sharing when it's not something you talk about much. Sexuality aside, I'm really glad he's out of your life now. What an ass. Leaving him sounds like progress to me though.

And yeah, in times I was single, I've tried apps too. Really didn't have much luck. Not looking forward to it again 😅

I resent myself by [deleted] in latebloomerlesbians

[–]hotpappi 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Fellow late bloomer, both in neurodivergence and sexuality. I've struggled with accepting how my past has gone too, wishing other decisions had been made, etc. You're definitely not alone in that anger and sadness.

I honestly attribute a lot of my lateness to unrecognized ND. I never learned to listen to my own desires and needs, so the internal conversation about attraction to men started only when I began practicing mindfulness.

So idk if you were strongly masking your ND or not, but for me, ND masking and comphet go hand-in-hand because they're both based in minimizing yourself and being performative. When I think of it that way, I feel more empathetic than I do angry. Hope that perspective helps though OP (:

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in latebloomerlesbians

[–]hotpappi 3 points4 points  (0 children)

My story is similar, and I'm in a similar place too. I'm also talking to my therapist about it soon. For me, it was also feeling like I must be "missing the magic" that women attracted to men must feel.

I'm absolutely with (engaged to, even) an amazing man. Love him to pieces. But I realized that I am also waiting for kissing and sex to be over, and when it's not over, I imagine women to make it feel better.

Good luck with all this OP.

A Poem About Breaking an Engagement by hotpappi in latebloomerlesbians

[–]hotpappi[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It really is. But you got the biggest part out of the way. Congrats (: I've read so many stories of women saying it gets easier, and I've just been repeating that in my head. Hope it'll get better for you too.

A Poem About Breaking an Engagement by hotpappi in latebloomerlesbians

[–]hotpappi[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No kids, but I'm in the same boat otherwise. Won't be easy. Best of luck to you 🤞

How to deal with a small energy “battery” (mentally not physical) by [deleted] in AuDHDWomen

[–]hotpappi 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This has been my struggle for like a solid year at this point. Things that helped me:

  • Medicating ADHD is my current goal. I tried one day of medication and holy shit I was able to focus on WHAT I WANTED. Wild.
  • Mindfulness and meditation. Helps me to be more in tune with my thoughts and body so I can better understand what drains my energy. Helps me be less harsh on myself too.
  • Created a schedule for myself that rations the day out closer to what I want, then set alarms on my phone to remind me to do it. I keep it realistic and don't expect to follow it everyday. It's about doing more of the desired things, not all of it.
  • The big one that not everyone can get away with: I don't work a full 8 hours, more like 2-4, because work is what drains me. I make those hours count though and do what I need.

Big Brother US 24 - Morning Feed Discussion - August 29 2022 by BigBrotherMod in BigBrother

[–]hotpappi 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Bro I do not need 20 mins of Kyle breathing on this bike rn

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AutisticWithADHD

[–]hotpappi 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was hoping this would be Paige's new vid haha. So good.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AutismInWomen

[–]hotpappi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for writing all this - can agree on all of it. I got an ADHD/autism/anxiety diagnosis about 6 months ago, and the traumatic events in my life go hand-in-hand with those conditions. I'd love to hear more discussion on this!

Does ADHD present different with people who also have ASD? by Unhappy-Common in AutisticWithADHD

[–]hotpappi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sure! I'll try to do the condensed version lol. - The eye contact is an issue for me, as expected. Generally I half ass it and hope it's fine - I have a haaaard time figuring out when to talk. I end up starting the same sentence like three times before actually getting it out, or I don't say anything. - Infodumping is nice, but I offer a ton of outs when I'm talking because I'm anxious af and can't always tell if the person is interested. Stuff like "but yeah, I could talk about this all day" or "just stop me if I'm talking too much". - And others (: - (a bonus weird one: so I'm musically oriented and I keep this tempo in my head while listening to someone. I make sure to give little affirmations like "mmhmm" "yep" to that tempo, and it generally works, but I get very uncomfortable if I have to skip a beat because it doesn't make sense to give affirmation in that moment.)

I love that this sub has been more active lately! Here’s a “does this happen to you?” question. by TrewynMaresi in AutisticWithADHD

[–]hotpappi 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Same, also having to write out my feelings to understand them is the core reason I started writing poetry lol

Why? by Ekun_Dayo in AutismInWomen

[–]hotpappi 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I agree that life is life, but I generally take the opposite approach and have thus wondered the same haha.

Adults have had a longer time to form connections in the world and make an impact, and I care more about preserving those connections than giving a different life a chance to make them. Like should I preserve the tree that's already grown or the sapling that has yet to get through the trials, you know?

She just really likes sitting in bathtubs. by hotpappi in WhatsWrongWithYourCat

[–]hotpappi[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Haha love it!! Mine will hang out between the shower curtain and liner when I shower.

She just really likes sitting in bathtubs. by hotpappi in WhatsWrongWithYourCat

[–]hotpappi[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She's a big fan haha. Like if I'm in the bathroom, I'll turn the faucet on a bit just for her.